HELP!!! Celtic "Hand Binding" Ceremony

Well, it's OVER!!! They just left. My MIL came by herself, leaving FIL at home. DH's brother-the-pastor made it, though he didn't bring his family with him. His wife's grandparents had come in from out of town, and she and the kids were with them. DH's sister made it for a while (again without spouse and kids, but her spouse goes out of his way to get out of EVERYTHING!) DH's other brother had to work. We invited three aunts...two were out of town, and one wasn't feeling good. And believe me, these were NOT excuses on their part!

So it was small, but friendly. My other stepson had just got out of jail this morning (driving conviction, and then he didn't bother showing up at court, and it finally caught up with him!), so DH picked him up at the jail and brought him up. His girlfriend came by then and stayed, and they were the ones that just pulled out with the newlyweds. Her name has been legally changed now. My DSS told me he wanted a copy of the invitation. I gave it to them, and she was so thrilled to see her it listed her "new" name. So I think over all it went well, and hopefully fostered well-being all around. Thank you so much for the suggestion! I really appreciate you guys!

If anyone wants to come for a visit, NOW is the time to do it! MY HOUSE IS VERY CLEAN!!!! :lol:

 

So glad to hear that it went well and that you are building good relations with your D-I-L. I think it says alot about her, and their marriage, that she is excited to see her married name on something "official". Her heart sounds tender.

And congrats on the clean house! :wink:

 

As a Christian, I just can't even wrap my mind around the idea of NOT going to a wedding only because the couple lived together first. Or NOT going to a baby shower of a woman who is not married!!! It sickens me to think that there are people around who are so.... so.... well, unloving!!!!!

1. If you attend the wedding of a couple who lived together first, you are not supporting their sin. You are supporting their choice to no longer live in sin! It would be counter productive to skip out. No wonder the world thinks we're an aweful bunch of people. That's a very hateful thing to do.

2. An unmarried mother needs all the support she can get! Shunning her because she is not married is also counter productive! How can she possibly feel like God will forgive her if the Christians around her turn their backs on her?!

Seriously, this is one of the most horrible threads I've read in quite some time. It really infuriates me. Reading something like this makes me all too aware of why so many non-Christians have no use for Christianity. I wouldn't either if I thought the God I served would treat me like His followers do.


(BTW, Jackie, this was not directed at you. I understand that your problem was with participating in a "pagan" ceremony. I have to qualms about that, at all. Though, for the record, a handfasting is not a pagan rite. Not saying your DSS didn't turn it in to one, just that a couple who does a handfasting is not automatically doing something pagan.)

 

I struggled with this sort of issue also...but my dd and her husband are/were Christians so I was able to at least say "you both know this is a wrong situation." their response was that they knelt and prayed and "handfasted" before God. That in thier eyes they WERE married, but didn't go through the civil ceremony for the Government because of finiancial concerns. (loans, grants, health insurance) I think it was a bit of a cop out.
So for us the Celtic handfasting wasn't pagan. ??
We didn't let them sleep together in our home (so of course, they stayed with his parents when they visited) and we didn't let the other children visit them overnight.
We did however pay for the wedding...when that happened. and we participated. ?? not sure if it was "right" or not.
I think, if your ds and his wife are not Christian, then you cannot hold them to the same standards. I don't think that going to the ceremony is wrong. I don't think that not going is wrong....I think the reception is a great idea!!
I haven't decided what to think or do about wedding ceremonies that aren't "quite right" I mean, do you not go to a wedding between a Christian and a non-believer?
I think that the government should offer civil contracts.
and the Church should marry.
And look to my signature for what I believe otherwise. lol.

 

I really don't think this was an ugly thread at all...so new Jackie...buck up and quit whining...it is a conversation among friends. so there.

I do think that being a peculiar people can be isolating...and I do see the point of intolerance being a closed door rather than an open door, and I saw the door as closed for this reason for many years. I also feel that you do have to be careful of what you "support". however, let us remember who Jesus ate with...Sinners and Tax Collectors. It was one of the religious powers that be arguement against Him.

I think that Jackie did the right thing, and it seems that her dss understands and hopefully you can make your ddil the best dil ever by assuming that she is already. I have a great mil and mainly she loves me because I love her son...but it works.

The other advice I have as a mil is, you really don't get to pick...(wrong country, wrong century) so it is WAY better to smile and keep your mouth shut than ruin a relationship that is important to you. I stop my dd when she starts to complain about her dh...I just tell her...whatever the problem is I am probably on your side; just don't tell me about it, cuz you will forgive him and I will be stuck with the bitterness.

 

I totally missed this! I've been dealing with some of my own stuff.

Jackie: I think you handled it beautifully and in a very God honoring way. Becky had an awesome suggestion and I think that has and will make all the difference.

I don't find this thread ugly. I think the reason people don't attend certain weddings or showers is not saying they think they are better or those people are going to hell or anything like that. I think that most who feel that way are just trying to abide by God's laws. We are told not to engage in sin..not to tolerate sin...not to be of the world...not to participate in things that do not honor God...and so on. I think most are trying to reconcile those teachings with things that occur in this world. It often makes for intolerant or seemingly intolerant and unloving Christians. For instance, I would never attend a gay wedding, a satanic (if there is one) wedding, a witches wedding or a wedding that was against my beliefs. However, I would gladly attend a wedding where two people love each other regardless of their previous living situation or their eternal status..lol. We are supposed to be beacons of light. We cannot love those we do not spend time with or invest in. It's a fine line....and one many have trouble seeing or drawing. Please try and understand that many of these Christians (not all) are just trying to please the Lord. Maybe they are misguided or wrong...but their focus is on the Lord as it should be. That does NOT mean they will always make the right decisions.

I, at one time, didn't go to a wedding because the bride and groom already had a child. I didn't want to attend my sil's baby shower because she was pregnant and NOT married.

To the first: I feel I was wrong. I missed an opportunity to witness or be a good friend. Yet, the bride turned out to be my best friend and a woman who LOVES the Lord and follows his Law...yet without forgetting her past so she is compassionate. I look up to her and she even mentored me through a 2 person bible study.

To the second: I was so happy I went. My sil told me what it meant to her that I attended...or that anyone attended. It made her feel loved. That is what I should do...make others feel loved. She did not see it as me faltering on my beliefs. She saw it as me being kind, compassionate, forgiving, and loving.

I think we need to pray over things and listen to what the Lord tells us. There are times we should NOT attend events and times we should. Just follow the Lord...through his Word yet not slaving to the law...we are free from the law. We live in the age of grace...the church age. There are plenty of things I would not attend...and things I do not watch and so forth....but that is not because I see myself as better. It is because I am trying to be pleasing to my Lord. Yet, we need to follow his example...He ate with sinners yet did NOT sin.

That is NOT directed at you Jackie. I think you found a great balance in staying true to your convictions and beliefs while welcoming in this girl. You made a great impact, I am sure.

 

I have to agree with Amie, on this one. We need to be there to support them and help them not turn our backs on them. How are they going to learn if we don't help them.
I still can't believe no one would go to there childs wedding because of this. What if they married someone a different color, different reglion, no hands, no arms. I am lost on this one can you tell I see no different. We all believe differently and we all were made differently. We need to be there to support each other. I have tons of christian friends and tons of non christian friends and do something with them all. I go to there weddings, baby showers. I don't ask them question if I am invited and can go and they are family or like them I go. I am not here to judge them, its not my place. But, I am here to support them and help them the best I can.

 

I married outside of my race and had to face this issue. Many did not agree with it, even my parents. As it all turned out...I didn't have a wedding. We got married in a courthouse...by a preacher...lol...wasn't even sure if it was legal at first but we got certificate. The preachers were just standing around asking if couples wanted a Reverend to marry them for a certain amount. We said yes...LOL. We had one friend with us. It was so bizarre.

Anyway...I am not sure at what point I would not attend a marriage ceremony for my kids. I do know if my child married a witch, satanist, or a person of the same sex, I would NOT attend. I just couldn't do it. I could not support that...and frankly I think it would be unfair to ask me to do so.

 

Ladies, I hate to disapoint you, but this issue is six years old! For what it's worth, my dss's marriage didn't last six months. AND, while we didn't attend, we DID have an open house for family and friends at our house after the fact. So that's my final word on it, I'm amazed that you all are fussing about something that is SO over and done with!!! I've not bothered reading all the responses; just started reading part of Jackilyn's but didn't finish it, and part of Ava's response. And to be quite honest, it's so over and done with that I really don't care. Jackilyn, why do you feel you have to dredge up a post so old, one that is almost certain to cause controversy, for your first post? Just wondering.....

 

SO WEIRD! I didn't even check the date! I just responded because of all the new responses and figured it was new! LOL. So sorry. I never would have responded at all had I realized it was so old. I sure hope I didn't say anything offensive to you Jackie...I never want that. At any rate....how funny...I am certain that most of the new responses didn't realize how old the post was. How strange! Anyway...sorry...again...would not have responded if I knew how old it was.