I started to post here yesterday and then decided to wait. I waited and prayed and I still feel like I need to say what I had intended to say yesterday. I have fostered 116 children over a 20+ year period. Did I care about them all? Yes! Did I like them all? No. Did I love them all? Yes. Did I want to adopt them all? Oh NO! I honestly feel like God picked the four we did adopt and he placed the love for them in my heart and in the hearts of my husband and other children. I didn't ever plan to adopt. Neither did my husband, but God had other plans. If you feel your heart being ripped out every time you have to leave those boys behind and you have to fight the urge to just grab them and take them home, then maybe you already have your answer. I love all 7 of my kids. I know 4 of them have another mother out there. They gave birth to my children but I am their mother. They can't have a part in my children's lives right now, but I understand that some day my kids might go find their birth parents. I have told my children that it is okay to talk about and love the birth parents even though in part of the cases the birth parents don't deserve the love. ( In my opinion) My handicapped 17 year old can write letters to birth mom and we send them through Social Services. After he did it twice he lost interest. My fourteen year old daughter wants to talk to her birth mother but we can't contact her until our daughter is older. I did let her meet with her old social worker and ask anything she wanted to ask. We all cried and I sat beside Crystal and told her I loved her no matter what and she could ask anything or say anything and it would not change my love for her. I even offered to leave her alone to talk but she asked me to stay. She felt a lot better after that meeting. Our last adopted child was much older, 15, when we adopted him. He is full of anger toward the birth parents which are Crystal's parents too. He says he never wants to see them. Emily has been here since she was 3 weeks old and has no memory of birth mom. I just wanted to share some of this with you as you make you decision. I know this is long and rambling but maybe you will get some idea of how much I love my kids. Adopted or birth kids, no difference. I sometimes hear my older kids say things that make me think they forget we adopted their brothers and sisters but I love that! My older kids are great with the younger ones and that just makes me feel like I did a pretty good job with them all. I will be praying for you. Beth
Sloan127, Thank you for your story. I do feel like I am leaving behind my kids sometimes. One night at church the foster family did not come and I went to the bathroom, closed myself in a stall and cried. I told God I just wanted to touch them. I felt as though someone had taken my birth babies and I was waiting to see them. That may sound so crazy, but that really is how I felt. They gave the birth father 3 to 4 weeks from the date of the scheduled appointment he missed. I guess to see if he would do anything. Yesterday was 3 weeks. (still no contact from him) The foster mother told me as soon as she had the info on who to contact about adopting the boys she would give it to me. So now we are just waiting. My DH did tell me the other day that he has a sense of peace about this. And he got a little emotional the other day at work thinking about them and the oldest calling him Daddy again.
Beth, I'd still love to see your family album! Being faced with the graduations of our youngest ones in a couple of years, I find myself daydreaming about foster care, working in an orphanage, or having grandchildren near me. Whenever you write about your extra-ordinary family, I zero-in with interest. I still smile inwardly when I remember your post about not having any discipline problems--"Oh, no! 'Just being called in to the principal's office regularly," etc! You just gotta have a sense of humor with that many kids!!!
A little update, I went to church this past Sunday and got to see the boys.:love: Well, then the foster mother tells us that they(the boys) cannot sit with us in service anymore.:cry: They are worried about the social worker. They said she is at their home almost everyday checking the kids for scatches or bruises. They said the boys doc was going to talk to this social worker and tell her they are BOYS. They are going to get this kind of stuff from everyday life. Man, if this social worker had seen my 13 yr olds shins when he was little, she would have accused me of child abuse for sure. (When he sat in his high chair he was constantly kicking the bottom side of the tray and his shins were black and blue. Luckily I had an understanding pediatrician.) Anyway, then the foster mom tells us she was mistaken about how long they were giving the dad. It was not 3 or 4 weeks, it was 3 or 4 MONTHS!!!!:shock: Please keep us in your prayers. We have talked about going ahead with our end, like doing the classes we need and home study. We are going to orientation on May 9 to start the process. If anyone has any information on the home study thing or how the classes went for you, I would love to hear from you.
I have a friend who went thru this. I was very surprised when I heard you say 3-4 weeks. 3-4 months even sound a little soon to terminate parental rights. (not to me but for the court) My friend that went thru this actually had her adopted son in her home for a year maybe a little over a year before the dads rights were termed. The reason why the courts do this is actually pretty smart. It is hard on the adopted parents but if they give this dad chance after chance and he never steps up to the plate he in a sense hangs himself. In my friends case they extended the dad's chances several times and gave him lots of oportunities. So he could never come back and say he only had one chance, or he didnt know, or any other excuse. He had 18 months and 5-6 court dates that he did not respond too. I would encourage you to get your homestudy done and your classes. I think your kids will have to talk also with the homestudy so you may want to help prepare them. Good luck and God bless you for being a mommy to those boys, remember "His grace is suffiecent for you" Jill
It took four years before they terminated parental rights for my brothers bio mom. They try to do everything they can to make sure the parent is not fit. I am still praying. Keep us posted and thanks for the update. Patty
It took us four years to get to adopt Crystal too. The birth mother accepted the TPR but the birth father kept appealing the decision. He is the one who drug things out so long. Then he didn't even come to court. If the kids have been in foster care for a while already that should count toward the amount of time the dad has had to straighten his life out and get the boys back. Here the parents have to show some progress in their plan to get the kids back or TPR can be started after a year in foster care. I think it is still a year. It used to be even longer. Relatives of the foster children can try to adopt them also but I would say you need to get busy on the home study and classes so you show you are serious and really want the boys. If a TPR is done and you haven't started the process they could place the boys with a family who has already done all the paper work. Our home study wasn't bad at all. Lots of questions about parenting and how you would handle situations with the children. The classes were the same as the ones you take for foster care and I found them to be dull at times and at times very emotional. Ours were called MAPS. It was several years ago so I am sure they have improved. I hope this all works out for you. I know the waiting is hard. Beth
Wow I just read all this and I want to give you adoptive parents big hugs. I was adopted when I was 12 days old. I just wanted to say what you guys are doing in wonderful!
My mom and dad divorced when I was 2 and she remarried when I was 8. My step dad adopted me and has loved me as though I was his blood. I can relate to these kids because I know how it feels for a parent to just give up their rights and not even fight for you.
Well I noticed that someone else posted almost this same thing under another heading. We are going to our orientation meeting this Wed. night to start our process. I have ( as of right now) a 2 page list of questions to ask when i get the chance tomorrow. I heard that it will count toward the 20 hours of classes that we have to have.( the class is 2 hours long). I sure hope it does. I found out that the youngest little boy turned 2 in Feb. and the other one will be 4 in Aug. My mom is wanting this process to hurry before they are grown lol.
We went for our orientation tonight. It was very informative. We did find out that we can start our classes this Sat. and have them done in 4 weeks. The the lady told us as soon as we were done with that, she could start our home study and have that done in four weeks. So it looks like we will be done with our end and waiting for the deadline with the boys. I`m getting excited! Please keep us in your prayers.
Oh you have been in my prayers since you first mentioned your boys. Yes I know I said "your" boys. I bet that is the way you think of them too. I remember all the early feelings and how hard it is to wait this stuff out but it will be over before you know it and you will all be home together. Bless you and all who adopt our country's foster children. Keep us posted. I am so excited for you. Beth
Wow only 4 weeks? How many hours? I'm the other person and ours seems to drag out - even with being only 27 hours plus the actual in house stuff. My husband doesn't go back into work until tomorrow and will find out about the dates and rules etc for leave for this type of process. Each agency is different and with a shortage of staff they don't have much room to move.
I was mistaken, sorry. It is 5 weeks.We have to complete 20 hours of classes. Then the home study. The hours for the class are 9:00am-1:00pm every Sat. The only problem I seem to be having is the fact that all 4 of my kids have softball games every Sat. But we have talked to them and they fine with it. They said they would video all the games so we didn't miss anything lol.
Thanks, MonkeyMamma! That's real good to hear, especially coming from someone who has been adopted. I'm reading this thread with interest. My prayers are with those of you in the process, as well as... well, foster care just may be-- very unllikely--but may be something we can do in the futre. I mean, I can't imagine our home being without children again when our youngest ones graduate!
