We went out for lunch. The girls are at camp, and my mil suggested Phillip go over there after Bible School this morning to play with his cousins. And (since I turn the big Five-Oh today) Carl and I had a very nice lunch at a very nice restaurant. We had $35 in gift cards, and figured we might be able to keep it to around that for lunch; dinner would be at least double that amount. And we came close! We use to make a point to connect while the kids were at AWANAS, but this past year couldn't because I had to go with Faythe during that time. Another thng, he and I always go to bed TOGETHER (unless one of us is sick!). We'll lay in bed and cuddle a little and talk a bit before one of us (usually me) turns over and goes to sleep. It really helps us to end the day on the same page! We also shower together on a regular basis (after the kids have gone to bed).
We usually end up talking about the LO but only after we've talked about everything else.... I only say this because it is important to talk about the kids after you talk about something else. You are surrounded by kids 24/7. Enjoy the adult conversation about the news or work or movies etc. I've learned that if I don't bombard my husband when he first gets home he has time to talk about his day and unwind. Which is important if he is more relaxed and not constantly thinking about what he will say when it is his turn. Specially when the day wasn't very good and he really needs to get it off his chest. After his 15 min of work talk he is more then happy to hear what I have to say and I like talkin got him better because he's more unwound. Jackie we also have couples showers in this house. It is a great way to spend time together, we usually only get to do it if LO is asleep, if she is awake it turns into family shower. Even if we tell her no she will get undressed in the bathroom, open the door and climb in...Actually she doesn't care who is in the shower, she thinks if the shower is running it is for her....lol
Wow, Jackie I am so glad I can't read well... I am still learning, shower together hmmmmmmmmm kids sleeping, hmmmmmmmmm thick walls I hope or sound sleepers. both would be wonderful. LOL just giving you a hard time girl... Sommer have fun tonight..
Actually, Kris, Rachael's bed use to be on the other side of that wall, and we found out (quite by accident) that she could hear us, lol!!! (She's always getting disgusted with our "behavior"; Carl and I will do or say something just to get a response from her sometimes!) Note, btw, I say "use to be"! She now has been moved across the hall into a different room, lol!
DH and I went through about six years of marriage when life just kept throwing things at us left and right. We never had time to breath before something else went wrong. Some big, some little but never a moments break. I was just surviving each day and DH was grinding his teeth at night. In the midst of these trials I got to thinking about DH. He was trying. Remember it's harder to try when you are depressed and down about things. There are times in my life when in the world's eyes I was completely at fault and needed to get with it but the hardest thing was to get the motivation, to get out of the depression. I would get up in the morning determined to try and one thing after another would go wrong. These times happen to everyone. When I looked at my husband and saw him as a human not there it meet my needs and hold up his end of the bargain but someone who was trying his best in the midst of tough times then I loved him. It wasn't the infatuation type of love but the real deal. He was mine and I was going to take care of him. It has been reciprocated a thousand fold I assure you. When my perspective of him changed, my love towards him changed. If there is anything a good marriage needs it's the knowledge that the couple is a team. That it's them against anything life throws at them. That if one falls another will pick them up. That a spouse is there until the end and not just physically but mentally and spiritually also. I don't know if that is what you are looking for or not but thought I'd share my experience. I sometimes wonder if every marriage must experience this at some time to know what true love is or at least that yes their spouse does really love them not just what they do for them.
Lol, Patty! It is rare that anything other than sleep happens after we shower! Usually because we wait until the kids are asleep, and by then we're too exhausted for either of us to be physically capable of anything BUT sleep!
Isn't that the truth!!!!:lol: Usually we do not do anything at night. Once Handsome's head hit the pillow, he is snoring! He even says, "Can we do it before it gets too late because then I am tired."
It is usually where we spend our time talking about the grocery list, weekend plans, and what's for lunch (DH works 2nd so our shower is usually mid day and since we don't have A/C usually late night)
Showering together is nice. We get to do it in the mornings while getting ready for the day- sometimes- once every few weeks. It isn't sexual but it is a chance for us to talk and just be together before the crazies of the day.
We never get to shower together - our shower is too darn small. We like to stay in bed late together on Saturday mornings (kids always want to know later why the door was locked) and then fix breakfast together for the family. We also love to spend an hour together each evening sitting out on the back porch. We have cocktails, unwind and talk about our day or the upcoming weekend.
You could choose to be his midlife crises... wear the red outfit, say the things that he would like to hear... what are some other ideas?
I would have your hormone levels checked by a woman's specialist. I had mine checked and I had almost 0 testosterone= no drive and no ambition for anything. You may just have a hormonal imbalance. I am now on bioidentical hormones and the situation has improved.
Oh yeah! Put on something sexy and lacey and well.....skany! toss in some sky high stilleto heels and suprise him like he has never been suprised before!
LOL!!! He must be Carl's long-lost brother!!! He says we MUST be IN BED by ten o'clock. So I'll try hard to do that to accomodate him, and he's STILL out (or he's busy playing on the computer and then complains that *I* can't get to bed any earlier :roll:!)
You all are so fantastic. I find it kinda funny and sad that they friends I can talk to about this are people I have never met face to face. Thank you for all your advice. Frogger is right we have had a lot of just stuff crowding in on us. I love the idea of us time but we have to wait until the weekend because I work nights. So he is asleep when I get home and I am just waking up as he is leaving. I have been working on my perspective but somedays it just seems to not be doing anything. I know he is stressed about the work thing. He doesn't have a problem with me working but he feels he should be doing more. There also seems to be a big seperating/ divorce bug going around here and he seems terrified that I am going to catch it. I keep telling him that the thought has never crossed my mind, but there are some things he is very insecure about. I owe that to his mother.(a long story) I have been trying some of the things you have suggested. I will renew my efforts because my family is worth it. On a side note, when we do get time together, actually have day where we can just talk and take it easy things are wonderful. I just need to find a way of making more of those happen. Oh gwenny99 thanks for the link I will have to read more of that. Maybe I will get some fresh ideas from you. I am so glad you are all so understanding. I keep telling myself you don't get steel without fire. The strongest things are all tempered somehow.
My DH had a big problem with me working. He has that 1950's idea of a wife and children should be taken care of by the man of the house. Unfortunately when they cut his hours from 60 a week to 35 a week I had to get a job. I stuff papers and he still takes over and does most of them. He says it makes him feel like he is providing. We went through a rough patch right after DD was born. We had dated for seven years on and off, we lived in different counties and were in highschool. However no one ever warns you that dating is nothing like marriage....lol. It was a big adjustment in two years we managed to move out on our own, get pregnant, get married, have a baby, buy a house. It was alot of changes and took a while to get back to normal. Try your hardest to make it work and ride it out. It will pass and things will be normal again. GL
Could you get up early once or twice a week and sit down to breakfast with him? Assuming the kids are still in bed, it might give you a little time together. Even just once a week might help. Sounds, too, that he needs lots of reassurance. Keep telling him what a great husband and father he is. I do this a lot with Carl, because he was divorced from his first wife and I felt he needed to know that he was doing fine the second time around. It just sounds as if he needs to know from you that you do NOT consider divorce an option, and he has nothing to worry about in that area. And the next time you get a day off, send the kids to a friend and take a shower together!!! LOL!!!
We LOVE showers together when we get time. I will get up early. I will have to work on him though but I think he could do one day a week. Thanks. Yea I told him when we got married that divorce was not an option, unless there is abuse or something very bad going on I consider it a cowards way out. You become stronger by working through your problems. I know we will get through this. It just seems as if it is a longer trial than the ones we have had in the past.
