Dugger family having another one~

Yes, and I find it rather ironic with all the recent posts about members being criticized for homeschooling, because it is "not normal" for them not to be in a school, that anyone here would feel comfortable criticizing another homeschooler for not being normal just because the family has more children they do and obviously that means that these children are not being raised "the right way."

 

I think if the Duggars didn't want people to speculate on their lives or criticize them or make assumptions, they wouldn't have put themselves in a reality show on TV.

The reality of it is that they obviously don't care if people disagree with their lifestyle. It has to be that or they are idiots who thought everyone would see how they live and all think it's great.

I disagree with the way a lot of people do things in their families. I'm sure they would disagree with me and the way I do things in mine. If I put myself and my family on public display, I would expect to invite public criticism of my lifestyle. As it is, we are private, and so I expect to hear only limited criticism of our choices.

People are free to think and say what they like about the Duggars because they have made the choice to make their lives public for scrutiny. They invite people into their home through their TV show and thus invite them to say and think what they like about it. My guess is that the Duggars are just fine with that or they wouldn't do it. I'm sure they've noticed by now that many don't happen to agree with their choices for their family, but it obviously doesn't bother them.

 

Well I personally think this is getting out of hand I will say one more thing. And it's my opinion and you all can take it with a grain of salt it wouldn't bother me one bit.
None of us on here knows the family personally, none of us knows what goes on behind anyones close doors. We all can say what we want and what we think which is fine it's a free world and we all have our opinions. I will take your opinions on the family about as good as you take my opinion and that is fine. But, I am stickng to mine until someone proves it other wise. And I hope you all stick to yours too.
But, I don't think anyone should be upset with anyone it's a free world and when we open these thread, we open them to everyone and everyone has different opinion and that is why God make us all different to keep the world going.

 

Ok, so this whole thread has gotten out of hand. Wow, people! I don't know the family, and will probably never meet them, but I was raised with the quiver full idea and I do understand it, and I agree with it. I just think everyone's "quiver" is a different size. Their's seems to be larger then most, and I think that's great. As far as them being "perfect" I am sure they are not, because no one is. As far as how they have their family dress, my children don't get to choose how the dress, they are told the guidlines. As far as social issues, isn't that the same argument we have as homeschoolers?
Anyway, I still think that it's neat, but I think that about any family with any child.

 

We don't practice the quiver full idea. However, I have no problem w/ it. As far as the kids not choosing how they wear their hair or how they dress, well to an extent niether do mine. To the eye, my family looks similar to the Duggar's(different church denom.'s, but some of the same modesty beliefs) Our children are given modesty guidelines for clothing, as long as they dress w/in those general guidelines they can choose what they wear. I'm sure some aren't as "strict", but I would hazard a guess that most of us do have some sort of guidelines for how our kids dress.

LR

 

I would love to know their schedule! I stay busy almost all day with just 3, maybe she has some tips that she could share!

 

Lol- 'sex freak'! But- he must be, too. It takes two to tango.
Well, Kris, you can come to my house and watch the Lifetime movie they make from the book!

 

LOL...wow...I seriously am surprised anyone cares what anyone else does. They are not on welfare...they are not in debt...they are not abusive...so who cares how many they have...that is their business.

 

Ok, so this whole thing has gotten me thinking about my mil and how much she hates the Dugger family. I am big enough to admit that her hating them may be part of the reason why I like them. Anywho, in her last argument about them, she made the comment "If they want to live that way, fine, but to go and tell other people to live that way is not ok."

I JUST REALIZED WHAT SHE SAID!!

What??? How dare they tell people about their beliefs. Christians are supposed to hide behind their church doors aren't they??? Radicals, the whole lot of them!! Next, someones going to start practicing what they preach!!!

Yes, sarcasim was intended

 

I just wanted to say...I saw a couple of 'sex freak' comments. I get that from my family, too. They think my husband and I are sex freaks because our kids are all between 18 mos and 2 years apart. (8, 6.5, 4.5, 2). I tell them over and over again and they don't hear...IT ONLY TAKES ONCE! Isn't that what they're supposed to tell teens about pregnancy? Well, I'll testify that it's absolutely TRUE.

***
My daughter wants me to have 18 more kids (she's 8). I told her that it would never happen because first off she would have to keep her room clean for a whole month before I'd even consider considering it. She agreed it would never happen then. It's kind of funny, because she has her "I hate being the oldest" moments.

My husband's youngest aunt (out of 7, his mom being the oldest) is three years older than he is. He has cousins younger than our kids. My brother and SIL just went off to college. I am kind of holding back because both my mom and my MIL didn't get to spend a lot of time being "grandma" when my kids were little because they had so much focus - rightly so - on being mom. My SIL was/is actually jealous of my daughter. So I'm still trying to decide if I want that much of a spread. People keep asking if we're done after having four, and I shrug and tell them it's up in the air. The only thing I knew for certain was that there was no way we were considering it until my baby turned at least two, so I could have some "my body" time.

They seem to have made the decision years ago, not based around TV shows or media outpouring. I have to respect that, even if it's not the decision I would've made.

 

Ya know, in having 5 kids, I have had to listen to people who don't think I should have so many; I've had others tell me I should have more. I've had people be verbally abusive in saying their thoughts of 5 children and how emotionally scarred they will be since I chose to have more than one...

So I have to ask the question....what number is too many? Who decides that number? Do we become like China in that regard? It's said "if they can afford it"...what is the magic financial number? Should you only have x# based on the cost of each having a ivy league education?

As said, it is the same as all of us choosing to homeschool. Do we all homeschool the SAME EXACT WAY? Do we use only one curriculum? Does that make only this family right because they use "X" curriculum?

In a religious discussion, Psalm 127 is where the reference of "quivers" comes from....a wonderful friend shared these thoughts with me "I have been researching quivers ... and there is no set number than defines the number of arrows in a quiver. In fact there are no absolute standards on what a quiver looks like or how it is worn. The size/style of a quiver .. and the number of arrows ... was determined largely by how they were used .. what the warrior was called to. So ... this gives me pause to think ..... God has unique plans for each of our lives, and every family is uniquely designed by him. May it not be then that our families, with different plans and purposes by God, may vary as the quivers vary according to their intended use? Number of arrows is not the only factor in whether or not you hit the target ... and the targets were not always the same. Isn't a well-placed arrow in the hands of an archer who has been equipped by the Lord to "bend a bow of bronze" as sufficient to its task as a barrage of arrows? Hmmmmm"

So who is any one person to decide what the appropriate number is? I wonder what would be said if a rule was made that all couples must have, let's say, 7 children each.

So, since I am a Christian and believe in God and his will, who am I to say what anyone else should do?

 

pointless

 

I disagree that just because people consent to do a TV show, they are asking for other people to call them names. I mean, stating an opinion and calling people names, even if indirectly, are two very different things in my home. One is acceptable when done with respect, the other is very disrespectful and even a form of bullying.

I do not know the Duggar family personally, but I have pretty good discernment about human nature and I would say this family consented to do the show after they were approached because they wanted to share their lifestyle which in a big way exhibits their love for God. In fact, you if read the info on their website, they claim they would not have done the show unless their beliefs were in the program. I would say they believed it to part of their missions work.

 

. by rhi

i know, i was agreeing with jen, lol.

 

Wow!

I liked the info. about the quiver--no exact amount of arrows, etc., thanks squarepeg!

I don't get the reasoning behind people saying, "Well, they're not perfect parents!" Ummmm, I have watched that show a few times, and I have never heard them to even hint at that type of thought! In fact, they've said the opposite a few times! I'm not sure what that has to do with it, since noone expects anyone to be perfect, since noone is!

I guess I should be criticized too. I mistakenly thought that having older children help with chores and littles was part of learning responsibility! My oldest helped with diapers, holding the hands of the littles when we went on a walk, helping them get into their booster seat at the table or in the car., etc., and the other two have helped each other and us by doing chores and working together on things to help their dad and me out as needed. It was all about being a cohesive, loving family--working together--when one needs help, you help them, when you need help, others will help you! It had nothing to do with treating them with disrespect, and not allowing them to do anything or hardly anything they wanted! "A family who works and prays together stays together" was kind of the guideline we went by. When I've watched the show, I don't see one older constantly with the littles! They all share responsibilities! The last show I saw, the dad was constantly holding at least one of the littles, sometimes two.

So yeah, as much as I love and adore you guys (that's the truth!), I have to disagree with many of you on this one. IN fact I'm really surprised at all the harsh criticism! Sure you have a right to your opinion, absolutely! I'm just saying I don't understand the harshness toward a family that's living a Godly lifestyle, homeschooling their kids, is obviously a close family, if you've ever watched the show (there are somethings you just can't fake!), and often go out of their way to pitch in as a family to help others!

I agree with a previous posters comments about it being interesting hearing these harsh opinions, when they complain of others harsh opinions toward themselves from family/friends/others because they homeschool! Why are some allowed harsh opinions/attitudes and others aren't? It's never easy to take when they're directed AT you, so it would seem that, since we are not walking the main highway, that we would be willing to be more understanding of others that are not walking the main highway either!

 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Eph. 4:29 (NIV)

 

Really good post, Deena.

LR

 

I never said they were 'asking' people to call them names. I'm saying that they had to expect that would happen. If they went into the situation believing everyone would only have nice things to say about their choices, then they were either extremely naive or just plain stupid.

My guess is that they knew some would take a negative attitude towards their family choices and just don't care, and that's great.

My point is that if they put themselves in a public forum, then they have to accept all the consequences of that, and that certainly includes the unpleasant along with the good. I'm also saying that, because they put themselves in a public forum, they invite whatever commentary they get. That's part of public life.

As for me, I never said whether I agree or disagree with their choices. I honestly don't give a rip about the Duggars one way or the other. I don't live in their house, and I'm not the one who either enjoys or suffers from their choices.

 

Interesting. Well, this is a "public forum"...do you expect people to call you names or to be attacked by someone's "commentary," such as being called stupid or extremely naive, because you post here or do you expect to be treated with respect?

I am responding to your post because you responded to mine, but the rest I have to say is not to you personally, but to anyone who has the heart to hear it.

What I am concerned about is how people hurt their own consciences, souls, reputations, or whatever part of a persons psyche you might call it, by their actions. I have this philosophy that when we judge others, we are actually placing judgments on ourselves. To me, that is to truly invite judgment from others also.

 

Seeking, once again your wisdom comes shining through!

Maybe they did "invite" by going public. But I think each of us has to look into ourselves to see whether it is the responsibile thing to do. I have said in the past that comments made about this particular family amounts to nothing but gossip. And their being a public family doesn't make it right. We are each responsible for our own words, regardless of what others do or say.