Can anyone recommend anything for boys too. My DS is 12. This will be my deal too, dad will not do it. He just doesn't deal with things like this. He didn't have a good role model and it makes him feel uncomfortable. I'd love a recommentdation for a good boy book.
That very thing happened to ME too! And as hard as it was (or thought it was going to be), I did not want my own dd8 to go through that. Thanks for the encouragement everyone! The thing that made it such a success IMO is that I didn't plan (aka dread) for the exact time to approach the subject. I didn't make a big deal about it (which surprised even me). It wasn't a lesson. Um...all of which were the exact opposite of how I THOUGHT I would do it!! It almost just came tumbling out before I realized what I was saying. My inner teacher had NOT approved that topic for the day NOR had yet to formalize a proper lesson plan! *LOL* But I'm convinced that's why it went so well. And what a relief! The wonderful part is that I really feel like I've opened the door for her to feel comfortable confiding in me even with difficult topics. I realized that if I was uptight and make a big deal out of the subject, then I would pass that on to her. Thank goodness she's only 8 and probably has a while before it happens, but I was 10 and clueless and didn't want time to get away from me placing her in the same situation. NOW to reinforce that this is just a Mommy-Daughter topic, NOT to be "sprung" on her unsuspecting friends! I made that very clear (because I certainly would not have wanted the reverse to have happened). I wish they would have included a paragraph about that in the book. Something to keep in mind.... Bev
I started at 14, and I was STILL fairly clueless! My dd9 has asked questions already, and has an idea what happens. I get headaches, bad cramps and fatigue during mine, so even the boys know when I'm having my period. I explain it to them matter-of-factly, and let them know that once they're married, their wives may go through this, so I hope that they are understanding of her needs! With my dd, I've gone into more detail, and she's seen the pads and things, and has an idea now. I tell her to ask anytime she needs to know anything, so hopefully when it happens, she'll know it's all okay.
As far as tampons... are you planning to allow your dds to use them from the beginning? I understand not explaining that part yet, but am curious about how soon to let girls use them. My mom never intoduced them to me. A friend (a good friend ) showed me on a school trip when I wanted to go swimming (I was in high school)! I do NOT what my girls to go to a friend for this kind of help!! I ask because my dd8 takes 2 dance classes a week (leotard w/o skirt required), and I think she would need to use them fairly early. I really have to get some books and get this conversation behind us with my dd8! I'd like the name of a book for boys, too. My dh is supposed to take care of that one, but I really don't see him doing it.
With Jane, I let her start using tampons at 12 because she was going to California and I knew she would spend time at the beach. I taught her from the start to be extremely careful about toxic shock. If anything, she is somewhat paranoid to this day (almost 17) but she has heavy cycles so they are more convenient. Joyce (11) has not started yet but the warning signs are there. I had mentioned that she is probably too young for tampons and she said she wouldn't want to use them at this age anyway! No rush!
When I was young my cycles were very very heavy. I had to be on perscription pain killers also. My periods were just terrible. After having kids they are barely noticable. I am not sure if tampons would help a heavy cycle or not, since my mom never introduced me to tampons. She never said much about them so I was kinda intimitated to use them. Geesh, I am intimidated to use that birth control ring also. lol. Anyway, I think open communication is good. I did finally use tampons and I was satisfied but I still lean toward the pads. I wasn't sure what the proper age would be for a girl to use tampons. I wasn't even considering that in the whole conversation. Oh no! More to talk about. lol.
Mine were like that too, Ava Rose. They had a hard time finding anything to cut the pain, even. After I had kids, they were a little more regular and not quite so bad, but I still get them pretty hard! I feel for my dd, I don't want her to get them so bad! My dh was willing to talk with our boys about it, so I'm not sure what he did. Doesn't Dr. Dobson have something? I'm not sure. I'll have to ask dh. I think, though, that he just spoke about it "man-to-man". So as a mom, I'm sure it'd be harder!
Ava, we received a sample for tampons in the mail when I was probably 15. Mom had a hysterectomy, so I tried them myself without her knowing. I decided they were great. So the next time we went to the store, I picked up a box of tampons.l My mom: "Do you know you wear those INTERNALLY?" I explained that I had got some int he mail, etc. Finally she said, "Well, I guess they wouldn't allow them to sell them if they weren't safe...." That was about a hundred years ago (LOL), and I've finally gone back to using pads!
If you go back to the VERY beginning of this thread, someone (Crystal?) was asking about that. since my boy is only 7, that's not my area quite yet!
LOL! A friend of mine and I, who also had a mom who didn't tell her anything, were shocked by tampons. lol. We kept looking at the diagram and saying, "What happens if you go too far?", "What if I don't know where to put it?" lol. My friend also had a horror story of a girl she knew that had to go to the ER to have her tampon removed. Apparantly, her parents were out of town and the string on the tampon broke. She was terrified and went to the ER. LOL.
I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!! I was a young 20-something, so not some stupid kid! I used the kind you inserted without an applicator (which is what I still use if I wear a tampon!), and inserted it upside down. Didn't realize it until I went to withdraw it, and there wasn't any string!!! I felt SO STUPID!!! The lady at the ER was great. Told me it happens ALL the time!
It was always my fear. I used to check the string frequently. lol. You'd think I had a UTI as much as I went to the bathroom. lol
I don't even remember talking to my mom about using tampons. A friend and I ordered a free sample in the mail and I just started using them. We practically lived at the pool in the summer so they were a blessing for me. My cycles have gotten so light as I've gotten older that I don't bother with them and am actually a little scared to!
Jen, mine are very light one time, and then heavy and LONG the next time! It's something my gyn and I are discussing right now. She assures me this is typical at my age!
OK, I'm going to take this conversation in a whole new way. This is going to sound crazy, but I honestly need to kinow!!! Does wearing a tampon break the hyman? Do any of you ladies know the answer to this? It's rather important to Carl, to the extent that if the answer is yes, he doesn't want the girls using them. (Rachael "started" today, so he felt the need to discuss this with me. I was totally floored that it was even an "issue", but he says it's important to guys!)
Gracious! Now THERE'S something I haven't thought about in eons! I'd say there's a chance of that happening from tampon use, yes, but that is not a scientific, well-researched, definitive answer, so please get a 2nd and 3rd opinion. But I DO know that the hymen can be "broken" via participation in strenuous (healthy and normal) physical activities as well, including horseback riding, bicycling, gymnastics, and others. So, for a guy to rely on that "method" of measuring the integrity of his gal pal is actually not as reliable as he may have been led to believe. And if an older daughter, say in her teens IMO, would benefit from an improved quality of life and be more comfortable w/ tampons, then why deny her daily comfort for seven days every three or four weeks of her pre-married life (which would have been 19 YEARS of periods on PADS for me!!! ) just to perpetuate an outdated, and often misunderstood concept. Gee, I'm not opinionated or anything, huh?:lol: I mean, can you tell where I stand on this or maybe I'm being a little vague? LOL!!! Please know that none of my input was written to offend, but simply to inform. I hate getting my periods. They make my life miserable! If I hadn't "discovered" tampons, they wouldn't be hardly bearable. Yet, I have mixed emotions about how early I would let my own daughter "discover" them too, but certainly not for the hymen issue. I didn't realize their were still "hymen" concerns in existence, but I'll see if I can find some expert info to help allay your husband's fears.
Yes, tampon use can break the hymen. This is a somewhat common cause. Horse back riding and other athletics can also cause breakage. YOu can call the nurse at your pediatrician and ask for more information about this. Or google it. I figure I will let my dd's decide at a bout 16 or so whether or not to use them. There are additional health issues with tampon usage as well. My cramps were so bad and my body was so hyper sensitive during menstration that I have never used them much, especially the first couple of days each month It would have been pure agony to have done so. My cramps are not as bad after I had kids. I used to wake up having passed out with cold chills and sweats, and pain, pain and pain. I was so hyper sensitive at the height of the pain on the first day of menstration, I could hear a squirrel break wind in a red wood in california and I lived in FL. LOL I kinda agree with the comments about purpetuating a misconception about the intact hyman indicating virginity or not. This can be a bad indicator in both directions everyone is built differently. If your daughters do choose to use them and encounter a unhappy or accusing spouse, then can then insist that they want his forskin in the opposite condition that it is in, and that they feel misled because they assumed it would be otherwise. LOL\ As far as the talk, well I am not terribly modest and leave the bathroom door open when I am in the master bath. The girls will come in and talk or ask questions at times without knocking. They also see me change clothes and I take bubble baths or a shower with one or the other of them at times. I figure that this is good for them in that they know what a womans body looks like, can ask candid questions, etc. I figure that the more I teach them, the less they will learn from the streets later. It's no different than them seeing the other women changing at the pool locker room or camp ground showers with skimpy curtains, and they are not shocked or giggly in those circumstances. My husband does practice a bit more modesty as is appropriate. There is definitely modesty between the sexes here, my dd6.75 was concerned the other day when she found out that a male freind of the family was dropping to pick up something by while she was in the tub. I assured her that they would not come down the hall while she was moving between rooms with a towel on. That was a record fast shampoo job. My oldest dd has seen mommy diapers from toddler age and I explained it all from the beginning. The second one noticed them again the other day when we were taking all of the stuff out from under the sink to organize it and clean the cabinet etc, and the dd6.75 gave the talk to dd2.75. It was funny listening in on this. She told little sis that her body would start being ready to have babies way before she was old enough get married so it could practice. Having a baby is a lot of work for a womans body. That every month it would get ready for God to send a baby and if He did not, she would bleed because with no baby she would not need the squishy stuff for it to stick to, and her body would get rid of it and try again next time. The mommy diapers are for the bloody squishy stuff. Sounded pretty good to me. I will get her to advise me and update and compress the sex talk after I give it to her, before giving it to dd2.75yrs.
Apple, I agree with you. That's pretty much what I told my DH, but he says that guys REALLY DO consider such things. He can't understand how I'm so indifferent to it, while I can't understand why he's making it a big deal. He says that not being able to swim during such times is just part of how God made women. I told him that tampons were so freeing, and to say no altogether was in my mind bondage (and yes, I DID use that word!!!).
Well, I've been in bondage to pads, since I can't stand the tampons! I've worn them for swimming, but afterwards I feel horrible! My body just can't handle them! I am like vantage, with horrible pain and menstruation during my periods. They're not QUITE as bad now, but sometimes they last for 2 - 2 1/2 weeks, then a few days later I get PMS for the next time around! All of my mom's sisters, my mom, and my sister had hysterectomies. I'm the only female on that side that hasn't! But I'm thinking it might be a good idea, though I don't know exactly what all it involves. I know that for awhile, my dd will wear pads, but when she's older, I guess she should have that option to use tampons. "Congratulations" to Rachael!
