Dugger family having another one~

I agree with Deena and Jackie here. Im rather shocked that for a group of moms who have picked an educational choice that isnt too popular, that some would be so quick to judge or be critical of a family who has chosen to raise as many children as the Lord would allow them to be blessed with. It is backbiting and mean. I mean some of the stuff that was said about them, simply bc of the amt of children?? Plus, all the kids have different talents on that show, right? So if they are never alone, and always taking care of children how did they cultivate those talents. I mean can you imagine practicing the piano holding a child on your hip? Im just surprised. I can only imagine what would have been said about me if you girls knew me personally

 

girls, girls....
Michelle Dugger...and others whom shall remain nameless, have made choices that I myself could not imagine making.
Thank God we live in a place and a time where we have these choices to make for ourselves.
I like the quiver post...uniquely illuminating.
When we were thinking about our 4th child...we heard many of these arguements. I worried about being able to spend "quality time" with each of the children. A friend, with a large family said to me..."we feel that the children's relationship amongst themselves is as important if not, eventually more important, than thier relationship with us." As I tell my kiddo's...your siblings are the only ones who will really understand how crazy your parents were (are).
I would hate to be in a place where there was not birth control available...or where birth control was mandatory...ugh.
My eldest, who was 13 when the baby was born had some childcare responsabilities...and each of the older children are expected to have a role in thier siblings lives. Some of the babysitting was an expected chore...and some was negotiated for compensation. There were times when she was required to arrange her schedule to accomadate the "chores" and others that I did not fuss about. (like school dances, but then she was in public school so it was different.)
Anyhow...I can't imagine how if one was really addicted to sex, having a bunch of children would be how one would go about it...(lack of personal time was one of the things that we discussed in our personal decision to have more kids.)

 

I agree with a lot of you that I feel bad for the older kids. Hubby & I were talking about it that naturally "older" ones take care of younger no matter how many kids you have like he said it's an instinct, but to have them "buddy" with another it another. I wish those olders had a little more carefree "kid" time.

Somebody wrote about someone else holding the baby. When I watched a snipit of it the other nite I found it weird that the baby was being pushed around DC with a boy around 10yrs old. Why wasn't Michelle or Jim Bob pushig the baby?

I also find it interesting that Josh & Anna are still really in the picture as far as the taping...they probably worked out a monetary deal.

 

Seeking, again, you missed my point entirely. I didn't call the Duggars 'stupid' or 'naive.' I said they would be if they put their lives on display so publicly as a reality show and figured they would hear no criticisms from anyone for their lifestyle choices. If you'd really read my post, you'd have noticed that I made it clear I didn't believe they were either because I'm quite sure they knew that there would be people who didn't agree with them. They're obviously comfortable enough with their choices that they're OK with people being critical of them.

And, yes, on a public forum I expect to have people make all kinds of commentary on things I say, within whatever rules that forum has. Look at this thread. People who disagree with the Duggars' lifestyle and who have said so have been jumped on and called names like 'mean' and been told that they're 'bullies.'

Would I think people who comment on a private person's lifestyle choices was rude? Yes. Do I think people who comment on a public person's lifestyle choices [when they do an entire show weekly specifically highlighting their lifestyle choices] are rude? When they write books and give interviews about their lifestyle choices? Not necessarily. I personally think a person can say, in that case, that they think the Duggars are making poor choices in respectful ways and be totally fair. You can't call it gossip if the people have put it all out there knowing, even hoping, it would be talked about. I'm even betting they have a forum just for the show to...wait for it...talk about what they saw.

As I've said, I don't care what the Duggars do or don't do. I don't watch their show, haven't read anything they've written, and have never seen or read an interview they've done. I wouldn't know a Duggar if they walked right past me. It's not the Duggars who bother me. It's their fans who are apparently far thinner-skinned than the Duggars seem to be.

I'm done commenting on this subject as I really think I've made the point I intend to make.

 

Well ladies I think who ever makes them self public are in for the long haul and we all know it.
There are going to be good things said about a person and bad things. That is life.
We all know when we make our self public we are up againist anything.
That is life.
If anyone every watch tv of any kind which I am sure we all have look how the public loves to watch programs or anything good or bad on a person.
We are human, people we have judge people forever and if you haven't or tell yourself you haven't then I don't get it. I know no one is perfect and everyone has judge one way or another in our life good or bad. In our younger or older years we all have.
Yes when we go on a public board we are in for it too
I have been slam alot, judge by alot of you and I am sure you all have been too.
But, hay when you put something out there, you are asking for opinion good or bad.
I don't except everyone to agree or disagree with anyone.
It's a free world.

So, I took my time this morning read through all the threads and I have to say ladies now don't get me wrong (I love you all) I think everyone wrote what they thought from there heart was right. There was nothing bad or good about anything. I look at it as everyone of us have our opinion on this subject or others subject like teaching text some love it some don't we don't say anything to those that do or those that don't. We gone on and do what is best for our family.
I think that is what the duggers do they do what is best for there family. They could care less what a few homeschool spot mothers say about them. I am sure they are smart people they know they are going to get people who love them and people who don't understand them. The same could go for Jon and Kate plus 8 I am sure we have good and bad things to say about them. But, hay they are in the public eye so they want attention and know they are going to get it good or bad. Thats the whole idea of going public for anyone here or on TV
Now ladies that is my opinion ok.

 

I did not say that you did, but if that is the only thing you got out of my post, perhaps I failed in being clear.

Because they have so many children, they are attract interest, which developed into a TV show where they reach thousands of people to tell them about their belief in God--which is the main reason they do it, I believe. This is part of their missionary field. I have not been called to do it, but I admire that they are reaching thousands of people and that their message has changed many more lives than I have ever touched. I think they believe the Lord has lead them to this calling and so this is what they do.

Anyway, these kinds of "discussions" are why I do not post on forums much. Because in the end much of what I see is a number of hurting souls hurting other souls and it all detracting from the Kingdom of God. At this point, I am disappointed in myself because I participated in it also and yet failed to get people to understand how they are hurting their own souls in the process.

 

Uh-oh, don't get us started, Kris!!!

 

I've seen this discussion on other boards (not homeschool) and honestly I am pretty shocked at how nasty people are about having lots of kids, especially when this family can afford it.

Personally, I feel Mrs. Duggar's God given talent is having children and she makes the most of it. This seems to be her destiny and in my opinion, no one has any right to begrudge you your destiny.

I think their family life is special and I think the kids are probably far better off than 95% of the kids on this planet because of it. The Duggar's seem to truly love and cherish each other and that is something too many people are lacking.

Many people say - I could never have so many children...just like they say I could never homeschool my kids...

And we agree, don't we. That maybe not everyone is meant to have many children just like many of those moms who complain about their kids driving them crazy probably shouldn't spend all day with them trying to teach them to read.

But why care if one family can do both? I certain don't. More power to the Duggars, I wish I was as lucky as her. Honestly.

 

We all see this issue through the eyes of our personal experience. As a teenager who was constantly babysitting younger foster children in our home day and night I look at the situation through my eyes. I was content at the time. I liked being around kids and playing with them. But it wasn't until years later that I realized how much I had missed. I don't know what the babysitting is like in the Duggar household. I don't know them. But I do know that the parents are not able to parent that many children without significant help from the other children. There is no way two people could parent so many without help. I know some would have no problem with older siblings helping. I don't have a problem with older siblings helping either, but I wonder if it goes beyond helping to something that is expected and required on a regular basis. Again, I don't know the family and how they run things.

I think it is also important to realize that some children in a large family like this will grow up and love their large family. Others will not. Personalities are different. Some children may love the sense of family. Others who have personalities who crave time and attention (love language of time) may not feel as loved.

I don't know the Duggars at all. I don't know how they run things, but I think the life of a large family is not without sacrifices. The problem I have is that some of those sacrifices are made by the children.

The whole TV thing is another issue. But I think that is like other issues - some children will be fine with it, some may benefit from it, and others may be hurt from it. I'm sure their household has a wide spectrum of personalities.

Sex-crazed seems a bit unsubstantiated. This is number 19 right? So a fertile couple need only to have DTD 19 times. We don't know about any more than that.

 

That is very true, but you can also say the same thing for small families. How many times have I heard comments on here about the hassles of homeschooling an only child? Yet I can't imagine anyone here criticizing by saying, "Well, that's if only you'd have ANOTHER...." How rude and insensitive that would be!

 

Are you talking about loneliness? I'm sure there are small families out there where the child is lonely. Loneliness isn't necessarily remedied by having more children though. Every family has some type of issue. I think it is easier for a parent of an only child to make a decision for the child because they are basing it on one personality rather than 19 unique personalities. An only child wouldn't have the responsiblity of being a mini-parent either. Babysitting to help out parents isn't mini-parenting. Mini-parenting is where the older child takes on much of the daily activities. I don't know if the Duggars do that, but I'm suspecting they do because of the number of children.

I was watching old episodes of 7th Heaven this week when they had the twins. The older siblings were often asked to watch the babies, but you will find the parents doing the bulk of the parenting. The older children have a life apart from taking care of the babies. Their babysitting was not the norm. I see this as a healthier arrangement than what I experienced. I pretty much had no life apart from school and taking care of children.

A mother of 19 is free to have as many children as she wants just as someone else is free to limit the number of children they have. My point was that some personalities who crave time and attention will not be as fulfilled or happy in a situation where there is limited time from the parent. I don't know if the Duggars have children who crave time and attention, but with 19 children I'm guessing they have at least 1 or 2 like that. Time and attention from siblings is good, but it doesn't substitute for the parent.

 

Loneliness is one issue, but not the only one. All I'm saying is that there are unique sacrifices regardless. We have seemed to focus on the unique problems with a large family, as if there are NO unique problems with a small family. Sure, they probably have a few that are "more needy" than the others. I know I do, and I make a point of giving that one particular child special attention. No, I don't "ignore" my others as a result. I've no doubt that they also give special attention as needed. You just assume they can't because of the numbers.

Some children are quite content being an "only" or one of few. Others are not. But again, we don't criticize the parents that chose to have only one or two. We assume they are capable of working things out. Why can't we assume the same for Michelle?

 

I'm not so sure you can compare a real life family versus a scripted tv series with characters.

 

As the parent of an only......I can say that we DO get criticized, and quite often....and I didn't sign up for a reality show.

 

I'm sorry! I feel it's wrong to criticize the Duggars for their 19, and it's just as wrong to criticize you for your one. However many a family choses to have (or however many God choses to give them!) is no one's business but the parents. I hope you have a snappy comeback for anyone rude enough to think they need to tell you what number is "best" for you that puts them in their place!

 

That's too bad. I'm sorry for any hurt that people have caused you. It's nobody's business, and they should be more thoughtful towards your feelings.

 

Well, I've gotten criticized for having 3! "If you don't have an even number, one will always be left out!" "If you have one girl you have to have another, she's going to feel left out!" "You have two boys, why would you only have one girl?" Oh, and I've even been asked if I know what causes pregnancy, since my children "are so close together!" Ummm, the first two are 2 years & 4 months apart, the last two are 3 1/2 years apart! I think no matter how many anyone has or what s*x they are, someone or some people will feel the need to criticize! I guess some people have strong opinions of what is exactly the right amount of children, boys, girls, etc.!

The best thing to do would be to follow the Bible's advice, as others have said, and do not judge others......let God be the judge! I am soooo thankful it's His job and not mine or anyone else's!