Thank you. It was smacking but not on the tushie or hand and it wasn't controlled, it was angry and so was the yelling. I called a helpline and they helped me realise the underlying feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and understand that these are the cause of the symptom (anger). My plunket nurse was here yesterday for Erik's check up and she asked about the homeschooling and how Loralei and I are getting along. She's known Loralei most of her life and knows all the details of how Loralei is and how difficult I find her. It was so nice to talk face to face with someone who knows the history of the situation. We talked about how I can't leave her alone with Erik and Anaia (even for a minute) because she is so malicious towards younger children, especially if they can't talk yet. We talked about how Loralei hates herself and wishes she wasn't alive. We talked about Loralei wanting her daddy to shoot mama dead with his gun. She encouraged me to continue homeschooling for all the reasons you gave Linda. We're waiting to hear back about the assessment appointment for Loralei. For so long I've been told I'm a bad mum who can't control her own child, in a way it'll be a relief if she is diagnosed with something. Anaia is very loving and tender and affectionate (and very energetic but all two year olds are). She's helpting restore my confidence in myself as a parent. Erik is settling down into a routine and doesn't need me as a human pacifier so much. He's lovely and snuggly and his head smells really nice (you know that sweet newborn smell ).
Sounds like a plan. My best to you and your family. Pray for the therapist/counselor, that they will have appropriate insight for you.
I never thought making a list and showing it to our doctor would get such a response. The assessment team will have family therapists, occupational therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists, nurses, social workers and other professionals. I'm looking forward to the appointment, whatever the outcome. I've felt lost and stuck for so long, it'll be wonderful to get fresh insight and help navigating a path forward. After years of believing I was just a bad mum, I now have hope. Today has been tough. Loralei's symptoms have been extreme all day, Anaia is unwell and clingy, and Erik is having a growth spurt, so my personal resources are running low. It's just a phase, it'll pass, I'll be ok.
I hope they have the insight you need. I'm sorry if I'm a little leery, but sometimes multidisciplinary teams like this aren't particularly supportive of a Christian worldview, kwim? Take everything they say with a grain of salt, weigh it and pray about it - and if God leads you - follow the advice.
I'm leery about that too. Today we met with an intern child psychologist who asked some questions and took some notes and talked about parenting courses and mentioned there may be a person in our town who can help us. He's going to talk to the rest of the team and get back to us in a day or two. I'm kind of disappointed that the rest of the team has to work with second hand information, especially because he seemed focused on just a couple of areas. But I'm glad that it's another step along this journey. Our plunket nurse has aspie children with ADHD and dyslexia and she has offered to send a referal to their doctor, Dr Hunter. Loralei's best friend is aspie and his mum thinks "their similarities are freakish" and has suggested I get an appointment with his doctor... Dr Hunter, coincidentally. And an acquaintance has commented on similarities between her aspie daughter and Loralei and suggested I get it checked out. I don't know what to think or how to feel about that, except that weirds me out that three people, who don't know each other, suggested the same thing
If it turns out she is aspie, now you have some company along the trail, right? While there's as much difference among aspies as there are among the general population, maybe there are enough similarities that you will have someone handy who has BTDT. (What's a plunket nurse?)
http://www.kiwifamilies.co.nz/articles/plunket-nurse/ At this stage I'd just like to get through one day without hair-trigger tantrums that can last up to two hours and include hitting and kicking furniture, throwing things, screwing up or ripping up artwork, breaking ‘failed’ projects, pulling her own hair, hitting and scratching herself, coughing fits and vomiting. Another dream come true would be to be able to leave her alone with younger children without her hurting them. We're getting help and support, it's gonna get better.
Well Loralei doesn't meet the criterion for that agency so we've been referred onto a different agency and are waiting for an appointment. They've also arranged for us to go to a 14 week parenting course next February.
I hope that you will get to meet with a psychiatrist, instead of just psychologist. I would want to investigate the potential of medical intervention. If someone is diabetic for example, parenting classes, and nutritional courses will not help, unless you know what you are dealing with and adjust the diet accordingly adn or add insulin or metformin. If someone potentially has a brain chemistry imbalance it would be nice to know the medical options. Imagine for exmaple treating a parkinsons patient with parenting courses.
I haven't posted on this thread until now, but wanted to let you know I am praying for your situation.
Thank you Just received the type up from the assessment. Long story short, she didn't present with anything "beyond the realms of normal childhood development". We just need to provide "adequate parental supervision" and get support from previously mentioned agency and parenting programme. So I have it in writing that she's challenging but normal and my DH (and hopefully my mum) will finally take part in a parenting course and hopefully we all end up on the same page, presenting a united front and supporting each other instead of undermining each other. DH isn't happy though, he's gone silent. Before we married he promised to go to parenting courses with me. I've been, he hasn't, now he has to. I just read through the entire thread. You've all been so wonderfully positive and supportive the entire time and I just want to say a colossal big thank you to everyone for your encouragement, advice and prayers throughout. It means a lot to me because I don't get much in real life. Thank you.
Glad you got a report of Normal. It means that the adults have some work to do, but as a parent, that would be the best thing to hear. What a blessing. I am sure you guys can pull it together and work it all out. Identifying the triggers, do's, don'ts etc etc etc. with the help of a third party,(parenting course info for example) can help get it worked out with out it feeling like critizism from another family member.
We've been passed to a third agency and met with them. I liked this one because they asked that Loralei not be at the first couple of meetings so she wouldn't hear us talking about her. They also looked at our personal situation; that we're a blended family (DH is her step-dad), that I've worked in a variety of early childhood settings and been to parenting courses and brain development seminars, etc. She asked about what a good week and a bad week look like, she commented that even the good week is high end. Apart from parenting programs, we'll be getting individualised help to fine tune various parenting stratergies to work for our family. If we want they'll even come into our home to witness the dynamics first hand. Also they'll refer us to a pediatrician or other specialist if wanted/needed. At one point she insinuated that putting Loralei in ps could be beneficial in that I wouldn't be so over-loaded. I said in I believe in our situation ps would cause way more stress that hs. She's given me homework and we meet again next Monday.
I'm glad you're happy with them, and that they seem to have asked all the right and pertinent questions. This sounds like a plan you could live with!
I just wanted to add something that I hope helps. We all start parenting without a lot of knowledge on how to deal with all the different types of people our children can be. There are so many variables that come with each child: genetics, environment, baggage that the parents have from their childhoods, and the free will of the child, that it can be overwhelming. You are obviously a loving parent. You want a good relationship with your daughter. Keep that in mind. It wouldn't bother you if you weren't a caring parent. You have hit some bumps in the road, but I doubt if they will last long term. It may be a hard road to climb, but worth it in the end. I am similar to you. I don't "play" well with kids all the time. I think it is because I don't relax well or I feel silly. I am getting better at it. I just wish I had been better when my son was younger (he is 17). Don't get me wrong, we had some really fun times, just not as often as we should have.
Thank you. Monday's meeting went well and S got to meet DH and hear things from his point of view. We're currently doing Triple P - Positive Parenting Program. We meet once a fortnight and learn how to tackle one behaviour we want to change and we focus our efforts on that one behaviour until the next meeting. DD's behaviours have been placed in the moderate to severe range. Many of her behaviours are similar to a toddler or preschooler (but more extreme). S feels that her behaviours may stem from the loss of her main male role model (my father died) when she was 17 months old, and the loss of her hearing and speech from age 2 years old to 3.5 years old, and language delays until 5-6 years old. DH has been wonderful in supporting me and backing me up. He spent a day being me, sans work and breastfeeding of course, and found out how crazy busy my days are. So he has been helping me without being asked and without muttering under his breath.
