What do you guys think about this?

kbabe1968

kbabe1968

New Member
Okay, I'm going to TRY to be as brief as possible, this is mostly rambling, but I hope you can follow me.

We attend a co-op, at this co-op, I've met this wonderful family. They have 4 of their own children. About 18 mos ago the began fostering a 3 year old. (aside: while fostering they became pregnant with their 5th natural child). This foster child has been an integral part of their lives for this 18 mos. And the mother is a drug addict attempting cleaning up - due to the time - and the fact that the mother is on methadone (as a way to not go back to heroin?). My friend's fear is that, Yes the mom is clean now, but after social services is not looking at her through a microscope, who's to say she will stay clean (and on the other side, who's to say she won't).

Anyway, due to the length of fostering our friends are working with Social Services to adopt her officially. They counselled that they should seek help in having the mother relinquish her parental rights voluntarily. This means they need to see an independent (not on SS payroll) psychologist who will interview my friend's family, the mom and the child (who's now 4 almost 5 I think?).

this child does have monitored visitation with her mother about 1ce or 2ce a month - so she's not a stranger. BUT...she also calls my friend "Moma" and her bio mom by her name.

Okay...here's the tricky part. I feel for this girl, I feel for this family. They LOVE this little girl, and they've worked to fix so much in her young life and set her on a good track. They are devastated at the thought that the psychologist might be duped and will let the girl go back to her mother (and in PA they often side with the bio parents in these matters).

And I agree. BUT...coming from a trying childhood of my own who has made me who I am today, who is to say that the seeds they've planted might help her in her life if she were returned to her mother, and God would have a plan in that too? Like, does it have to be God's plan for the obvious - having her raised by a loving Godly family?

Taking with this friend comes at the heels of talking with another friend over the weekend about a completely different situation. And it's just got me thinking who's to say that sometimes the harder road isn't God's plan after all? I, personally, learn so much more through my trials, and a lean so much more on Him during them. (and believe me, I'm not calling trials on myself right now, at least I hope!!!).

But when I consider this....

Would love to know what others think????
 
That is a very interesting concept, Krista. I agree that God calls us all to different things, and there are so many scriptures to back up the fact that we will experience trails. All things work together for good....His Word does not return void...He who began a good work in your will be faithful to complete it... Paraphrasing slightly, but you get the idea.

God never promises to keep us from the trial, but He does promise to keep us from destruction when we rely on Him. Your post has made me consider some things in my life that I would prefer to be easy right now. Somewhere, I once heard someone say something like "Don't waste your suffering." True words.
 
EXACTLY!!! I mean we're called to embrace suffering with pure joy as a fellowship with Him who suffered, right?

Now, can a 5 year old do that? No. But as a 42 year old woman looking back on my own life and childhood and the nastiness that created who I am today. Would I be who I am, would I look at things the way I do, would I trust Him if it had not been that way? It was THAT life that drove me to HIM. It was THAT yuck that caused me to seek a Saviour. I wonder sometimes if my life had been comfortable and happy when I was young, would I have even felt the need.
 
I think the only thing to do in this situation is just pray that God's Will be done, in the mother's life, in the child's life, in the family's life. Pray for biomom to get clean, stay clean, and come to the Lord herself. If the child's supposed to go back to her mom, the family needs to be prepared that this is God's Will at least for now. If the child is not supposed to go back, then she won't. God will work out the circumstances according to His perfect Will, whether we like it or not, because only He can see the end from the beginning.
 
This is where faith comes in! I agree with Lindina. God's will is the best for this childs life. However, I also believe that God expects us, as adults, to protect children. So, if we know a child is being hurt, then we have a responsibility to report that.

It's hard to have faith that the system will not let this little girl slip through the cracks. I have seen children ripped from loving foster homes because CS thought that the bio parents had it together, only to have the children pulled from the home a few months later. However, there are thousands of children that child services has helped thorught the years. Sadly, you hear more about their mistakes then you do their interventions!

God could have put you into this families life as encouragement too. Loosing this child will be hard on them, but maybe you can be the "light at the end of the tunnel"

Praying for this situation!
 
Lindina said:
I think the only thing to do in this situation is just pray that God's Will be done, in the mother's life, in the child's life, in the family's life. Pray for biomom to get clean, stay clean, and come to the Lord herself. If the child's supposed to go back to her mom, the family needs to be prepared that this is God's Will at least for now. If the child is not supposed to go back, then she won't. God will work out the circumstances according to His perfect Will, whether we like it or not, because only He can see the end from the beginning.
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Absolutely! Beautifully said!

We are in the process of adopting for the second time, and I have seen so many children in situations that frankly have kept me awake at night. This has been a real faith stretcher for me. I have wondered why God has brought these children into our lives, and the answer seems to be that I would pray for them and their bio families. God is certainly bigger than any one of us. He is the savior of the world, not any of us, and he can take care of that child where ever he places her.

There will be hurt and pain in this child's life, whether they stay with their now foster parents, or if they are returned to the bio family. This is such a broken world. I pray that God will watch over this precious child, and make himself known to her. I pray that all involved will feel His presence and be drawn closer to Him.
 
In situations like this, and in all areas of life, it is important to remember that God has his will and then he has his permissible will. It may or may not be God's will for this child to return to the mother. Still, he promises to be faithful to the end and he will be glorified in this situation no matter how it turns out. As Brooke shared, God does work everything out for the good whether his will is followed or not. Does this mean he desires us to hurt and feel pain, of course not. But as humans we put ourselves in these situations or we cause these problems by our choices; such as this mother. God being all powerful can draw the mom to himself as well as this child. No matter what path is chosen for this child; the mom or foster parents, she doesn't walk alone. God will be there to meet her and her bio-mom if they are willing to receive his grace and mercy.
 
I believe that there are many times that we will not know or understand God's plan. I just concentrate on Corinthians chapter 2. What we go through now we can use to help others later. I know that I have used my pain to help others whenever I can. God NEVER wastes a hurt. You just need to pray for your friend. I have a family member that is a mother of four and is on the methadone program and she is a great mom (now she is...she had her time when she was NOT!). People can and do change. You can never know what a person is truely thinking or feeling. Maybe the mother will turn around for the better. Who knows....only God. Pray and pray hard! God's will be done....

Be blessed,
Dawn
 
I have no words of wisdom. It's hard to know God's will for other's lives.

What if the mom gets her child back and stays clean and they both have a great life.

What if she looses her child and that sends her back to drugs?

What if she gets the child back and get back on drugs and the child is harmed?

It's so hard to know-I'd just pray God's will to be done, even if you don't know what that is....
 
It is too complicated to fathom the ifs or buts.

I tend to side with the foster parents, because I believe it will hurt them so much to lose a child they obviously love. I also think that the child looks at them as her parents and to take that away would be too painful to watch.

I understand your point, and who knows what God has in mind.

I really believe that the best situation (IMO) is that she gets adopted by the foster parents, but that the bio mom is allowed to keep a relationship with her child. I think she deserves a chance to be a part of her child's life. It could be a beautiful thing, if everyone works together with the child's interests at heart.
 
We see in a glass darkly.....

I am in the same position as your friends, only with my gs. I live daily with the fear that he will some day be forced to return to his bio parents. Many of my friends have had this happen after 2, 4, even 8 years of caring for children from infancy. It is very hard to understand why God allows this. I only know that it is at this point that faith must take over. God has promised to be faithful and to never leave us or forsake us.

I hope and pray that this situation will turn out that the child will remain with his "real" home - that of the foster family. But should that not happen, there is still hope. There is always hope. I don't know how it is in your state, but in our state, if someone has performed the role of parent they are entitled to court ordered visitation. I hope this would be the case if the bio mom gets the child back.

God bless. Please let us know how this all turns out!
 
I have no idea on what should happen to the child. I have an aunt who is in the same situation. She has fostered 3 sisters for the last 4 years. The youngest since birth. It is tough to even know what to pray for.

On a different issue... This last year has totally taught me that God's "blessings" are not all easy, fluffy good things. We have had blessings that brought me to my knees, begging in tears for it to not happen. I have been pushed to the point of crying so much, all that was a blessing. And I say that, because I know that we wouldn't not be where I am without those "blessings". I know that God was doing good for me, he was providing the best care for me, and my future. But it sucked!!! I have blessing marks, bruises and tears from them. But I am better off because of them, God provided for me.
 
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