Sommer (((((((HUGS)))))))))))) first. Now take a deep breath and sit back and think what do you have to lose by putting him back in school nothing but a peace of mind and then maybe you can give that little boy the help he needs. Yes, put him back in just long enough to get help then you can pull him out. I would. We all know you are a wonderful mother and would do anything for your children. Sommer it is not your fault. Just pat your self on the back and say hay I have done everything I can for him, there is no more I need to get him help now so it will help him later in live. I will pull him out of ps when the help is given. Remember we are here for you. Hang in there. We all know you will do what is right for him and your family.
He has an assignment from the dr.. he is supposed to treat others how he wants to be treated, and report back to the dr with how he gets treated in return. I spent the evening just hiding in my room being numb. I still don't know what to do. We are technically done with school for the year, so I see no point in sending him back to public school now.. he goes back to the dr in 4 months.. which is August. I think I will offer him the chance to show he can follow the rules of the house during that 4 months.. if he does then he can stay home next year.. if not hubby said he will personally take him and enroll him in public school. After Garrett goes to be.. in just a few minutes by the way.. I plan on working out a rewards system kind of thing and forcing ourselves to be strict and stick with it. Oh.. and Miley.. we do make him run laps.. compliments of hubby's military years
Might add some pushups too. They're harder than laps if done correctly. I'm late seeing this. (((HUGS))) Sommer!!
Sommer, this is a little long, but please read. With my crazy days, this is the first I've seen the thread. I've gone back through and read everything to be sure that no one else has given the same advice. My mother worked with a high functioning autistic child for several years. When she first started working with him he was very violent. He hit her more than once. He also had some OCD tendencies and other medical problems. His parents did so much for him, but it took an outsider to get him under control. My mother was his medical nurse (he was on a trachea), but she was able to get him under control and his parents were able to maintain that control when she left. He attended PS here and was in a program for special needs children. Has Garret been tested for autism or Asperser? It sounds to me like he has something more sever and will need specialized teaching. This does not mean that you could not learn the methods and still bring him home, but I would really consider putting him in school and then insisting that they give him a broad spectrum of test. Just do not let them medicate for ADD or ADHD without a medical test. They tried to put mine on meds for ADD, but only wanted to do a personality test. (Which is probably what your docs were doing anyway). My son has Sleep Apnea and was suffering from sleep deprivation. I will ask my mother to take a look at your description of Garret's behavior and see what she recommends. Keep the faith and know you are doing your best and that is all anyone can expect.
haha.. push ups.... hubby tries so hard to teach him but we just end up laughing at Garrett's big butt sticking up in the air..lol.
Thanks Lesa.. we have talked to the dr about the possibility of anything on the autism spectrum and he just doesn't see any indication that it could be that at all. Accidemically Garrett is very advanced, he has always been a bit advanced and gets bored easily.. with everything be it his school work or playing outside or what ever. The only thing he can do for hours on end is read (sometimes anyway) or play videogames. Our dr isn't very big on medicating kids. He is a very old school doc... which is why we love him. The one kid that was described in the link that I believe it was Shelley that shared the ODD link.. he matches 100% the boy who was diagnosised with ODD and ADHD combined.
Chiming in late as I was gone all day yesterday. Sorry you are going through this along with your son and the rest of your family. I don't have any words of wisdom to share, sorry. I do have one thing to add though, I would be cautious about placing him into ps if he is as dangerous as you describe. You also don't want to put him into a position in which things could be worse for him/others and you certainly don't want the ps system to put a label on your ds. Just my 2 cents. ((((Huggs)))))
Hubby and I had a long talk about things last night. The dr gave Garrett a 4 month assignment. I'm going to make him keep a journal about it. We are also going to give him this 4 months to prove to us that he can function properly as part of this family.. if not it's back to public school for him. We fear that if we place him back into public school that he will begin to get Fs because he doesn't want to apply himself when it comes to school work.. and the school isn't going to hand him back his work and say these are wrong, you know do this work, now start over.. they are just going to say this is wrong.. and grade accordingly. Garrett craves attention.. and even though we give him tons, he still feels he deserves more. Hubby takes this kid everywhere with him and does so much with him but to him it's not enough.. so we are working on a reward system..where if he does what he is supposed to.. with a good attitude we will do something with him every night.. be it a game (like I told hubby even if it's one hand of Uno), a movie or a tv program as a family, or what ever. Not sure how it will turn out, but we will try our best. I have a horrible time even talking to him.. I'm still numb from yesterday. I'm trying to keep myself calm... and "check" myself before I say anything to him, because honestly I could still rip his head off. I guess all I can do is take it an hour at a time.. or even a few minutes at a time till we get it all figured out.
Hey, im sorry, i just saw this as well ((((hugs))))). For me, the boarding school would never happen bc of the gaurdianship thing. PS would be only a last resort, but it is an option. I think i would need a 2 day break from him to focus. I dont know if that is an option, but could you get away for 2 days or could he go to gpa or gma house for a day or 2?Even if your dh just keeps him home and you spend the whole day out, by yourself, at the park or the library, somewhere you can think. And pray. I cant remember if you believe in God or not, but right now i am lifting that boy up and you along with him. I have felt some of what you were feeling when my son was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. And my dh let me take a day or 2 away to collect my thoughts, and think on a plan, then i got with him and we discussed the plan, lol. I think that is how i work best, but at least you could have some time just to breathe and think. I def would try positive reinforcements, and i think a strict schedule might be needed as well. Maybe try to teach him some calming mechanisms, like counting to 10, or 100 whichever he needs, lol. Deep breathing, I dont know what he is saying, but talk to him if he will talk. Ask him how he is feeling. I am imagining my worst pms day, i can act like him on those hormone raging days, and how out of control i feel and sad and scared and alone. Now, i tend to be pretty moody, but im just thinking as a child if i felt that way all the time, it would be scary. Just give the next 4 months the best chance you can, i will be praying, and keep doing your best. That is all you can, i would have to just hand him over to God, and say, "ok, im done. I cant do this alone, please take him and help him in the way i cant" but that is me. jmo
Move some stuff out of the storage shed and move his stuff in... I definitly think stripping the room and removing the door is a great idea. (I have used that one myself) I also think that public school is not the Beast. You have to do what is best for your family. If for the benifit of the younger children you need to have him out of the house for those hours...then that is what you need to do. I don't think a label from the ps is going to hurt him...heck, in fact it is a label(ie. diagnosis) that your needing? right! It might do some good to have him on a schedule, I know that would be the toughest thing for me to do consisitantly. It isn't going to kill him to get a few F's and find out that this isn't Garret land. If it is horrid, pull him. I know you do secular...but I am praying for you and Garret anyway. And it isn't your fault. Remember they (the kiddo's) are not here for whatever reason WE had them...they have their very own walk and purpose, we only have to help them find it. I also shocked my daughter when I told her I was not responsable for her happiness...I only love you, clothe you, feed you...the rest is up to you...
I have not read the other responses, but this is from my therapist point-of-view. I was a social worker B.C. He needs meds. I am a very holistic, natural healing, hardly ever give my kids drugs sort of parent - but what you are describing is "brain" based, not behavior based. Now, much of his behavior is due to his chemical imbalance or whatever you want to call it. I would guess that he is physically unable to control most (not all) of his behavior. You need a sympathetic family dr or ped who can prescribe and monitor the proper meds. If this sympathetic Dr can refer you to a good child psy - all the better. I have no idea how your insurance works, but you don't NEED (by law) a diagnosis for meds, but you might be required to have a Dx by your insurance. Keep looking and keep pushing. The right help is out there, but you need to push hard, dig deep and don't take no bull from them. I have a GF with a similar child. He is impossible to live with when he is off his meds (and they homeschool). Edit to add: I just went back and read the responses and your further info. The matches thing sort of bumps this into another category. He is now being a danger to himself and others. Try that angle with the hospital. And I really hate to agree with the others, but even a really bad school at this point will get him into the system that the hospital says he needs to be in for help. Take the homschool long term view about it. If he is advanced in his schoolwork then taking a year or two won't hurt him academically, and he will finally get the help your family needs. And be totally up front with the teachers. "Yes, I know he is difficult. We are trying to get him help but no one will help unless he is in school. Please make your reports." Blessings to you. This is such a very hard thing to deal with.
I think Kajmom's got it right. Bully your doctor for meds. It's likely behind Garrett's control right now. let alone yours. Speaking as someone with impulse control problems and a family full of ADD folk I think I'd ditch the hard disipline. He probably has no way to make those lessons useful but tons of ways to think that when he fails yet again it's yet more proof that he's a bad, stupid, awful kid. Until you gets meds I can tell you that touch helped me a lot. Having someone put a hand on my shoulder while I worked or reading while snuggled up with a parent often had the effect of grounding me. I don't know why. It could be he even sense that and his demands for attention are actually a need for affection and touch - something to physically ground him so he can come back to himself when he's losing it. Hold a hand, hug him, keep him close and in contact with family members as much as you can? I don't know if it would help but I know it helped me and some other ADD people I've known. Might be worth a try.
Sommer ((((((HUGS)))))))))) hang in there girl and remember what ever you and dh do we all are behind you. Remember we are here for you if you need to talk I hope you all can work this out. But, I do agree put him in ps and do it now. Yea, you are done and he is ahead but like someone else said this would be the time for them to help him with other things and not school. But, you have to do whats best for you all.
Sommer, maybe Garrett needs to see you sign over your parental rights. He disrespects you, torments you, mistreats his siblings, but straightens up around dad you said. He needs to see he is disposable, and maybe then he'll get with the program. There came a day that I told my Kevin the only reason I let him stay here is because of how putting him out would affect my 76 yr old mom's health. Once she is gone, so is he. I am so sorry you have to suffer like this.
Thanks ladies, today was a somewhat better day. Compared to usual it was much better. I have a hard time with every little thing.. I feel like I'm always on edge.. so it's hard to let the little things go.. which I need to learn to pick my battles, at least until we get the worst behaviors worked out. I made it very clear to Garrett that he has this 4 months to prove to ME (not anyone else since I'm the one home with him all day) that he wants to be a productive member of this family... I will keep reminding him of this for a while and see where it leads us.
Sommer, yep that is the hard part decide to let go and pick our battles. But, we know you are a very strong lady and can do it. Yes, I am sure you will have some good days and bads. But, try to cherish the good ones too. I hope everything works out for you all. You all desire it. He is a good boy and you know it. You are a good friend, mother, wife, sister, daughter and we know you can do it too. Just hang in there and keep us posted. When it gets hard come on back and talk to us. We will give you all the support you need girl.
Sorry Becky, but i have to disagree. Im just thanking the Good Lord right now that he didnt consider me indespensable (sp?). I would never let my dc believe i would give away the right to be his mama. Sorry, what about the prodigal son? Look at that father! He loved his boy to no end, and that is the kind of mama i want to be. Not a walk all over me mama, but a love you unconditional mama. Sorry, but i know how it feels to be a child who believes she is no longer loved by her mom and i would never never ever put that feeling in my childs heart.
I think bottom line with the boarding school is that it isn't for kids with behavior issues and Sommer's son has behavior issues so that isnt a real possibility anyway. At least not a possibility that would most likely work for them. With that being said... I see people agree and disagree with giving up guardianship but I am torn on this subject. On one hand I could never do that to my kids but my kids have not put me through what Sommer is going through. They do not act the way her son acts. On the other hand my step son is horrible and has put my husband through hell. He is violent, moody, does drugs, drinks, sneaks out, has unprotected sex, mooches off everyone around him, refuses to work and thinks everyone owes him something. His next step I'm sure will be jail if he is lucky or death by some other punk kid on the streets if he isn't. The kind of life he leads you never can tell. If we could have put him in a place that would have actually helped turn him into a normal and productive member of society I'm pretty sure my husband would have given up his rights in a heart beat in order to help his son. We dont know each other's personal stories so let's not be so quick to judge what someone else would do. Sommer I hope that you can find the help you need for your son so he doesn't turn out like my step son or worse. Your other kids deserve to live in a safe environment without having to worry daily about what their brother will do to them today. I know how it must be hurting your family and I just hope for an outcome that is good for both your son and the rest of your family.
