Do your children seem to have friends of one race or another?

We live near Atlanta, which is highly multicultural and interracial marriages are common. In addition, I shop at health food and world market grocery stores, so my daughter has always seen a great variety of peoples. We do not even use the terms black or white in our home, even though most people tell me they are fine with being described as black, but I did not think our daughter needed to see people in terms of their skin tones when she was younger. My daughter asked me, when she was about 4yo, why some people had darker skin and I simply said that God likes variety. Actually, she is far more interested in different languages she hears spoken and trying to learn them.

Now that she is older and more sensitive to what is polite, I don't mind her describing people with their skin tone or possible nationality included. Lately, my daughter has been enamored with anything about India so she asks me about others who looked like they could be of Indian descent, but she never really talked about skin tones much at all until recently (she's nine now) when she told me that she likes darker-skinned people. I think this is probably because she tans easily herself (like her father and so unlike me). She just talks and plays with anyone of any skin tone.

 

Cricutmaster, I have one question: Why do you use the term "African-American" for one and "white" for another? Where I live most people seem to be comfortable with the term "black" when they use "white," but I have always found it odd that the same people who make a point to use the term "African-American" do not usually use terms like "Swedish-American" or "European-American" or even just "Caucasian." I have always wondered about that.

 

I think, too, is the example set by the parents. If all of our friends are the same race as us, the kids pick up on that subconciously. But if our friends are diverse, so will theirs. After all, if we have diverse friends, then it would stand to reason that their children would be around our children a lot.

 

I think the problem with that statement isn't the fact that "black man" was used, it was the fact that the person wouldn't answer the door because of the person being of a different skin color. As with anything, the intention of something is what may make it right/wrong.

As with what Seekingmylord said, around here people most often use the terms black or white as well. Actually a friend of mine who is black perfers to be described as black, not african american. He says he wasn't born in africa, so he doesn't want to be called that. Interesting how different areas of the world are. :love:

 

I don't consider myself an Italian-American. Yes, my g'pa came from Italy, but he was an American citizen, as was my dad and myself. So I can't see why an African-American wouldn't feel the same way. Sure, if they were newly immigrated to the United States, but not if they were third, fourth, fifth generation Americans.

 

Seeking
I probably did it because the post I was responding to had used African-American and because I was being lazy. I actually had black and white before I edited it. I just forgot to change it white to Caucasian . I personally don’t mind saying “black” and “white” and sometimes I use Caucasian and African-American . I don’t care either way. Didn’t mean to offend anyone.

OK

Now If you really want me to answer that I will, but I apologize in advance if I offend anyone. Truthfully some black people are sensitive. If you are white you have to be careful what you say around some black people. As a black person, talking to another black person, I know that depending on who I am talking with and where I am I can use just about any term I want to refer to a black person. I don’t but I can. DH cannot. When he is around some of my friends or talking to the neighbors and he has to refer to a person of color he will say African-American. When he is around me he says black. Most white people don’t get offended by being called white by a black person or anyone. I call DH a big ol county white boy all the time
(because he is). I tease him about being a redneck even though he’s not. However, some black people take offense to being called black. Dh just told me it’s because he is scared sometimes. He doesn’t know who will get offended and who will not so he is “PC” when he is around strangers.

Also, to a black person white is white. It doesn’t matter if you are Irish, Swedish, German to a black person you are white. It is the opposite of black. Now if I were to meet a Black Irish or Black Swedish person, they would be black to me. A lot of black people think that white people feel the same way. If there is a person that is half white with Irish parents and half black with an African parent, but there skin is darker, some white people will say they are black, but a black person will say they are mixed. We will say he’s not black, he’s half Irish and half black. Even though by law he is black. (well it used to be that way anyway) I have a friend who Is half black and half white. She looks mixed but she is very light. She has long straight hair. People think she’s white because she doesn’t look black.

 

And I said some white people not all white people.

 

My husband is black and he has no preference...as long as it's not insulting...LOL. I think many black people didn't like the term "black"....so they opted for African American. I don't mind being called white. but many think of black as a negative term. I think that we need to not read into terms so much. If I say, "black" and I am not trying to be offensive then there is no reason to get your feathers ruffled, ya know?

I knew someone who was afraid of black people. She grew up in a neighborhood of all whites. The ONLY and I am NOT exaggerating..the ONLY image she had of black people was what she saw on tv. Seriously, if I were black, I would never play a criminal on tv. lol.

When I went to high school...my school was mixed. HOwever, a kid came in from another school where everyone was white and was a bit afraid to be in my school. Were his fears unmerited? no. We had fights just about everyday and cops coming to school to drive through the parking lots all the time. My school was in the city. It was not about race...although it got attributed to it..it was socioeconomics.

Race issues will never go away. I think there are plenty of racists who claim not to be. I think more people than not have misconceptions and preconceptions about race or appearance.

 

Jackie,
I think the fact that when the police came, She told them the those black boys were running towards her and were going to rob her.That kind of gave it away. LOL. sorry I should have mentioned that part. I am just happy there were witnesses and the store camera in the parking lot.

 

Yes Ava! You said what I was trying to say.
Thank you.

 

Lol, nad to a white person, black is black! We see the differences between the different nationalities, but not between different black people from different countries. And if a black person speaks with an accent, I will consider that black person African (or Jamaican or whatever) rather than "black".

Your husband is right. There's things he can say to you or to black friends and get away with that he could NEVER say to casual friends. That's because you know his heart, and know how he means it. We all must be careful in speaking to others; and again, it has nothing to do with race. I can offend a white person as easily as I can a black one.

 

Not responding to this quote in particular...I just wanted to say that I totally get what you are saying. Honestly, unless you spend a ton of time with those of another race or married to someone of another race...you may not completely understand. It is no where near as crazy as it sounds...but there are definite "rules". Just like with any social issues or social graces.

No matter how much anyone argues that racism does not exist or it is better...no matter how much you claim blacks are being too sensitive or that maybe nothing was meant by the lady who held tighter to her purse...or whatever...racism exists. To non racist white people..they hardly see it. They think blacks are playing the race card or being sensitive. Sure...sometimes that is the case. However, sadly, many times it is not. Because I am white, many whites feel comfortable expressing things like, "I've been working security for a long time and more blacks steal than anyone." Why say that? I worked retail...more stealing is done by employees than anyone else. Or they say dumb jokes...that have a racist flair. Or they say, "these two black guys came into the store and I was scared." Scared of what?

My mom would always argue that Obama is bi-racial so why is he called the first black president...why did all the press focus on him being black. She thought it disrespectful to his white mother who raised him.

What did I think? I think that according to most whites if someone is 1/2 black they are black. I think that my kids are considered not white. I think that white people who want their children to marry white people would disapprove of their child dating one of my kids. So to me...Obama is just fine being considered black. It used to be that if you had on drop of black blood you were black. Is it still that way? Maybe not technically...but in society it is. I would have thought differently before having bi-racial kids. I think having bi-racial kids opens up a whole new ball game. People question my kids' race...they question if my husband is their father, if their cousins, aunts and grandparents are theirs by blood because my kids are very light skinned. Because two are slightly darker...their race is always questioned as well..and who they belong to. I was at the store with my two younger girls. They look NOTHING alike. One is very light with red hair and the other is hispanic or darker Italian...more Arab colored..lol...with dark hair and dark eyes. Even their hair is different in texture. Someone asked me if both were mine. I was NOT offended..I am aware that my girls look completely different. But it happens..and it will happen over and over again.

I told my mother that since white society set it up that if you are part black you are all black then good for Obama being the first black president. I am not saying that with ANY ill feelings. I really could care less about race issues. I take people as they come...as they present themselves based on character.

Please note my tone is one of "just talking over tea"...I have no hard feelings. I am just bringing up other points.

 

Isn't it the intent behind the term? When my wife was in Liberia, the children would point at her and others in the team and shout "white ma', white ma'", but no one took offense. Even the ethnically Chinese couple on the team were referred to as "white", and they jokingly corrected the adults that they are "yellow". Most people understand when a term is used innocently versus in a derogatory manner.

A few years ago, the Economist magazine had an article about the splintering of America and the phenomenon of hyphenation. In their view, no one is just an American any more: We're African-American, Asian-American, Italian-American, or some other hyphenated American. More and more, we congregate behind our hyphen. I'm not sure whether I agree with this, but it was an interesting point.

 

I do think intent has everything to do with it. I didn't get upset when a kid on the street asked me if Olivia's dad was Olivia's dad...due to the difference in skin tone. I also didn't get all up in arms when my neighbor kid said that her mom didn't buy a house because the current owners were black. Kids say things. Pretty sad about my neighbor kid with the racist parent...but that is going to happen.

Now, I do get upset by racism...it's wrong and unnecessary. The whole thing makes me sick. When I had a lady at the store ask me if both kids I had with me were mine, I did not get upset. My younger two look nothing alike...one is VERY light with red hair and the other is tan with dark brown hair and eyes..she almost looks Arab. The lady was complementing the children and just asked a question. Now, the woman that stood with her "too good for anyone" smirk and asked rudely if my husband was my dd's father...that ticked me off. Did I ask her if those were her real boobs? I was also ticked off when a man working for H&R block implied my husband and I were uneducated. I truly believe that was a race issue because I saw him with another couple and he was charming as could be. yet, when he was mentioning tax deductions and I said, "oh I should look into that but...." He interrupted with, "I am talking about HIGHER education." So yes, intent is everything.

The whole hyphen thing to me is silly. However, it was in response to rude and offensive terms being used by those who intended harm and those who did not. I don't agree with it...think it's all silly as I said..but many find it has merit. I know I would not want someone to call my kids mutts, zebras, oreos, or anything other creative term for bi-racial (black/white) people. yet, everyone knows those are negative terms. However, not everyone knows that mixed and mulatto are negative terms also. Personally, I did not know that "mixed" was a bad term...but I was told it was. So, I think many started a new tend to call themselves something without any connotation to it.

This whole thing is complicated. However, it won't go away or get any better.

 

I met my former boyfriend at a restaurant once. He was in town with his toddler daughter; his wife wasn't with him. He and I had dated off-and-on for over 14 years, and he wanted to show off his little girl. The waitress came up, and asked if the chld was ours, since we were both darker and she was blond. He explained that she wasn't mine. I would have loved to have said, "Oh, no! We just picked her up at the mall...."

 

LOL!! I get the same thing at the grocery store when I take Sam, Grace and N (the little girl I sit for). I have seriously had the check out lady ask me "are they all yours?" I want to say "oh no! The older one is mine, the other two I just found on ailse 7 and decided to take them home".:shock:

 

Yes Ava, girl you are right on the money.

I don't really care about race either. I am perfectly comfortable with DH and his immediate family, but then again I grew up in a very mixed neighborhood that consisted of middle and upper class Black and white people. I went to a private school that was only 2% black. I have always had more white friends than black. I have never been to the “hood” and quite frankly I would probably be scared to death to go there. My parents worked very hard to keep my brother in I in a good neighborhood and in good schools. My friends joke with me all the time. They say we always knew you would end up with a white guy. When they met him they weren’t surprised at all. But I would have dated anyone with goals in life and that was nice to me.


As for Obama, When I look at a Obama, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. He is an educated man that happens to be bi-racial. So what! He speaks just like all the other black people I know. Who was that who said he doesn’t have a “Negro dialect” what does that mean,? What is a “Negro dialect” Obama reminds me so much of DS’s father (God rest his soul) but he is just a normal educated guy. Now my mom lives in a not so great neighborhood. During Obama’s election, there was a man selling Obama tee’s, he cursed me out because I told him at present I’m not an Obama supporter. He said that I should be ashamed of myself and that I should vote for him on general principle alone because he is black. NO! I am not voting for someone just because they are black. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard.


I do think that some black people are sensitive though. Really I do. I am just not one. One day I was sitting at DH's house listing to his family talk about West Virginia times and some of the things people in WV were saying about Obama and they thought that may offended me. Not at all. They were surprised but I don’t get offended very easily when it comes to race. I just don’t have time for all that.

Ava
I did know that "mixed" was an offensive term but I knew "mulatto" was. No offense to anyone, I don't say any of these words, but DH said that calling a white person a "Honky or a Cracker" was not offensive but black people think it is. Is it? DH thinks it's funny.

 

Me, too! I can stick my foot in my mouth just as far and as easily no matter who I'm around! I'm an equal-opportunity offender!!! LOL! (jk) Kinda like Don Rickles, only he gets paid for it!

 

I thought honky and cracker were supposed to be negative. But...I only heard those used on Archie Bunker! LOL.

I didn't think anything of "mixed"..but I had more than one person tell me that it was negative.

I think people in general can be sensitive.

Oh and I thought it was HYSTERICAL that everyone thought my husband would vote Obama simply because of race!

 

I am so very definitely WASP - white Anglo-Saxon Protestant down to the marrow and my DNA, in color, ancestry, and upbringing. There are some things - even at my age - that I'm still trying to figure out.

My dad could have given lessons in racism to Archie Bunker, okay? But I've never understood why it was that "this person" was considered better than "that person" solely based on the color of their skin. My dad was also prejudiced against anybody of any color but white and also against those he considered "white trash" (poor and uneducated - even if they were smart and had a college degree, if their family was "trash", they were still "trash" to him.) He also didn't like gays/lesbians, was distrustful of Catholics (he almost had a cow when JFK was elected), or whole other lists too long and numerous to mention.

Our school wasn't considered "integrated" until 1968, when the first black students were enrolled. To us, it wasn't that big a deal. There had always been Indians/NativeAmericans/tribal people enrolled in our school, so what was the big deal about some kids with darker skin than ours? We had no trouble.

I've never understood about racial or cultural ephithets - I understand where the N word came from, as a corruption of the classification of Negro, as compared with Caucasian or Mongoloid, which were identified as "the three races". But I've never understood honky or cracker, or dago, kike, spik, or any of the other racial/cultural bad names to call people. I kind of understand "ofay" as pig-latin for "foe". I've never used any of these words. Redneck I understand - when you're white, and you work out in the sun, doing stoop labor, the back of your neck gets reddened by the sun - although that's not where it came from. It was used in Appalachia to describe the uneducated white laborers building the railroad, due to the red bandanas they wore around their necks. To the railroad company bigwigs, they were just barely a half-step above the blacks who were equally uneducated and also worked the same kinds of jobs. Thereby setting up an enmity based on race or color and lack of education that has continued to this day.

As far as that goes, I'm not really white, I'm more pink. My student isn't black, he's actually brown, but if you say brown for him, what do you call the migrant farm workers who live down the street? My other student isn't really white either, but more tanned because he's outdoors a lot. I've found that most of the Asians I've known weren't really yellow either but more of a tan or even khaki, and most of the tribals aren't red but more of a coppery brown. I've had "black" friends who were actually lighter in color than I am, but identified themselves with "black" because of their ancestry/culture/ethnicity, whatever you call it.

In this area, the PC term is Cajun, but an equally common appellation is coon@$$, and it definitely depends on the tone of voice in which you say it as to whether that's offensive or not. Of course, the @$$ part might be offensive depending on whether it's mixed company (mixed group of ladies and men with or without children present) or if you're in church or something.