The one time we were investigated by CPS (for good reason, really - I'd have called too), they simply sent us a letter a few weeks later telling us that all was fine, no worries. I'm sure that will be your case as well. Hugs and prayers! FWIW, to those who are curious - on ds5's second birthday, of course ds3 was only a baby. Dh and the older two boys were outside playing; I was inside wrapping presents. Dh honked the horn at me; I knew he was soon going to head to his mother's to get her and bring her to the party. He ALWAYS took ds, and I assumed he did that time as well. Well, he didn't, and ds got down the driveway. Our driveway emptied onto the access road to the interstate.... Some men from a local church were putting up a billboard at the end of our driveway (our landlord lived on the property too, and was majorly involved at church). Praise God they were there to catch him, and I'd have called CPS if I'd found a 2yo on the access road to the interstate, too! It was a stupid, miscommunication one-time-thing mistake, and thank the Lord they "saw" that. (And thank Him, too, that ds was okay!! I know he put those men down there for us!)
Well, we arrived in Michigan late Thursday night. I suppose the fact that no one had a problem with us leaving the state means that they don't consider us to be a serious case. I could almost feel the negative feelings melt away as I was driving, but after being here a couple of days, it is clear the heavy weight of all this is still with me. I gave them my husband's cell phone number but I can't remember if I gave them our Michigan address. I hope not, and I'm going to try to finagle my way out of giving it if they should ask for it. Interestingly, when the social worker asked for my husband's number, she asked "Do you talk with your husband often?" The question struck me as so odd because I just assume that any couple in our situation would communicate constantly, but then I remembered that she probably assumed that we are in some messed up relationship. She then added, "I will have to call him, you know." She said it as if she thought it was supposed to strike fear in me. Again, I guess she wasn't assuming that it's a loving, respectful and supportive relationship. When she called me the next day, she seemed surprised that I had already called my husband and told him. She then said, "Well, I'll still have to call him." As of today, he's still waiting for the call! Probably just another intimidation tactic. . . But this really boils my blood: the night that I had to take the boys to the neighbor's to sleep, I called the CPS after-hours number because they fell asleep on my bed watching TV while I was trying to get their clothes together, the girls in the house for the night, etc. I said, "Do you really think it's in their best interest to wake them up from a sound sleep to make them sleep in a strange environment?" Well, they made me take them. The next day when the social worker called and I asked her if she got the message that I called the night before, she said "Why did you let them fall asleep?" I said that I didn't realize they fell asleep until I walked into the room. Then she said "I thought you were supposed to be supervising them?" Caught off guard, I said "I was busy gathering their clothes and tending to the girls. I can't keep my eyeballs on all five kids 100% of the time." OHHHH---that was just music to her witchhunting ears. She said "Are you saying that you aren't able to watch all of your children?" Oooh, I felt like saying "Listen, wench, call me back when YOU are a mother--which should, quite frankly, be a prerequisite for your job!!" But of course, she has been granted unrestrained power over my family's fate so I had to bite my tongue. So, I just said "Look, I knew they were in my room watching t.v. It is neither reasonable nor logical to expect me to stand in the doorway and stare at them so they won't fall asleep." Why, oh why, do they try so hard to villainize someone who is obviously a very normal, realistic parent? Is is some perverse form of job security to make a normal mother seem neglectful? She also asked my 3 year old if he knows what a social worker is. Yeah, right, don't forget to ask him what a philanthropist is, or what supercalifragilisticexpialidocious means!! I would've laughed in her face if the whole situation wasn't so tragic! But then--when my little boy uttered a muffled "you", she turned to me and said, "Did he say 'kill'?" SHEESH---Yeah, right, you clueless dufus, part of my homeschooling involves instruction on killing social workers should they ever come around!!!:roll: Apparently, "closing" the case is not only a matter of clearing the hallway and floor areas, but also there is an issue of letting my boys walk by themselves to the neighbors. From our property line to the neighbor's, it is 144 feet. Does that mean that when they visit my sister, whose yard is 160 wide, that they can't walk across it unsupervised? But what worries me is, I do NOT feel that they are too young for this. So, what happens if I refuse to concede my opinion? Would they take my boys away from me for something as ridiculous as this and only return them when I am willing to say that they are right? I wonder if there's a clear cut law about ages for walking 144 feet? So, I either have to lie and say that I agree with her or risk something worse happening? Geez, it kind of reminds me of people who confess to something not because they are guilty but rather because they fear being tortured!! Does she really believe this represents an admirable process? I'd like to turn the tables on her and ask her if it would have been a problem if, in fact, there was no bathroom door. And if she says "yes", then I would say, but I can't properly supervise my children if the bathroom door is closed, so it's just better to take it off the hinges" and let her see how ridiculous these thing can be when taken to an extreme. It stinks that after nearly a decade of living in a neighborhood I absolutely love, I cannot enjoy our final weeks there because I feel like I'm under surveillance. What really burns me is the people I think (am pretty sure) reported me have only lived here a couple of years. She is a special ed teacher and he is a police dispatcher. There has always been something odd about them, even though they would be friendly if you talked to them. Obviously, she lives in a world of IEPs, etc. and they both conduct themselves like little cogs in the machine--sticklers for rules and unable to have an original thought. Perhaps my sometimes radical rants against the system is what irked them!!?? They have two boys, one who is 3 1/2 and one who is 1 1/2. Her mother watches them while they work so they are what I call "hobby parents", spending only limited time with the kids. When the kids are outside the parents are literally over their shoulders. I just think it's really ballsy that she (or whoever the accuser was, since I don't have proof) would tell outright lies. I believe every thing in our lives has a purpose to serve and from this I have learned: not to be so open and trusting, not to talk so much, and that I will add CPS reform to the list of thing I hope to actively work towards changing when I reach a point in my life where I have time to add more "irons to the fire" (this list of gripes also includes eminent domain abuses and congressional pension plans). OH--I did point out to her that a few years ago there was a lady three houses down from us whose family members testified in court that her children should be removed from the home but CPS refused to do so. Later, she was the lady who was arrested and convicted as an accomplice to a plan to build bombs and kill a local judge and police chief. It was only when the FBI was swarming the neighborhood, bomb parts were found, and death threats were made that these children were finally removed from the home. And my boys couldn't stay even one more night at home because I have laundry, books and boxes all over the place!:evil: Thanks for all you your support, prayers and well-wishes.
I am glad that the move was successful and I pray that you never have to deal with CPS again. I think what you went through with them was terrible.
Sorry if I wasn't clear. Our trip to Michigan this time was just for Father's Day weekend. I'll be back in Ohio on Monday or Tuesday and the social worker said she'd call me on Wednesday. When we get back, the kids will have to stay with my mom for about three days so I'll be able to get the house in order. If anything good will come from this, it's that I will be kid-free for three days. Without this "push" I would've never asked my 79 year old mother to have the kids for three days. (On the flip side, it's a shame that she'll have to go through such an exhausting three days--I wonder if my accuser would feel pleased to know that all they have done is taken a stressful, chaotic situation and made it even more stressful and chaotic. My mom can get pretty crabby so I know the kids will be stressed and so will my mom. So this self-righteous *?%&#! is only causing problems for little kids and an old lady). But, if I can make the most of those three days, my house will be "acceptable" and the kids will come home and I might actually be able to start painting and cleaning on schedule so the house can be rented by August! I'm just trying to look at the brightest side of an ugly situation!
Could you stay in Michigan and leave the kids there? Not even bring them back? (BTW, I would have dialed your dh on the phone right then and there and talked to him IN HER PRESSENCE. She absolutely assumed that you two were estranged, and was trying to use him as a threat.) As far as "supervision" goes, I have had that discussion with a very nice lady in my church (and I was single at the time, and SHE the one with kids!!!) A woman we had limited contact with had her 1st grade son supposedly "touching" another girl. This lady in my church was "appalled" by the "lack of supervision". I tried to explain that it is NOT possible to supervise children 24/7. "So are you saying that children that young should NOT be supervised....?" Excuse me, his mom was in another room in the same house. We are part of a Bible Study, and while we do our study, the kids are in the basement UNSUPERVISED. What's the difference??? As far as walking to the friend's house.... Yes, he is "unaccompanied", but he is NOT "unsupervised". YOU watch him, the neighbor watches him. I would make it very clear to her that he IS being "supervised". Every time she brings it up, I would correct her. "No, he is NOT alone. I stand there and watch him. He is ALWAYS 'supervised' to and from." Just keep repeating this to her ad nasium until she either gets sick of hearing it and drops it, or until (hope beyond hope!!!) she "gets it".
Have you called an attorney? Unfortunately they hope that people don't know their rights. KWIM? I would try and do everything to appear cooperative and always be sure to speak to her in a calm and respectful manner. (Not saying that you haven't) You don't want her to get a bug up her butt, KWIM? She is going to attempt to shake you up and catch you off guard so she can see how you handle things under stress. Before you answer anything, think about it and answer her question and be impeccable with your words. You want the social worker to think that you "get it". If she feels that you don't, she can recommend parenting classes which means they are in your business longer. You want this to just all go away.
Have you been told if a record will be kept of this investigation? When I was investigated, I was told a record would be kept for 7 years. Remember, I was investigated 3 times, so depending on how they do things, I'll have had a 'record' for maybe 21 years. Kevin was in second grade when all this was done. Who knows?
Another thing- the social worker who investigated me was also a young, single lady with no kids. I agree that chidless social workers don't have a clue, so it looks all cut and dried to them.
Great advise Jackie! Don't allow the social worker to play with your words. Jackie gives an excellent example with regard to "unaccompanied and not unsupervised".
No, it was his grade 1 teacher and the principal at that time. See, they wanted him on Ritalin and I said no. Well, every little thing he did,they blamed on him needing Ritalin. One day they asked him what happens at home if he's in trouble at school. He used the word 'beat' to describe what I do to his butt. They blew it all up into this big thing that never happened. The second time, he had fallen asleep on the bus on the way to school. He had a mark on his face from the bus seat when he got to school. The principal asked him if I ever slapped his face and he told her I did, when he said a cuss word more than once. They turned that into I slapped his face that morning. Both times I had to go to Social services and answer all these intrusive, frustrating questions and try to explain things so they'd understand. The third time, Kevin had learned to play the game and instigated a mess himself. His new principal, however, didn't believe a word he said. A social worker came to school, I was called in, and we were both interviewed. Kevin said I left bruises on his butt from the belt, but when the social worker asked to see them, he wouldn't pull his pants down, because he was full of crap and playing a game the former principal taught him. The new principal convinced the social worker- also new- that nothing happened, and in truth nothing did happen. It took many years for me to be comfiortable around my own kid. Looking back, I should have tried to file a suit against that hag principal, the lousy b*tch. Believe it or not, this lady has the guts to say hi when she sees me. I'm going to lay her out one day.
That is terrible Becky! It's ridiculous when the school officials think they are now medical drs when they say kids need to be medicated. Glad it is all done now, though I am sure the ill feelings run very deep1
It's sickening what a little bit of power does to some people! If I were close, Kyzg, I'd come help you paint your rooms so you & the children could get out of there! Have you called HSLD yet?
I did not read anything but your first post. I am from MI and I just want to say my heart goes out to you. How sad, that people have such bad lives that they have to harass other people. I pray that you are protected by God. I pray that they will see you for what your really are and that they would get off their high horses. It bugs me that kids are raised in crack homes never to be visited by the HDS, but us home school mamas who have little time to clean up the house get bit in the butt just cause we go against the grain. Again I am sorry for you. My house sounds much like yours. I clean it by throwing everything in boxes, hoping to get to it someday. Oh, and we are a family of 6, so don't get me started on the laundry.
If we all lived closer we could get together and get everything all picked up quick-fast and in a hurry.
Unfortunately, I can't stay in MI because I really have to wrap things up in the Ohio house (which is what's so angering--my accuser knows I'm moving, so why don't they realize that I am in the process of clearing out my house? But if they are out to get me it doesn't really matter. . . ) My husband opened up a little store 7 weeks ago (that's something I've been wanting to share on the forum because we are so excited about it, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet) and he cannot affort to hire anyone so he works from 10 to 10 everyday and 12-6 on Sundays. We have no one here who could watch the kids. When I spoke with the social worker the day after she came out, and she mentioned the boys being unsupervised while walking, I did correct her and told her that we three moms in the neighborhood are always watching the kids go to and fro. If they are at my neighbors and want to come home, she watches them through the window. When I send them back over, I watch them, etc. When I told her this, she said, "Oh, that's not what you said yesterday." I said, "Yes, I did." and she said, "Well, that's not what I understood." So, the next time it comes up, I'll just simply play the same kind of word games that she plays. If she implies that the are NOT supervised, I will calmly and respectfully say, "Soooo, are you saying that watching them is not supervising them?" Let her bumble her way through explaining that one. I suppose she could say, "Well, if someone were to grab them, you wouldn't be right there." But then I'd say, "Well, what if someone gunned me down them grabbed him? C'mon, we really need to get realistic, here. There comes a point when we have to look at the odds of a situation happening."
Becky, the things that happened to you really make me angry. Honestly, I think my current situation will resolve itself pretty easily but what is making me so upset is seeing how the system works, and the things you stated are so typical of the truth-twisting tactics they employ. As I stated in a previous post, I think one good thing that will come from all of this happening to me is that I am going to work hard to change things so others in the future won't have to go through this same b.s. Sure, many people have tried and failed, I am sure, and probably I won't be able to do much, but at least I will know one day that I tried to do my part. Just look at my signature phrase, which has been there for awhile. I am a person who is truly concerned about the invasions of privacy, loss of freedoms, unconstitutionalities, etc. that is occuring in our country. What is particularly frightening about the tactics and power of the CPS is that we are in a no-win situation. At least with other issues, we can voice our opinions, hold our ground and even refuse to comply but in the case of CPS, what happens if we don't cow-tow to their ridiculous demands? Our children are taken from us!! I am a fighter, but I'm not ready to risk my kids because even 24 hours in "protective" custody would be too much for me to handle. And it is a very scary thought that in a country like the United States, that someone is left powerless to defend themselves and their opinions. These types of injustices are like a deadly cancer that will only spread if people don't start fighting back. That's why I think in this case (CPS issues) it's important that people who are NOT being investigated step forward and say that things need to change. With the way things are going, and I'm talking about all sorts of issues, can you imagine what kind of reality we would find in this country if we could hop in a time machine and land in the U.S. 50 years from now? I wonder if my children will be allowed to have as many kids as they want. I wonder if they will be allowed to raise their children or if they will be wrenched from them during infancy to be raised in mandatory daycare. I wonder is we will be allowed to prosper financially if we go against the grain? (Did you know that those little strips in paper money can let a surveillance helicopter know exactly how much money is in your home if it flies over it?). I dunno, scary stuff, and I'm starting to go way off on political stuff so I'm going to sleep . . . . Oh yeah, I've ranted about these same things to my in-the-box, cog-in-the-machine neighbor so she probably views me a public enemy number one.
I'll be praying for you, for your nerves to be settled and for this to disappear quickly. If I were you, I wouldn't let them in, ever. Getting a warrant isn't that easy, they have no right to search without one, and in the mean time, you should probably look into HSLDA. The Home School Legal Defense Association is awesome at making sure parental rights issues are enforced, that social workers are put in their place, and that homeschoolers aren't preyed upon. If you join HSLDA, when the social worker shows up at your door, you can call HSLDA, tell them what is going on, right in front of the social worker, hand the phone to the social worker, or just listen to them tell you what your legal rights are and how to handle it. You can be connected immediately with a top lawyer in the field that has a passion and experience in this type of situation. I have been following HSLDA's weekly updates for a couple of years now, and am amazed at how many situations like yours come up, and HSLDA just nips them in the bud. I'm a big parental rights fan, and think social workers tactics and processes are unconstitutional and flat out bad business. Remember Jesus, when confronted with accusations. Calm as calm could be, knowing His father's good, perfect, and pleasing will for him. Lean on God and remember he knew your days (and the social worker's days) before you were born. Then, take a deep breath and a get a good nights sleep. Chocolate doesn't hurt either! : ) -Christie
Your post has made me think about cps a whole lot, and how fragile our "freedoms" truely are. When we don't vote or are not active in our goverment it seems to run us over. Just look at what is going on in Cal.
