as home school moms it is really easy to get stressed otu and use that as an excuse to yell, or whatever, but we really do need to try to step away, when I worked outside the home I always was given the kids who tried your patience, the ones no one else wanted in thier class, I got... try a full class of 3 yr olds who dont want to listen and will say so to your face in no uncertain terms and no yell! I did it! I even calmed them down before they got out of control.. the trick is to notice it before ithappens okay? You look for the signs that your dc is going to have a 'bad day' and switch things on them... throw them off and thier little minds will not go wack on us. It really works too! Have to let dd do SOS now so Im off!
I yell when necessary and that all depends on my kids attitudes. I am not one bit ashamed of it. I will parent my children how I see fit. I will do what i need to do to raise my kids the way I think they should be raised and yelling, just like spanking, sometimes is necessary.
Maybe it doesn't have to be a necessity, though. To me, we can't be Mom when we are teaching. If we remember we are Teacher during school, I think we might act like one. This is why I started sending Jeannie out of my sight instead of yelling at her. A teacher would eventually send the kid to the office. I can't do that, so her room is a good substitute. Look at it this way-who taught you to drive? Was it someone who yelled if you did something wrong? Someone who yelled when they felt like you did wrong? Did it make you want to get in the car with them? Just a thought....
I think there's a difference between someone just not being able to do something and having the ability and refusing to do it. We don't get mad when DD doesn't understand something, we just look for ways to help her understand. But we want her to do HER job and be a good student. That means paying attention, LOOKING at the page, and TRYING to do the work. I think that's when we yell, when we know she CAN do the work and WON'T do the work. Usually when she does complete the work we praise her heavily and she's proud of herself. It's just pushing her to get there.
I understand what you're saying. I was speaking of the feeling of dread when you're learning how to drive and whoever's teaching you keeps on your case. I had a friend whose bf taught her and he made her cry!
My mom, oh she of the short temper, taught me how to drive. She spent the whole time yelling, "Go! Go! Stop! Stop!" Learning to drive a stick was a nightmare - "Clutchclutchclutchclutchclutch!" she'd scream. Literally, scream. One time, I stalled out in the middle of a traffic light during rush hour; she was screaming, cars were honking, and I just couldn't get the thing to move. I had a friend from school teach me on the sly. So yeah, I'm a living testimony of how little help yelling is. That said, (not surprisingly) I have yelling issues that I am working on. <sigh>
Wow, that sounds like my mom. She was a yeller! And a freak-out-er. I am actually NOT a yeller. I'm in favor of the very quiet stern "you've disappointed me" voice. I say very few words. I have to say that with the way my mom was I actually learned to deal with lots of pressure and freaking out. I'm not saying what she did was right, but I find it easy to remain calm when others are yelling and spazzing.
Yelling doesn't help us at all. It only gives me a release. I find that if I stay calm and firmly (without yelling) talk to them about what I expect it works better. I DO yell DAILY though :roll:.. And yes, I do feel guilty afterwards. I think of a million other things that I could've done instead. I don't yell nearly as much as I want to though. So I have a little bit of self controll. LOL! I agree with Becky. My kids go to their rooms when they are disrupting the rest of the kids with their work and I have kept them from going places and gave them homework because they weren't able to do it during our schooling hours. The homework usually don't start until after all their public school friends are out and knocking on the door. My 12 year old is the main one that gets me these days.. I do try to seperate Mom with teacher. So When my 11 year old starts the "I don't understand" bit. I get hubby (the principal) to take over his schooling in that particular subject that day and he miraculously gets it..
We used to do this! When my dh worked swing or graveyard I could just send him or her to the principals office hehe, He was usuallyw orking on computer during home time too so it was really in our office! I agree sending out of site as a Teacher would be doing is a great way to do it!
Give me a BREAK! Yelling at a kid every once in a while is not going to put them in the psych ward. Would i mind if a teacher yelled at my kids in school? Probably not as long as it is not profanity or a routine thing. A good yell is o.k. every now and again. I'm sorry, I'm human not a robot. We have all been yelled at and we are still here. By yelling I mean raising of the voice...not cursing them out, or name calling, or screaming for no reason. I mean good ol' fashioned attention getting yelling!
I agree, it's not like we're yelling "you're so stupid" or "don't be a moron" or something like that. My yell usually tends to be "You better straighten up mister" or what i've ended up yelling a lot lately "STRIKE ONE!" (which goes for the 3 strikes you're out of video games thing). But it's usually when I've said a few times. Honey, straighten up. Quit doing that. *more sternly* I said stop and straighten up. Then I yell. I don't want to yell so much but I have a big mouth and it's hard for me. I'm working on it. But like I said, sometimes it's a necessity. And usually after a little yell, we're back to work as usual. But you do have a good point about sending them to the office. I think I'll start saying "Stop that this is your warning. One more time and you're going to talk to daddy" and see if that helps (just because I'm sure it's not good for my health either, lol). You know, they used to be able to paddle kids in school as well though right? I think that's part of the problem with public schools these days....but that's a "whole 'nother can o'worms!" that I don't wanna open right now!
Recognizing that this is a whole difference in teaching philosophy, homeschool process, etc, I respectfully disagree. I do not try to seperate the mom and the teacher in me, any more than I do when my 19 mos old is learning to identify shapes and colors. For me, one of the most wonderful things about homeschooling is that I am fully capable of being a teacher AS a mom. Now, granted, I have a very relaxed, almost unschooling style of homeschooling, AND I have young children (my oldest is only 7). AND, I confess, I am in no way a perfect or even near-perfect mom; I have spent 7 years counteracting the aforementioned tendency to yell. But just because my implementation of the method is not-quite-correct doesn't make the method wrong. I, personally, believe that we should NOT be trying to be two seperate people. Our children should respect us as moms (and dads, for those out there) just as much (if not more) than they should respect their public school teachers (if they had them). There will be times when even a perfect child feels mutinous towards a PS teacher - heck, I was a 100% teacher's pet, and I had my moments. Of course, most of that was overlooked in a class of 30 kids. Still, if I sent my kids to PS, I would expect them to show me just as much respect each night. I also think that learning should be a joyous process that "mom" can celebrate with their children, and not have to switch hats for. Mind you, my children are no closer to being angels than I am at being a perfect mom. :wink: And, again, no offense meant, I just respectfully disagree with the idea that we oughta be two instead of one. SG
I am in agreement. It's hard not to yell... but there are times I do let the frustration get the best of me. I actually try to be "teacher" for school, and "mom" when we arent schooling. It really helps me for some reason. I want my kids to like me both as a teacher and as a mom. Now I'm not saying I'm an easy teacher, (I'm very hard on my kids.) but I do want them to enjoy the time we spend together.
I don't yell, I just say no X(tv, computer, phone), wait a reasonable time to give them a chance to get back on tract, then start counting. Whatever I count to is how long in days they go without X. I also make sure I reward them for doing good to get a good mix both positive and negative reinforcement.
hmmmm. it never occured to me to be someone other than Mom during the school day. Although I have pointed out that he wouldn't be acting "that way" in school with the other kids around. I used to yell at everything. a lot. DH did not like it a bit. (ddmine was 7 when we started dating and ddhis was 3) So, I worked on it, and the boys really have no idea how their father has protected them. Not that we never yell...just save it for when it is needed. :lol: We use sarcasm here, it probably has damaged all of them for life.
