HELP!!! Celtic "Hand Binding" Ceremony

"Love the person, not the sin" woulda been a good thing for me to put in my post. As I reread, nothing loving seemed to emit from it, and for that I appologize.

Heidi, out of curiosity, why wouldn't your aunt rejoice at a marriage between people who were previously living in sin? That is the kind of thing that falls under "tis better to marry than to burn" :wink: , right? People (including myself :wink: ) can be fickle....

Jackie, a reception sounds great! Good job, Becky, in suggesting that. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in making sure we are not participating in sin that we forget we need to reach out in love at the same time. Oh, to be more like the Master!

 

Jackie,
What a dear mother-in-law you are already trying to be. I think she and your son will appreciate your effort to welcome her into your family.
Blessings~
Tammy

 

Well ladies I have been reading the post and biting my tongue during this but I think it's a sin not to go to wedding too. They are trying. Heidi, siad you were right not to go to the wedding of someone who lived together because it's a sin. Well If that is so there would be no weddings now days. There are very few people who don't live together first.
I mean even staying for a few days and going back home to the parents is still loving together. I would go to the wedding and make your Son and new wife feel welcome.
First you should never judge someone or compare someone to someone else, everyone is different.
Another good thing to always remember the more you are againist something, the more they will push to go through with it. So, if you show no reaction it might work out.
Like they say if you tell you son or daughter not to date someone they will do it because you don't want them too.
I feel you should give them a chance, everyone deserve a chance.
Crystal, did speak very clear for us all.
Everyone of us in here have done some kind of sin in our life, some wouldn't admit it.
But, we all have been forgive and given a chance in life.
WHY not the SON and his WIFE.
Just remember you don't have to live with her he does.
It's is LIFE and hers and they must be Happy.
Let them know you are always going to be there. :lol:

 

If you are trying to teach your children to live by biblical principles, then how do you explain going to a wedding of a couple who has been living together for years? Or going to a baby shower for someone that isn't married? I don't know. "Well, they are doing this, but this is what you're supposed to do". Does that work?
Jackie~ what are you telling the girls regarding this situation with their step-brother?

Kris~ your saying that there would be very few weddings nowadays if people who lived together didn't have weddings.......what's your point? That it's ok? Just because everyone else is doing it, that makes it alright? Is that the mentality? Because I'd rather say to my girls "just because everyone is else doing it, it's still wrong in God's eyes and it doesn't make it ok for you to do it". And whatever sins I've committed and still commit today, I hope that I can use them as examples to teach my girls, not as reasons why it's ok for them to do the same (wrong) things.

Anyway, the issue here is not living together before marriage; I just brought that up as an example of not attending a relatives wedding because of personal beliefs. The issue is Jackie's situation, and I feel that she is handling things wonderfully!

 

Man, Kris so rarely speaks out I had to double check who the poster was!!
Kick it one time, girl!!

She's right, though, that hardly anyone gets married before living together. Dean and I lived together 7 months before we got married. During that time I was a Children's church teacher!! They knew our intention was to get married-although I had to insist on it after awhile- and they knew Dean moved in with me to help financially.

We have to be careful how we deal with people who don't live the way we think they should. I gave some of Jeannie's old things to a teenage mom down the street last year. The dad was nowhere to be seen. Should I have said to myself 'Oh, she had sex before she got married'? No, because perhaps no one showed her Truth. Her mother had a live-in, so that's all she knew.

We need to listen to CrystalCA.

Jackie, the talk is turning to how much you and you husband don't like this girl, and not so much about the ceremony. It boils down to the fact that this is your son's life. Remember that someday there might be grandkids- if your DSS or his wife pick up on these feelings about her you just might end up on the outside looking in.

It might be hard to picture now, but those children will wonder why their grandparents-the Christians- don't like their Mommy.

 

I should learn to keep my trap shut, but here I go again.....

Heidi, I guess it is just a different way of looking at the situations. We told our kids that they could not stay overnight at their aunt's house because she and her boyfriend were living together....but when they decided to marry (and much to do with repentance) we rejoiced, as did my kids, because repentance had brought them to marriage. Now, I will say that I have had problems going to bridal showers after someone has lived together and established a home for years.....but it has more to do with the fact that the bride-to-be should not expect people to provide her with new towels and dishes when she already has a home established. Not that my attitude is right, either...just how it makes me feel.

Jackie, I know you are seeking the Lord's direction and will follow His leading. There is a fine line between showing love and encouragement and crossing over to acceptance of the spirituality behind a ritual. I'm sure you will make the right choices...the Lord is faithful to show you the way when you seek it.

 

I'm sorry, Becky, I didn't realize the conversation had turned to how much we "dislike" this girl. I don't "dislike" her. I don't think she's "right" for DSS, but that's more because BOTH are very immature and not ready to be married. I have expressed that she seems pleasant and friendly when she's with the family, and interacts well with the younger children. And yes, I have expressed some of DH"s conerns.

I strongly disagree with "most" people living together before marriage. I've not seen any statistics supporting that, one way or the other. And besides, "most" people in the South supported slavery. Did that make it right? I base right and wrong on what is Scriptural, not on what "most" people feel is right or wrong. Personally, I would not have a problem attending a wedding where the couple had been living together beforehand. While I do believe that doing so is sin (sorry, Becky, no offense intended!), I would be thrilled that the couple are finally tying the knot and doing the proper thing. At that point, I would feel it better to support their decision to get married. But I also believe forgiveness cannot be truely extended unless there is repentence. How can God forgive a sin which a person choses to continue in, even though they know it's wrong?

The children know that their brother is (probably) getting married on Wednesday. They also know that we won't be going. (We were specifically told that we probably woudln't want to bring the kids, even before he knew we wouldn't be coming.) We have NOT told them anything about the ceremony not being "God-honoring" or "pagan" or anything of the sort. I think they (especially Rachael) are thrilled with the idea that they may be aunts before too long (and no, she is NOT pregnant that we know of, nor do we have reason to believe that's the case! It's just little girls anticipating!) They know that we do not approve of their lifestyle. We have talked before that God sets up rules, but we can always chose to obey or disobey God's rules, just like you can chose to obey or disobey parents' rules. Obedience comes with blessings, disobedience with discipline and confusion.

Brooke, I didn't notice anything harsh in your response. I guess because I'm use to you, and feel I know your heart in such matters. I know you didn't mean to sound condemning, so it didn't come across that way to me.

 

Brooke~
If you thought I'd think you were condemning me and you'd make me mad- you didn't! Actually, I totally agree with what you said! LOL
I, like Jackie, feel like I have read enough of your posts that I know (somewhat) where your heart is. And, I think we're in about the same place!

 

You know ladies.....I don't want to steer this conversation in another direction, but I do need to put out a disclaimer.....I think I'm going through another depression so what I see in my posts seems negative to me. Bare with me...I need to set up an appt. but haven't because we just moved and I don't know any doctors here yet. Guess there's no time like the present, huh?!

 

I don't have any advice on the subject, other than what has already been said. I will be praying for you and your family.

 

Well, DH just talked with my DSS. Yes, they ARE married now. My new DIL (gosh, that's going to take some getting use to!!!) and I discussed the idea of a reception, and she seemed to like the idea. She asked, "What will we have to do?" and I told her "Just show up...." I explained that I felt it would be a way to welcome her into the family. Becky, thank you SO MUCH for coming up with that idea!!! I would never have thought of it on my own!!!

 

I was thinking of how wrong I did my first mother in law when I suggested that.
I wish I had done more to handle that whole thing differently. Plus it's true there will be grandkids sometime. I'd work hard to stay on her good side!!

 

I think we all wish we could do things differently in that area. I know my relationship with my MIL hasn't been the best, and, while a good part is on HER side, not all of it. We went through some tough times at first, but get a long fairly well now, thankfully! Partly because NEITHER of us hold grudges.

 

south

Being that I am from the South I truly don't believe in people living together. I have been to their wedding to celebrate the marriage of the two folks. Just as I have been friends with a few men and ladies couples who is gay. Even people who drink. My husband and I don't and do not want to have our kids around it. On vacation we just made a big decision not to take a wonderful boating trip due to that. There was a pirate cruse and the kids did loads of fun things but they served wine and other drinks. I nicely ask about a non drinking time and I was told No that was in the price of the package. So I nicely told the lady we couldn't attend. That is our choice and it will be respected by the kids in the future no matter if they choose to drink or not. They will remember us for standing our ground and never drinking. As for Becky teaching a class at church while living with someone. Probably wouldn't take place in my county. I know not in my church or any of my close friends churches. Most pastors here wouldn't take kindly to that. I am glad Becky and her husband got married and I am sure it is a wonderful marriage. I know she is doing a great job with her kids. I have seen that here and she also has some real strong ideas on how her daughter will be treated and what she sees and does. As she should and I think God will honor all of that one day. I know I have some ideas that many of you think are crazy but I stand on them and that is the way I am. Just Ask Trisha from SC. LOL One of my bestest of friends.

 

Yo, Lorna- I had to push for that wedding, too. My spouse was very comfortable with things the way they were, but I knew all that was wrong.
I think men are like that for the most part.

LOL. I have to say, though, we were living like siblings. He comes from a cushy background, and once he got a whiff of household bills, rent, etc., romance was out the door completely!! It was a shocker for him, and funny for me to watch!!

 

Well, I was finally able to pin down my DIL about a time for the reception. With everything going on right now, next Saturday was the only time available, and she was suppose to get back with me. They had plans on going camping sometime this month, and she wasn't sure when. We tried to reach them, but they weren't returning our calls. So Sunday I got hold of her, and she said to just go ahead and plan it then (it was getting late, and I needed to get invitations out!!!)

I talked to my MIL yesterday, asking her for a list of family to invite. Sigh...... She gave me a VERY SHORT list, and even then qualified half of them by saying, "They won't come...." One supposed "no show" is an aunt who lives about three hours away. She LOOKS for reasons to come up, but has found it more difficult since her DH passed away. I told MIL that, if I were her, I'd be offended if I didn't get an invitation. I understand the distance, and am fine with her not showing up, but feel that should be HER decision. My FIL has made it clear that he won't go. He feels that it would be giving approval to it. I told my MIL that they must do what their conscience tells them. But I also told her that they ARE legally married and that I felt Carl and I need to keep doors open as much as possible without compromising our beliefs. And that meant supporting and encouraging their marriage to last, with the hope that one day they will BOTH return to their Christian roots. I doubt my preacher BIL will come with his family, not if his mother is against it, though his wife probably would say we were doing the right thing. I'm just afraid no one will show up (my MIL is one of those controlling people!), and my DIL will kind of hold it against me. Well, I may warn her not to expect too much (or better yet, have DH worn his son!) So the next week and a half, we'll be spending more time cleaning house and less time with school. At least I'll have a clean house out of the bargain, right?

 

Send your invitations and if no one comes you'll know who to delete from your christmas list.

Remind them this is a reception, not a religious thing of any sort. It's a time to eat!

It's a shame, because it doesn't seem like these kids are shoving anything down anyone's throat.

Remind them, too, how Jesus treated those we would look down on.

 

Jacike, I have to agree with Becky these kids aren't asking for anything.
You do the best you can, just sent the invites and who comes, comes.
I think the kids will be happy that you did this for them.
I know it's a hard thing to do, but there's alot of going on around the world.
We don't have to like what they do, but we can be there to support them.
They are our children. No matter what descison they make in life we need to be there for them. Even if we don't like it. They are our children. I am sure we all did something in our life our parents didn't like but they are still there for us, even if it's not close they are there and would help if we need it.
You are doing a wonderful job for them and I think they will be very happy.
Have a wonderful time and when you are done cleaning you can come and do mine too. :lol:

 

Jackie, I wouldn't say a thing to your DIL about who might not come. Why put a burden on her when it is THEIR hangup?
Your inlaws sound like a pair of winners, much like my first mother in law. It gags me to hear you say your BIL won't be there if his mother won't. Ugh. It takes me back.
They should take a minute to stop and consider how the DIL behaves toward them.
I wouldn't listen to MIL about who wouldn't come, either, because you might be surprised at who might want to be there!

 

Thanks. We're going ahead with who we have, and if we're the only ones, so be it. I hope she just realizes that we are trying to make her feel accepted by our family. And I told DH last night that I hope I'm not like his mother in some ways!!! (And he knows EXACTLY what I mean and agrees!!!) There are other ways where my MIL is great. For example, my mom is battling cancer. We had called and spoke to my FIL about what was going on for Mother's Day and was told NOTHING! Well, by the time that changed (my MIL also will wait until the last minute sometimes!) I had already arranged for us to go out and spend the day at my parents' and go out to eat with them. So I was trying to see if we could make it at both places. My MIL told me straight out that with my mom's health, I should give her the first priority. "I'm healthy and plan on being around for a long while, and you're not sure how much time you and the kids will get with your mom." That's an attitude I really appreciate. And she's wonderful about taking the kids in a pinch!