What a day! Somebody obviously has something against me, so they decided to try to humiliate me because of the incredibly messy house I have (currently made worse by my attempts to pack up and move to Michigan, all on my own.) But, since there's no law against a messy house, they made up LIES pertaining to the kids so human services would come out. They said I leave my children at home alone for hours, I let them go hungry, that they are homeschooled but not learning because they don't have a space to study (how tragic this fool is to think learning can only take place if one is sitting up straight at a desk), etc. They also said things about my house that are simply not true--mold in the basement, no bathroom door. What bugs me is that this person is obviously someone I know and talk to because I have told some people that we had to remove some drywall because of mold due to a flood--duh, I said we REMOVED it!!!!-- and I often joke (with other women I THOUGHT I could trust) that my house is a mess. I've also mentioned to some people--again, that I thought I could trust--that homeschooling has been difficult during this OH/MI transition. I guess I should've known that some people are just waiting to pounce on something like that. Well, even though it was clear my kids are not neglected and the social worker acknowledged the clutter was not "floor to ceiling" at stated (yes, I let them in simply because I wanted to show I have nothing to hide and I just had to think as quickly as possible. We are planning on going to MI tomorrow for a Father's Day visit and I was so worried they'd do something to ruin that if I wasn't cooperative). Anyway, she said that the clutter on the floor could be a fire hazard for the 3 1/2 year olds if they had to get out. A bunch of bull, quite frankly, but these are people who feel it's their business to tell me how neat MY house needs to be. There are no bugs, rodents, etc. Just clutter and currently mounds of laundry as I've pulled things out of places to wash and pack away and books, magazines and mail have managed to get scattered about. So, she said the boys would need to stay somewhere else tonight. They are at the neighbors along with Hava. They fell asleep at home and I called the after-hours number of Human Services to tell them it's wrong to wake them up and take them to a strange home to sleep. They stuck to their guns and made me take them. Rami woke up and cried and cried every time I tried to lay him down and leave. He wants to be with his mom in his happy--albeit messy--home. But this is an example of how these social workers have the children's best interests at heart. Now when I return to Michigan, the boys will have to stay with my mom for a few days until I have the floor clutter cleared up. So, someone knew my achilles heel was my housekeeping, and had some sort of grudge against me so they figured this would be the way to embarrass and harass me. I just can't believe the bold-faced lies they told about my kids. The names of the accusers are always kept confidential, but since they blatantly lied about some things, for example the bathroom door, I am wondering if it could be treated as a misdemeanor for filing a false report and in that case, don't I have the right to know my accuser? We don't have the money to get legal advice right now and this really has ended up being about the house and not homeschooling, so I don't even think having a membership to HSLDA would've made a difference. I just hope they don't try to "evaluate" the girls. We are currently registered in Michigan, where no evaluation is required. If they would be evaluated, I know they are not where their PS counterparts would be right now because of the delays we've encountered this year. Personally, I know we'll catch up, but in the eyes of these "experts", well, who know what they'd say?? I just hope it doesn't get into that area or else I'll definitely have to defend myself legally. If someone knows me enough to know that I am moving to MI, that I homeschool, that my house is messy, that we HAD to replace drywall, would also know me well enough to see that my kids are not neglected. This was purely malicious and it makes me so hurt and angry. It also makes me angry that the government can intrude in our lives about things that simply aren't their business. Oddly, though, I reacted with complete calm. I guess I am so overwhelmed right now with the move and our finances that I'm kind of numb to anything else that can go wrong. It looks like they'll leave me alone as soon as they feel my house is "safe". Keep your fingers crossed for me that they won't try to pull some bizarre social worker b**ll**it. Well, it's after midnight and I'm going to resume packing my minivan for the trip--something that was going well and on schedule until they showed up.
I have often said that, "If you want some "Alone time"... clean your house! No one will come over for days... till someone spills something, and knocks over the other thing and it rains all week tracking mud into the house, but you can't clean it up because you had to run one child to the dentist and then Aunt so and so passes away and you have to give the Eulogy, while still organizing the homeschool monthly get together." .. DING DONG! I feel your pain, my dear.
And now things are going through my head, like, "Should've I told them they can't go in?" But would've they just returned awhile later with a warrant? Perhaps the house thing was completely off their limits, but coupled with the false accusations about the kids, they figured they'd ask if they could see the house, kind of tricking my into thinking they had a right to. Man, I'll be so ticked if I realize that they would've just had to have left after seeing that the kids weren't neglected. Maybe the whole bathroom door thing was a sure-fire way to guarantee they had a right to see the house--if not now, then later at least. If that's the case, then I can be sure that whoever wanted to do this to me knew all the right buzzwords. Interestingly, the accuser knew better than to get too carried away with their accusations because they knew that the social worker would find no merit to their claims of neglect. I dunno, I go from saying "To heck with these types of people, they're stupid and unhappy and I'll get their goat better if I act like this doesn't bother me" to feeling outrage that this could happen--especially without consequences to the accuser for making bogus claims. I guess I just have to keep on plugging with the move and get the heck out of here and figure karma will take care of people in due time. What really bothers me is that I absolutely loved where I lived and was so sad to leave this place and now this happens so close to when we are leaving that my memories of this place will be slightly tarnished.
Oh wow, thats terrible. Your poor kiddos. I hope things get better for you all soon. What a horrible day.
O.K.---me, again--I need to try and sleep because I'm really starting to obsess about this. What if it won't stop with the house issue? What if they come up with other crap after they see the house has been picked up? They asked my girls if I spanked them. They said "Yes" then she asked them "Where?" They said, "On the butt" and one said "On the butt and cheek". Then she asked them if they ever get bruises. The girls said "No". She asked the kids if they get bathed regularly. I heard Hava say that she showers by herself, but the social worker later asked me about the "four kids" who still bathe together (the two sets of twins). She said "Don't you think they're too old for that?" I said, "No. They ask to bathe together." Apparently, this didn't fit into her textbook answer format, so she said, "Well, what if they touch each other?" I said, "They don't do anything weird. Quite frankly, it's the kids who are taught that their bodies are something dirty and shameful that end up having problems and doing weird things later in life. There's nothing wrong with viewing the human body as something natural." (By this time, it had come up in conversation that my husband was European. So she said, "Well, I guess there are different cultural attitudes towards that sort of thing.":roll They also asked the girls if they've ever seen anyone do drugs and of course they said "No". They asked something about me drinking alcohol and I don't even know what the other two girls said, but one said "When she goes out with her friends." (Basically, she means she's seen me have beer or wine on social occasions.) Now that I think about it, these questions had nothing to do with the accusations that were made. I wonder if I could get the social worker in trouble for that? Hmmm, I might try to hunt down an attorney tomorrow and see if I can get some basic questions answered. I'm just getting paranoid. I wish we could just stay up in Michigan for good this trip. If the house clutter is the only issue, then I guess everything will be all right at the end of next week. But what if they pull some other b.s? Can they prevent us from moving? Do they have a right to evaluate the girls' academic progress if they are registered in Michigan and it's not required there? Are they going to pull that liberal crap of saying children should NEVER be spanked, that I'm not allowed to bathe the kids together, that my 3 1/2 year old is not allowed to walk three houses over by himself (she said she felt he was too young for that. I politely told her I disagreed, because the three moms are always watching out the windows and waiting for the kids when they go back and forth. I just can't believe I have to worry about worse things possibly happening just because some jerk had it in for me for some reason.
Am praying for you!!! I've met you and your precious kids, and I've seen how much you love and care for them, how well they're doing. (Not that I've ever doubted that!!!) In hind sight, you should never let a social worker in without a warrant, but that's beside the point right now. DO NOT (and tell this to whoever they stay with!) let them be interviewed without you being there!!! Right now, they are fishing for something. I understand a messy house, especially being in the middle of a move. I don't know if they can do anything about the move or not. BTW, I let Rachael at age three go around the CORNER to her friend's house on her own. I call her friend's mom, then watch Rachael to the corner (one house away). Jeanette would be on her porch, and watch her from the corner to her front door. SO THERE!!! AND we had a Family Reunion a few years ago. I had all four girl cousins spending the night and taking a bath together. And when I was a kid, I would often spend the night with G'ma and my guy cousin would take a bath with me (!!!). I would also take a bath with my friend when she would spend the night. She and I slept IN THE SAME BED (!!!) And guess what!!! We didn't become PERVERTS!!! I take it you are not an HSLDA member. I think you really need to find out exactly what your rights are, and stick with them. Because you let her in the house, you "gave her permission" to be intrusive in your life. Other than HSLDA, I'm not sure where to tell you to turn now. I know one thing HSLDA often has you do is to send you to your pediatrician for them to document there is no sign of physical abuse. You could also get letters from friends concerning your parenting, that you are not neglectful, etc. We will be praying for sure!!!
AHHH don't let them in. Once in it is a social workers job to try really hard to make you our your kids slip and tell something that will get your kids taken away. All they need is reasonable doubt, aka a dirty house. I have heard too that you take the kids to your pedi (as long as you trust them, my pedi has something against homeschooling and me not using vax's) and get them to write a note that they are not physically abused. IF it were me I would get an attorney, and stop spanking for the time being. I am all for spanking but just until this is all cleared up I would stop. I don't know if you can do this or not now, but I would try to not let them have anymore contact with the kids, or in my house unless it was so that the kids could sleep in the house. But even then I would rather them sleep in somebody else's house then have the workers back in my house. I will pray for you.
Agreeing with Aggie and Jackie here. I'm assuming you aren't members of HSLDA. If you are, obviously CALL THEM! If not, I'd scrub the house, take the kids to the ped, call a lawyer or legal aide and line up the character references. We'll be praying too!!
That is just awful, sorry that happened to you. I have learned that you can't trust everyone. Apparently someone has an ax to grind with you and thought they would try and burn you down in the most evil and hateful way possible. I worked for CPS and unfortunately, anyone can turn in anybody anonymously and CPS doesn't have to divulge the source of that erroneous tip. It's too bad that the accuser can't be tried for false reporting when the charges are shown to be unfounded but unfortunately that is a flawed system. A lot of the times the "tip" is phoned in anonymously or an anonymous letter is written so the actual source is unknown. Of course an anonymous tip should raise a red flag but CPS has to investigate all tips no matter how frivolous or untrue they are. That is not right because like you said, you have the right to face your accuser. Sounds like the person just took what you said and twisted it so it would look negative. I am so sorry, you must be so stressed out. You have every right to be upset. Some people use the CPS system to waive vendedous against others. That is such a nasty way to seek revenge. By allowing the social worker in you were just showing her that you had nothing to hide. Do you have a clue who it is? Has anyone been acting different toward you, been extra curious about your world to fish for info from your visit? I would correct the areas the social worker pointed out to you and when/if they make a return visit all the issues will be resolved and hopefully you won't hear from them again. You always have the option of calling HSLDA for some advise.
You have every right to be outraged! Having someone come into your home would feel like such a violation that it would make anyone feel the saem way. They deal with malicious tips all the time and they can tell when they have received one by what they find when they come in to investigate.
I agree with Jackie, they can't come in without a warrant and in order to get a warrant they need probable cause. If it is related to homeschooling HSLDA has taken cases even though someone was not a member. Ditto what Jackie said.
wow, this is so sad, I don't know what I would do if it happen to me. Some people are so jealous of other people they do the darnest things to hurt people. WHY I don't know. I wish I knew. Any way I would call HSLDA and tell them you aren't a member but what is going on and you want to join and see if they can help. They might be able to step in and its worth the 8 dollars a month to join. PLEASE do it. It will help you because they are going to watch you for awhile. Also, do whatever you have to clean the house even if one room is where you put all the boxes for moving and things. Two don't spank for anything do what ever you have to not too, take away things or something. Three no more bathing together until this is taken care of. Remember we are here for you. Also do what Jackie said, get some letters in writing that you are good mother the children are taken care, and do it now. Take the children to the doctor for physcial to show they are abuse. Get those ducks in a row and you will be fine. Watch who you talk to for awhile and see if this wouldnt' die down. Jealous gets in the way of alot of things. That is why I am aloner and plan to stay that way.
http://www.vahomeschoolers.org/issues/cps.asp http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/About_Child_Protective_Services/parentguide.asp Found these web site, hope it helps! (((( ))))
I am so sorry this has happened to you. Homeschoolers here kinda keep to themselves. When hsing first started here there was a hostile enviroment towards us. Some people are staightening up others will never get it. I will be praying. Have you considered talking with your county attorney.He (she) should give you a free consultation. But it also depends on how he/she feels about homeschooling as to what you will get. Stick to your guns. I hope you and the kids got some sleep.
I'm so sorry this has happened! I hope this doesn't turn into a long drawn out thing for your ffamily.
I agree that you shouldn't have let them in, but it's done now. Do not let them interview your children without you. Here are HSLDA's guidelines for handling CPS: The Social Worker At Your Door: 10 Helpful Hints http://hslda.org/docs/GetDoc.asp?DocID=70&FormatTypeID=PDF
This may sound crazy, but you might want to have an attorney in your pocket just in case. I have a good friend in Michigan who is an attorney (and, ironically enough, homeschooled!). She lives in Allegan and is BRILLIANT. If it looks like you need assistance once you move to MI, let me know and I will share her number. Best of luck in your situation.
I do agree with the others that you might want to get in touch with a lawyer. Since they've already been in your home, I'd cover all my bases. I've been thinking about this more, since I read it this morning. The housecleaning thing is just stupid (unless it poses a real health hazard). I have 2 neighbors that I'm fairly close to. One homeschools. One doesn't. Both of their houses are messier than I could stand to live in. The non-homeschooling family's house is piled high (almost literally floor to ceiling) with stuff. I don't know how they get around in the house. But, I know they love their children. The homeschooling family doesn't have so much clutter, but cleanliness is an issue. They have a cat, dogs, birds, mice, snakes, frogs, and lizards in their house (and tortoises outside)- and it shows. But, I would NEVER consider calling CPS on either of these families. I invite them to my house when I want to hang out. Why are people so mean to others? I just don't get it. {shaking head} I think I'll go clean my house now.....
Agreeing with what has been said about the lawyer, HSLDA and all of that. I do hope this is the end of it. The sad thing is that now even if nothing comes of it you are not on record as of having them come to your house, right? UGH. Try not to get too paranoid. Hire a maid if you have to, explain that you are moving, etc. I mean whose house isn't messy if they are moving..that alone should make them leave you alone. Don't feel bad about letting them in your house. I think I would have done the same. It was so out of what you could have expected and you are innocent so I think it is natural you just let them in. Not sure if that was a good or bad decision but don't get down about it. At least once in, they left and you have no real reason to think they are coming back. Cover your bases...and sit tight until you finally move! Praying this all goes away!
