I think I'd have a heart-to-heart about what he really means by this. (Does he really feel that it affects virginity?)There are so many other ways that the tissue can be broken. If he refuses to let your dd use tampons for this reason, the tissue may still be broken in other ways. How does he feel knowing that? I also think I've heard that there is no way a guy can tell if the hymen is broken (unless he's a doctor). Maybe you can find a good Christian book discussing these types of things. Wow, I never even thought of that. Didn't think it was relevant at all.
Well Jackie, that answer is yes. But, I have to agree with Deena, I don't think children that young need to use tampons. They will have pently of time to make up there minds when they get older.
I agree that girls that young don't need to be using tampons. But I ALSO agree with letting her decide for herself later. The way he is, that is not an option. Period! Pam, he DOES understand that it can break in other ways. We went through all of that last night. Deep down he understands that virginity is NOT tied into that one thing, but he says it REALLY makes a difference in guys, that guys REALLY DO sit around and discuss such things! And that really blew me away. To me it's just a non-issue! I honestly don't remember this EVER coming up in anything I've read or heard. I'm not sure where to even begin finding a good Christian book dealing with it. I'm afraid to do a google search. Can you imagine what kind of perverted stuff I'd find googling words like VIRGINITY and HYMAN? Don't even want to open my computer up to what might come up! Deena, when I used the word "bondage", I didn't necesarrily mean that we are in bondage by using pads. It was more that HE w2as putting her in bondage by not giving her the OPTION. I've swtched back to pads almost exclusively, but it was my choice. Right now, I feel they fit my lifestyle better. But I also feel that most teens and young adults are better served by the OPTION of using tampons. No offense was meant!
Jackie, I do agree with you she should be able to make her own choice when she is older and understand all this stuff.
quote: but he says it REALLY makes a difference in guys, that guys REALLY DO sit around and discuss such things! end quote Is this before or after they discuss the ones that are broken and who broke them, how many and how often!! How do they know what the broken and unbroken states look like? Why do they have a means for comparison? I can here it now, as Bubba compares his new brides hymen to the ones he saw in high school and college then insists that she was not a virgin. Urrghhh..........MEN! Frankly I would not want my dd's marrying such "backward" men. A guy who does not have a close enough and trusting relationship to take my daughters word, and who would instead let such drivel undermine his trust, has no business marrying her. Perhaps this could somehow be tastefully employed as an anti-Jerk screening method. A google search of "hymen tampon" brought up many reputable sights.
Oh Jackie, I knew what you meant. I just FEEL in bondage myself sometimes, since they're so much "messier" than the tampons!
Ok it's lines like this- that just force me out of lurkdom lol. But :x heck some of the things he's saying! Sorry but he's coming across as an arrogant male so and so. (lol I deleted my chooce word)Let him wear a pad for 5 days straight and see how he likes it. How selfish can you get. Sorry but I'm steaming here!! A womans (or a girls body) belongs to herself. If she chooces to use pads or tampons should be up to her. If she is young then yes start out with pads but if this is a misery how dare someone force her to endure years of it!
I'm glad you googled that Vantage. I wouldn't have touched that one with a 10 ft. pole. Maybe I shouldn't have brought up the subject of how young to allow them to use tampons. I was asking because mydd8 is a dancer and is not allowed to wear a skirt over or panties under her leotard. That makes pads kind of hard. I will not allow her to skip lessons just because she has a period (unless of course she feels like crud), as we pay out the wazoo for these lessons. Oh, and I asked my dh... He says he has NEVER had that conversation with anyone and doesn't know anyone who has.
It's OK, I understand the steaming! I'm trying very hard not to be steaming myself. I know I that doing THAT will shut the communication down completely; as long as I don't start steaming, he's at least listening. And he has agreed to pray over it, too. Vantage, I hear you, too. I've almost told him that they kind of guy who "cares" is NOT the type of man I want for my girls! I'm just glad to know that it's NOT "just me" who doesn't consider this an issue. Pam, thanks for asking your DH. Would the rest of you mind asking your husbands if THEY consider it an issue or not? I don't want to cause any arguments or anything, but he's implying that it's important to guys. And of course I have to take his word on this, because there's no way I can go asking guys about it. But if you would ask your dh's for me, then I might have a better idea if it really is a guy thing, or if mine is off-the-wall.
Okay I just had to go back and re-read this entire thread so I'd know what's going on. I asked my husband and he looked at me like I was on drugs or something so then of course I had to explain. He said never in his life has he had that conversation with anyone or know anyone who has. He also added that it's not his body and he doesn't know or ever will know what it's like so how could he pressume to tell them how to handle it. Now I think poor hubby is in shock - I'll remember to never talk about the "P" word with him again!! I'm gonna just say that if my husband forbid my daughters to wear tampons we would have serious issues.
I had to let mine read the last part of the thread. He looked a little weird when I asked! I made him promise that he was being honest, Jackie!
How important is this to my DH? I will quote him below: Not important to me at all. Good luck finding a virgin in the first place these days, and one that has a intact hymen. What century are these guys from. Locker room talk is the heighth of hyporcacy. If they are talking about girls in the locker room they are hypocrites to be worried about this. How would guys even know what this looks like. It reminds my of when I was in school when guys were supposed to __________, and girls not. Who were they _______ with. It is just stupid double standards.
Just to keep the tomatoes from coming Jackie's way...although I do not agree with her dh's reasoning, let's remember that daddies can be very protective of their little girls. I think more than being of "stone-age-mindset", he's trying to make sure his little girl is pure and perfect for her future bridge-groom. (I am in no way saying that using tampons will make her impure!!). Let's try see it from his view for a minute and then give Jackie a hand with some positive and useful back-up!!
I agree Pam, but she DID ask what the husbands thought, so I just asked my dh, cuz now I was curious too! He said he and his friends talked about a lot of things, but this was never one of the things they talked about. He said he'd be more worried about Toxic Shock Syndrome than this. He also said that years and years ago it was something that was considered, and important for the wedding night. If the woman didn't bleed on the wedding night, then she could be in big trouble! But now with so much promiscuity, I don't know that many guys think of that anymore. Conservative Christians strive to be virgins, I know. Both dh and I were when we got married. But the general public doesn't consider this as important, as far as I know. He also brought up the point that some of you have about how people are made differently, and other things could cause breakage. The tampons are sized differently, so you would want to get the size that best fits you, of course. If that is the case then it SHOULDN'T break through the hymen.
I wan't responding to the husband's views. Sorry if it seemed that way. Women tend to get defensive when a guy treads on "our" territory. I just want us to remember that Jackie asked for our help!
Deena, I was cleaning around the house or I should say my RV this afternoon and I had turned Oprah on and she had a doctor on and the question came up about tampon and how long should women wear them. The dr. said the problem women have by wearing tampon is not changing them then they cause all kinds of trouble. Like the toxic shock and everything. But, she said they should be changed every 6 hours. Anyway I understand where Jackie's Dh is coming from. I hear my dh right along with him. I have two little girls and I feel sorry for anyone who dates my girls they are going to have to go through there daddy first. LOL
The toxic shock syndrome is what I am worried about and why I think that tampon use should be postponed until later, and then only used when that level of discretion is needed. ie, when swimming, or the wearing of a costume or dance where or formal dress where might call for it. I personally do not feel they are an overall replacement for pads due to the added health risks. Its called flow for a reason. LOL I do on the other hand realize that when the church youth group, or school club is going to have a beach party and you show up wearing jeans, or not at all at the last minute that you might as well tell announce to the universe that you are menstrating. THis is pure misery for a young girl who is modest toward the opposite sex. There is also the problem of girls who flow so heavily certain days that they cannot make it through Sunday morning services with a single pad. Again wearing jeans, when dresses are normally worn, or staying home once a month, or .................. is like making the big announcement. Girls can come to dread this time of the month and believe me the social impact is much greater than even the worst cramps. If any of my comments have seemed harsh, they are addressing the topics not the individuals.
That would be my biggest concern. By saying "absolutley not" you would be most definitley setting your daughters up for disappointment (missed events) and embarrassment (last minute excuses or obvious clothing choices). Maybe this would be a point for you to use with your dh, Jackie. How would he feel if Racheal had to miss a much-anticipated event at the last minute because she started her period? (I do realize that most things can be done wearing a pad.) Would he understand her embarrasment, or would he still feel that that's the way God made us?
Ok well I am being honest I only read the 1st post and did not read through everyone's so if I repeat someone else I am sorry. We read a book called "It's my body, It's a God thing" by Nancy Rue. Now I did leave some out but I used almost all of it. My daughter was 11 when she started and she has been doing very good with this. I keep a very open communication line with her and a few friends of hers who need an ear. HTH Blessings Lisa
