Yesterday my DH lost his patience with his 7-yo daughter. She just wouldn't TRY. She wasn't looking at the words when reading, just looking at the first letters and guessing. She wouldn't try and print legibly. He'd read the answer to her and she still couldn't figure it out. Yet when he'd yell a bit, and say "you have 3 seconds to LOOK at that word and read it or you're grounded" lo and behold she could read perfectly. And all of a sudden her handwriting was legible. It's not for lack of ability! Any of you yell at your homeschooler? Do you feel bad? He felt bad, but it actually worked.
Nah, I wouldn't feel too bad. (I am a recovering yeller myself.) I would sit down later and have a discussion with the child. These are the expectations...that you try, that you do your best. We know what you are capable of... these are the consequences if you choose not to do this. I (dad) do not want to yell, I don't like it. But I get angry when you do not try.
I've lost my temper with my DD before. She gets ornery with math and just makes ridiculous guesses instead of trying. It frustrates me to high heaven, and because it makes the math process take so much longer, I eventually just lose it. Thankfully, this year has been much better so far.
ditto. You feel bad, you try not to do it again, but sometimes you get frustrated. We're all human. But I completely agree with what GnS said
It was a "stand in the corner day" for us. Yes I yelled. Oh well, I am not perfect and I've never claimed to be.
Oh of course! We all know what our kids can and can't do and we know when they are just not trying. When I know for a fact that my dd isn't trying and just being a pain in the butt on purpose I will yell too. And ya know what - it usually works. Gotta let them know you mean business and aren't going to waste your time with nonsense. A parent yelling at a kid from time to time isnt going to ruin them.
I would give ger a chart with credit to earn. each time she read or does what she's supposed to do, she earns points /credit and then you add up all the point she has received for a week and based on the total of points she get to have a privilge.
I don't yell often, but I do get frustrated and yell once in a while. When my son back talks or refuses to do something with a sassy or demanding tone, then I scold him. I don't feel bad about that usually. Another thing that makes me yell is when we are trying to go somewhere and we need to be punctual ( ie...for an appointment, class or something) and my kids are dawdling! I'm always yelling for them to get their shoes and coats on and get in the car. That seems to take us forever! I've learned to set our oven timer to go off 5 to 10 minutes before we need to leave so they know that it is time to get shoes on and go. That buzzer helps, but it doesn't do the trick all the time. We're all human and we all lose our tempers and get frustrated sometimes.
We've been having that problem lately with our 7-yo daughter dawdling instead of getting ready when we either pick her up or are going somewhere. We solved that. I have a stopwatch, and we give her fair warning to get her shoes on etc. Usually 10-15 minutes. Once the time is up, for every minute we have to wait for her, that's how many minutes of time-out she gets. We usually put the time out before she can do something fun. We explain, you have made us wait, now we are going to make YOU wait the exact same amount. We call it the Time Out Clock. We warn her "you have 10 minutes to get ready before we start the Time Out Clock." It only took one time out of 5 minutes (sitting facing a wall, being bored) before she started rushing to get ready!
Some times I wonder if something happened to suck my boys' brains out while I wasn't looking. Just the other day we were doing math. He did one side of a page perfectly in like 2 minutes. The next side (exact same thing ) He "cant do it" and doesn't even know how to write the number 2 anymore!!!!! He sat for 30 minutes without writing a number. AHHHHH I like to give a time out right then. i try to do it before I yell, but sometimes I forget and yell anyways. I send ds to his room or somewhere else while me and dd have a fun time or eat something nice. Just so he knows he is missing out. After that he does great, and finishes up without a problem. It always makes me wonder how PS teachers do it with 30 kids.
UGH... is there something in the air... I feel like my nerves are just shot today!!! Is there a full moon or something? It feels as though the natives are getting restless. I know our weather isn't helping chilly & damp, so we can't really go outside. We are in a few, pulling the car out to ride bikes in the garage. It will be chilly, but at least it's dry & they can burn some much vented energy!!!!
But we should be ashamed. If a teacher did this to our kids, we'd want their head on a stick. And- do we really want them to equate school with getting yelled at when their mom gets frustrated? I'm aiming this at myself, too, everybody. When I feel my frustration boiling to the point that it's going to blow my eyeballs out of their sockets, I either put Jeanne in her room, or I take something away. Today I threatened to keep her home from Brownies tonight. I told her go ahead, make my day- you give me crap over writing a rough draft for English, you WILL do it during Brownies. I might have felt like a heel for keeping her home, I might have pissed off the Brownie leader, but all that's unimportant, because her education is too precious.
I do yell at times. It can work short term but I've never had it lead to any important shifts in behaviour for longer then half an hour or so.
I have to admit I have yelled a few times, there are times that the louder voice gets the need across more. The fact that it effected her that way shows you are a good parent who does NOT yell a lot! so that is good! Dont beat yourself up about it. We have done Time outs, go to your room, go to your room and work, and go to the patio and work alone, etc etc, but some times you just loose it. Especially when a child is being stubborn beyond norm.
LOL...I just love reading your posts...you crack me up! Yep, I loose it every now and then. I actually don't like it and feel bad about it. However, that depends on what I yell...LOL. We are human...it happens. I do recommend finding a more positive approach in the future. It would be terribel to have to yell just to get her to perform. How frustrating for you!
This actually reminds me of yesterday morning. My son was doing everything against what I was saying and he was purposefully giving me lip and attitude and slamming his pencil and chair, etc...and I lost it...I blew up and I yelled. Dh, who normally isn't around for school took me aside and said "honey, you need to not yell at him. Would you want a teacher to do that to him in school?" I think yelling all the time isn't good (although I do way more frequently than I'd like, lol...so no finger pointing going on here) but sometimes it happens and sometimes its a necessity.
Well, this is a timely thread...I lost it with Eli today when he was reading to me. He was doing the same exact thing, just looking at the words and guessing them, when I know that he knows how to sound them out. Especially words he's seen a ton of times before, like "mat", "if" and "the". I felt really guilty, but after I got on his case, he shaped up and did his reading. I apologized for yelling, hugged him and told him what a great job he did on the second half. But I still felt really guilty. I've been losing my patience with the kids a lot lately. I think I need some time away!
I am almost finished with a book called "transforming a difficult child" by Howard Glasser. I highly recommed the book and the rest of Mr. Glasser's book The book focus on how to raise a successful and confident child for life with using a negative energy(yelling) at him/her. I absolutely love the book and as a mom I would encourage you to read it. It slowly and gradually changing my way of dealing with my dds .
I get frustrated w/ DS-almost-7...he will mumble (on purpose) when he's reading. I'll tell him to read that word again, and he'll keep going, sometimes mumbling still, sometimes not. It's a "stubborn" issue with him. He's an excellent student and catches on quickly. I got upset and finally yelled at him this morning because I knew he knew what I wanted from him, but he was making the choice to ignore that and do it the way HE wanted to. AAAAAAaaaaaa! I gave him several chances, telling him that if he didn't read it over he'd lose a priviledge...he ended up losing computer, then tv for the day/evening, then I finally sent him to his room for a time out (mostly because I needed it). All that over one stupid word! In the meantime, my DS9 is getting distracted by our drama across the room. He said to his little brother, "Just do what you're told and get on with it!" DS-almost-7 likes to push and push the limits when he knows better. Suggestions?
