Hope all goes well in your adoption process I think that is great that you are adopting! Are these boys staying with you as your foster children now? How long have they been with you? We also adopted!! Our child was placed with us straight from the hospital (1 day old...), but took 2 yrs for beginning to end... The birth mom also appealed, but in Calif. when 4 of your children are removed and adopted, then any/all other children are immediatly placed for adoption. Boy, it was a rollercoaster, but we are so blessed and enjoyed the ride! We were foster parents for about 5 years! Enjoyed every child that was placed with us, hope that we gave them a good start in their life.... God bless you ! Mary
Yes, as we were told when we adopted! Ours was the youngest of 5 children. The 2 oldest were adopted by the paternal grandmother and the younger two were adopted by another foster family (who live in Austin, Texas..), we wanted to keep them together, but the state had other plans Mary
That is surprising to me. I guess the state decided that she will never be rehabilitated to the degree that she can take care of children. I don't doubt that in this case they were right, but in a way, that type of policy could set a dangerous precedent for any criteria the state chooses to use to deem someone incapable. But that's not the focus of this thread, so I'll get back to 4kidsMom and say that I'm hoping that all is going well in the adoption process for you.
prairie, I have heard of this before, when drug addicts try and try and do not recover they often times loose all chance at parenting. Often they become parents in the first place by irrisponsibly doing what they should not, so while they are addicts they don't care. Later in life when they have actually made it, usualy once they humble themselves to the Lord and ask Him to help them, they want the kids back. But then they have to prove themselves not only willing but able. i know a few women who got thier kids back child by child, as they proved over the years that they could do it. I know others who will never get thier children back as thier own, but were granted visitation once they improved themselves for children who were older. it is sad, but the good thing is that kids get to live in loving homes with food and clothes and help with thier homework even!
Yes, I agree with that. Hopefully it gives them more than a glimpse into what a funcioning family looks like so that they can chart their own lives more successfully.
Update: We have started our IMPACT classes. This Sat. was our 2nd class, we have to attend 5. No, the boys are not in our foster care. They are with a family that attends our church. I talked to the foster mom tonight and she tells me that these boys have a sister. I knew they did, but I did not know she was with them when they were taken from the mom. When the mom would leave them alone to go out, the 5 yr old sister would become "mommy". But she has a different dad so he came and picked her up when he found out DEFCS had gotten involved. Now she cries for the boys alot. We learned in class that older siblings do this sometimes when they have had to assume the role as caretaker for the other kids. They dont cry for her, but she does for them. So now the sisters dad has said he would like to adopt them, if they come up for adoption. (Also the mothers mom has acted like she is interested, but not showing up for visits). He gets first dibs on them ,because he has the sister. Needless to say, this is not sitting very well with our family. We are all so sad. I understand the feelings of the sister, but the dad is not married and has her and a set of twin boys. ( not sure of their age). How many kids will the state allow him to have if he is the only caretaker? And yes We would still allow them to see the sister. Now my dh and I dont know that we can foster at all after a story the foster mom told us tonight. She said they had a little boy (fostering) and her whole family became so attached that when they called and gave her 1 days notice that they were coming to take the kid back, her family was so devastated it was horrible. I dont know that we could do that. We would request birth- 6 yrs. old and we all love little ones. WE would be crushed if they took "OUR" baby. Has anyone else had to deal with this or these feelings? Please tell me I`m not crazy. I am trying to figure out why God would have us do all this ( classes, home study, missing our kids ball games, etc...) if we dont end up with these boys. I have thought maybe he used them to get us ready for someone else, but my dh does not agree. He wants these boys so bad. Sorry so long. Just a lot on my mind right now. I guess I`m thinking out loud.
Our first foster son was 18 months old and the day he left was heartbreaking but the main goal of foster care is re-unification. I know you don't want to hear that right now but that is just the way it is. Not all kids will go back home but when they do and when it works out for the family then we have done a great job. We once had a 4 year old little boy and his 8 month old sister. We were very attached to them and one day a worker showed up at our door and said she had come to pick them up. I said oh do they have a visit today? She said no they are moving to another state to live with relatives didn't anyone call you? So there I was with nothing packed and my husband and older kids weren't even there to say good bye. I was so angry but it just goes with the job sometimes. I made the lady come in and wait while we got their things together and made some pictures. By the way. Four years later I got the little boy back but not the little girl. He stayed with us and was adopted by a wonderful couple. He came back to see us when he was 19 and looked so good. I don't see why the court would give the boys to the father of their sister. That doesn't seem right. Here a blood relative would get considered first. And being considered does not mean you get to adopt the children. Don't give up yet. I don't want to get your hopes up but you still might be able to get these boys if you are patient and hang in there. I would think the grandmother might have a good chance too but if she isn't coming in to visits that won't look so good for her. I know you have to protect your families feeling here and you don't want them to get their hearts broken but it doesn't sound like you are out of the picture yet. I hope it all works out for you. Beth
Yes, I understand that re-unification is the main goal. I have said things to my dh about maybe we could just think of it as though we may be the only way these children see Gods love or hear about him, but he still is not sure he could do it. As far as giving them to a blood relative, it is that way here as well, but none of them seem to care. No one is stepping forward. So maybe they are considering him because the sister is blood. I really have no idea. My dh is waiting for a call from our DEFCS worker to ask her some questions about this subject. His brain has really been working today and he wants to get some answers from her.
I am praying your husband gets the answers he needs to be sure he can handle foster care or foster to adopt. It is a hard thing when you love a child and they come take it from you. Believe me I know. An old friend told me once to always love them like they are your own but to never forget that they are not. It is hard to remember but it is true, until you sign those final adoption papers anything can happen. I am praying for your family and for those little boys. I pray you will find peace in the decisions you will have to make about the boys. God bless you for wanting to give them a forever home. Beth
Well, we completed our classes. Yea! Then I got a phone call today. I talked to the foster mother and she told me that the birth father is stepping up and doing his end of the deal. I am so happy for these two little boys. They need their daddy in their life. She said they visited with him the other day and had so much fun. I am glad and sad at the same time. But they need this. I don`t want them later in life wondering why their father did not want them. I went through that and still am to some degree. So I would not want these poor babies going through it also. So it is looking like re-unification. Yes, I understand that is the goal, but.......... Anyway, just wanted to give an update. Please keep these boys and my family as well in your prayers.
4kidsmom, I will pray--for the boys AND for you! I can certainly understand, to a degreee, what you're feeling right now. My dh and I almost adopted a little girl. Her grandparents were her legal gaurdians and ASKED us if we would like to adopt her! Wow, we said yes right away! She was about 18 months older than our oldest son, and our youngest is a little over 2 years younger than that. It was a thrilling thought to adopt, and we were quite a ways into the process when another family member went to the court system, had their own parents (the grandparents of the little girl) declared incompetent, then adopted the girl themselves! They were not Christians, and had been asked about adopting her before, since they were family, but they did NOT want the girl---until we were in the process of adopting her. It's a whole long story. But, at any rate, that put an end to us having her, and the grandparents were more sad that the girl would grow up in a non-Christian home, than that their child had declared them incompetent! No matter how hard you try to tell yourself it may not work out, it's still quite a let-down when it actually doesn't work out! God is good though. About a week or two after we found out we wouldn't be able to adopt her, I found out I was pregnant---with a girl! Anyway, you had a BIG heart to want to take those boys! Keep it open, God may have something else in mind for you! :love:
Thanks for keeping us posted. I will be praying for the father to see things through for the benefit of these children. Patty
Hi Ladies, Its been forever since I have been here. But I have an update of sorts. And a question if anyone can help me!:? Last year about this time we were going through all this stuff about these boys, then it all fell through. We were told the dad was in the pic. So that was that (or so we thought) Now it has been brought to us again. Last year we finished all our paperwork, (which was A LOT) and finished our classes. But the social worker said if we were not going to foster just anyone and we did not know the statis of these 2 boys, then she could not do our homestudy. Okay, got that. So it was all dropped. Now here we are again and that social worker we were dealing with no longer works there and we are having a time with our county. Anyway, (have to make this short, my oven just died I think) We are getting our homestudy done soon, and Im wondering, do you have to have the room ready that the kids will use for the study? I was told no, but I have read some things lately that make me think otherwise. I will call Tue and ask, but was wondering if anyone here knew. Thanks bunches. (I have also been searching the web).
My heart goes to you! We start the process on June 5th with the initial home study and then the 21st for the classes. It may differ from state to state from what I have seen! I wish you the best! I know I am stressed about it and we are just about to start!!
Our classes were great. They were a lot of fun and VERY educational. I am a little worried about our homestudy though. Hope all goes well for you.
It has been a few years and we live in NC, but we didn't have to have the rooms ready for any of our four adoptions. We did have to have room measurements for the social worker so she could be sure we had enough room for all the kids. Best of luck and don't get too worried about everything being perfect. My best advice would be to just be yourselves. Beth
