I went out to lunch today with my mom. We got talking about the kids and hsing verse ps. I told her that my ds said he wanted to go back to ps soon. As I explained to her that I am worried about him going back and that I don't really want him to go...... But is it worth the power struggle because I get the finally say????? Let me start by saying my mom totally supports me hsing and helps me every step of the way. But she brought up a point that concerns me..... She said, "Christine remember when you were a teen and your friendships were EVERYTHING" She was right I lived and breathed my friends. She also stated that is what he is craving. He hasn't found that best friend and I ahve to say my kids are sorta secluded even though we are involved in a lot. I know that isn't a reason to send them to ps but there is a lot more kids there. They did have more friends calling the house when they were school. But to the parents who have teens who crave this, How do you handle it?
Just writing a quick reply since I am still on bedrest...but being in ps does not guarentee friends. Plus I don't believe that ps is the only place to find friends. In our situation, we are involved with our congregation and I make every opportunity to allow the kids to meet people there. I practically never say no to any activity, sleepover, volunteer situation that comes up. And I must say, we encourage friendships with persons of all ages. For instance, my dd15 has developed friendships with women 2-3 times her age. They go to lunch or to exercise classes. It's a wonderful mentor-type friendship and I appreciate these kind women helping to shape my daughter. A much better influence than teen girls she'd find in public school. When we were in Sacramento, there was a homeschool meet-up group that was just for field trips. Now that was fun! Maybe there's something like that near you? Maybe you could start one? I guess what Im saying is allow your son every opportunity to find friendships. Co-ops, lessons, clubs, adult friends, church groups. Don't get caught up in the idea that your son is somehow missing something because he's home. He's not. Just be sure to make every opportunity available to be around other kids.
For me, I believe part of the beauty of homeschooling is that our children learn that family takes first priority over other relationships. I desire for my children to be each others best friends. I don't believe that having a "BFF" is this all important goal that some people think it is. Kids this age are so fickle, so loyalty is not really realistic. Why then, do we worry that our kids are somehow losing out because the phone isn't ringing off the hook all afternoon. I personally don't want my child involved in that constant drama of "so and so said she wasn't my bf anymore so I told so and so and then he said, then she said, etc... and now they're all mad at me." Then a week later it starts all over again. On a personal note, I was ps'ed, and I didn't have loads of friends calling and coming over all the time. It wasn't allowed by my parents, who believed that family was more important than my social life and friends were way down their list of "necessities" in my life. They said I had plenty of time later in life to cultivate lasting friendships when everybody grew up and out of this teen drama phase. I'd rather my kids not "live and breathe" their friends. Maybe I'm just old school, but this is what I tell my kids.
Worth a power struggle with a child to see who "wins"? Um yes, worth every bit to let my son know who wins in the major decisions, which shouldn't be a battle in the first place. My son also craving friendship, and agreeing that ps is not the only place, nor likely the BEST place to find friends. I remember my friends from middle and high school. I remember the things they taught me. Not everything, not even mostly, good things. I had fun, yes. I wasn't a bad kid, no. But they "taught" me worldview I had to later unlearn.
If your children had more friends calling when they were in public school, this tells me they weren't real friends to begin with. True friends would still call whether your children are homeschooled or in public school. I am a firm believer that multiple friends are a dime a dozen. I would rather my child have one true friend than a thousand acquaintances.
My DD attended PS for two whole semesters and decided to come back home. I ask if she wanted to keep in touch with anyone and the answer was no. I think it was mainly because they are all pretty much main base kids and knows the difficulties of maintaining main base friends. She learned that when we tried to make with with the homeschooling group. It was always one sided us driving the 45-60 minutes to visit for a hour or two. No one wanted to come out here and visit. She has her military brat friends who have PCSed, a few penpals, and a few around here. It's quality not quantity that counts. She has no BFF. She is friends with pretty much everyone and hasn't clique off with anyone like many here have. That part makes me both happy and sad but I don't have a BFF either and haven't since she was born 12 years ago which ended after having her because my BFF didn't like children.
It is hard to keep public school friendships once you begin homeschooling. We have kept very few of our ps friends. If my child truly wanted to go back to ps and it would not be a dangerous environment, then I would let them. This is our 4th yr at home. We are doing virtual school this year. I fully intend for my upcoming 7th grader to go back either in 8th or 9th grade. I am hoping virtual school eases the transition. She is definitely craving more friends and while she has hs friends and texts them a lot...we don't see them often. Co-ops are too much for us and the homeschool field trips are always in the middle of the morning. We don't homeschool for the same reasons as most do locally so we don't fit well in the groups either. I have found that my kids are really naive compared to their peers. I don't want them going to college this naive. I am actually excited for them. I plan to get us through 1 or 2 years of virtual school and then transition them all back into school.
Well, I have no good advise because my kids have no desire to go back to ps. Just think back to when you were in school and ask yourself this, "Did my life in school make me the person I am today or did it happen later in life?" You might be suprised at the answer! My best friend is a wonderful woman I met in my 40's. My friendships in high school were all drama and stress! Think about it long and hard before you make your decision.
I have to say my son has kept 2 friends but doesn't see them very often. My daughter hasn't kept any. I have a neighbor that I love, she had a 9 year old girl and and 6 year old boy. My kids are there constantly ds 12 dd 11. I know there is an age difference but they have an fantastic time together. I call my neighbor their second mom she always welcome my kids and treats them fantastic and also takes them while I am working. She is a real God send. I always tell my kids family is most important and there bond should be to each other. But where I struggle is growing up we always had friends around my mom made sure of it. She even brought a friend on vacation for me and my brother. We seldom had to interact. I don't agree with it but its the way I grew up. I don't want to be the complete other extreme..... I am trying to find the balance.
Christine, I and my "bff"s in school were the "not cool" kids, the "out" group. That is, we hung together because we didn't gel with the "in" group. I don't see any of them even though several live right here in town. I'm friend with a couple of them on Facebook, but we don't really communicate in the real sense of the word. My BFF for real is a guy I grew up across the block from. We played together as preteens, "dated" and "hung out" together as teens but weren't really what you'd call romantically involved, and he's become a good friend to both me and my husband. A real FRIEND. My best girl friend is a member of our church I just met a few years ago when they moved here. I just in the last year or so caught up with two friends from college, and we're mostly friends on Facebook. My daughter had a group of friends in school, but again, it wasn't BFF kind of friends, but you gotta hang out with somebody, right? The friends she has kept are friends she made after she left home - a couple from high school and a couple from college, and then newer friends she's met lately. She was public schooled, but my son was homeschooled from fifth grade up, and the same can be said of him - the friends he has now are people he's met in his 20s. My husband grew up in a town about 20 miles from here, and we go often, but not to visit friends - we run into people he knew, but we aren't in any way close. His friends now are people from church or that he's met here in town, since we married. IN MY OPINION, junior high and high school is the WORST time to be in public schools.
I think many teens really don't know what's best for them even when they passionately feel that they do. I hope I don't sound too sheltering when I say it is VERY important to me to know who my kids are spending time with and what their parents/influences are like. I think that is hard to do when your kids are in high school ps (private school included).
Ok. I graduated 6 years ago from High school never being homeschooled in my life. I lived and breathed my friends, which wasn't a good thing alot of the time. I was 100% the show-off (I'm a Leo so it makes sense), and I did alot of stuff to please my friends. I've done alot of stupid things to impress my friends, and almost killed myself once having wrecked my truck and almost being run over by it in the process. My "friends" bailed. It's easy to say that your kid would never do that, because you've raised them better. However, I was a good kid that never got into any trouble. I was just desperate for friends. I don't know what your reasons for homeschooling are, but one of ours was that hundreds of kids in the same age group can't be a great influance. If this is one of your convictions then it would be going back on what you believe in. Having friends is a pressure put on kids these days. We need to teach our kids that family comes first before your "friends".
I used to be SOOO embarassed when my mum would call the parents of my friends, and want to meet my friends and so on. OMG, whose parents DID that?! Certainly none of my friend's parents!! LOL. Now that I'm a bit older I understand why, and know that maybe I was just embarassed of my friends and knew they weren't good ofr me.
Is he is involved in a lot of activities with other kids and not making friends? If so, then how is going to public school going to change him? (Now that I have written that I realize that is really a question to think about in two different ways.)
The only friend I am still in close touch with and close friends with from my high school years is my sister. I have a few of my old high school friends on FB but my sister is the only one I chat with daily. We've had our babies together and are having a blast raising cousins as best friends. I would not send my children to public school for the social factor - but that is in part because the social factor of public school is one of our reasons for homeschooling. My children have tons of friends in their cousins and at church. They are still young so they don't have friends calling them to hang out or anything but I do expect in the next year or two that my oldest will start wanting to having friends for overnights and I'm good with that. I look forward to that for him.
I agree with this too. Part of what helped sd was once we found a hs group that we consistently did activities with. Sd was able to meet other girls and see them at different events. Once she found a group she clicked with then she was much happier. It took a good year or so for her to really find that group. I know you have tried some different co-ops and such but if you can find one that also has other activities it gives the kids the opportunity to find that connection. With dd we have been going to the same group since we started hs'ing her back in 1st grade. At this point she has friends and is invited to birthday parties and such. She craves being around other kids so it is great that she is now finding her place among the group.
My DD had to start daycare at 18 months due to circumstances in our life at the time. She became SO group-oriented! Fortunately, during her junior/high school years we had an absolutely wonderful youth group leader at church and some really great kids and they did stuff all the time, so I didn't have to worry about "influences". DS, otoh, was 3 when we put him in a daycare, and at 4 he came home and stayed home with DH. He was home with him until kindergarten, and we put off kindy for one more year because he just wasn't ready, so at that time he was SO much less group-oriented than DD. After kindy at 6, though, and first through fourth grades at ps, he became just as friend-oriented as his sister had been. He became so desperate to be liked that he gave away toys. He was "different" (honestly, he really was a goofy-looking kid) and was bullied and called names. After we brought him home for fifth grade, we got our kid back! We didn't have that great youth leader at church anymore, and I even had to keep him from the youth group. He bucked and moaned about "missing out" on high school for years. But by 17 he was a man who could step up and help his dad after the car accident (cooked, cleaned, and did personal care for his dad while I was at work), did his GED and went on with his life. Now we're schooling DGS because his dad realizes that family and education are more important than the social milieu in ps.
Hmmmm...I am about to completely contradict myself but here goes. My family has switched back and forth from school to homeschooling for so many different reasons. In my fantasy world I would have children who aren't at all influenced by the great world out there-they would be independent thinkers, free spirits who seek to find intellectual, creative, spiritual paths etc. That worked when they were young. Now they are teenagers and not so much. My son has homeschooled in high school because of his learning disabilities. Now he wants to return to ps for his junior year because he is lonely and wants to see his friends more. I get that. While I would love him to stay home, I don't think forcing him to homeschooling is the best option for him or me. Yes, issues will arise. I have set clear boundaries regarding my expectations and will use the rest as springboards for life lesson discussions. He will have to learn these lessons and I would rather he do it with my support and guidance rather than on his own at college.
This is exactly my reason for being excited about mine heading back to school in the near future. I can not possibly imagine sending them to college so naive.
