Ladies, what do you do to keep things fun and stay connected with your husbands. Guys, what things does your wife do, or do you wish she would do for you that you really appreciate?
Becky, tell him that you're still a teenager at heart!!! (And tell him that a lot of what you have in mind wouldn't be appropriate teens to be doing, lol!) We go to bed TOGETHER at night. Rarely will one of us go to bed without the other, unless someone is totally wiped or sick. Then we'll lie in bed and snuggle and discuss the day. We use to go out each Wednesday while the kids were at AWANAS, even if it was just to the library or Starbucks, but our schedules have since changed and we can't anymore. I miss it, though!
My husband barely notices me, so I found texting him works best. But, now he ignores the text messages too. Last time we went on vacation, I did not allow laptops (only one actually). Sometimes, I pull the plug on the internet.
The main thing is we both try to place Christ as center of our lives and relationship. We sometimes go for walks together, sit around and discuss our day with each other, we play games with each other, and have alone time. I scrub his back when he bathes, call him at work or leave messages for him. When Ems is away, we like to go on a date. Sometimes we just go to bed a talk. I hold his hand when we go somewhere or while we sit and watch a movie. It is funny because sometimes we just sit in the backyard, under the tree, and read our own book. When we come across an interesting part, we read it to each other. Then we go on with our own reading. He shares his phone conversations with me and I share mine with him. We do not have to share but we are best friends and we enjoy sharing with each other.
My hubby is like many here - he says we aren't teenagers any more. Plus, without family nearby and still not having found a circle of friends (don't get me started...), we don't get the opportunity to go out alone. And as for the going to bed at the same time thing - well, he works nights, so.... LOL What I've found that has allowed us to spend time together is to take an interest (admittedly forced at first) in the things HE likes. Now, that has been a little easier here for one simple reason. Our kids are all boys too (for the moment *giggle* ). My hubby is an outdoorsman kinda guy. He likes to go fishing, camping. So we do. It means that scouting is a great family activity for us, but it also means that hubby gets to spend time teaching me the things he knows about the outdoors... and I actually have a reason to listen. Must understand - I have NEVER been an outdoorsy type. I'm an artsy fartsy, keep me in the a/c please kinda person. So, there are allowances for that kind of thing when we go out. For instance, I do require a tent. And because of my back, sleeping on the hard ground isn't good for me, so we take some bulky and troublesome beddings. But, hubby deals with that because it means I'm going and doing the things he likes. All that said, the more time I've spent doing it, and the more I've learned from him and thus been able to help teach the boys (both my own, and those in our scouting groups), the more I've come to enjoy it. Now, I probably won't be going camping by myself any time this decade. Or next. But, I'll go and spend time with my guys - especially that main one - any time. We have a blast planning the trips, and though he doesn't like to schedule an activity for every minute we're gone, he has seen my side (especially as far as the kids go) about having things ready to do if we want and need something to do. And yes, the kids are with us. But maybe it's something about the outdoors, but they pretty much go off and do their own thing, leaving hubby and I to walk hand in hand and chat about... whatever. (And sometimes 'whatever' is the local plant or animal life. LOL) I'll admit that he hasn't fully returned the favor, as far as participating in the things I like. I've had him a time or two; as much as he's into family, my scrapbooking supplies have tempted him a handful of times. He knows that it's important to get his family history down, and fast, as his older relatives are fading fast. (His daddy was 30 years older than his mother! But that's beside the point.) He has, though, paid attention and tried to help me carve out time for the things I enjoy, even if he isn't joining me in them. And I suppose that down/me time is sometimes important too. Anyway. The thing I've found to work best for us, and an uninterested hubby, is just to decide to like to do what it is HE likes to do - as long as that's okay with him.
Well, I can tell you one thing my wife did that was fantastic: For Christmas, she bought me my first flying lesson. She knows I've always wanted to be able to fly a plane and has never forgotten. I also wanted to go up in a hot air balloon, but I did that in a game reserve in South Africa. I've also wanted to make a parachute jump, but she's nervous about that one. This Christmas, I suggested she really not get me anything: Focus on the children. So, I really didn't expect anything other than, maybe, a new shirt or something. So, to see the printed confirmation of a flying lesson was simply awesome. It was a big surprise, and it was something she knew I really wanted to do. So, answering the second part of your question: Making it a total surprise, arrange for your husband to do something that he's always wanted to do.
This reminds me of Handsome. I LOVE the theatre. I enjoy the whole atmosphere of a live performance. It gives me chills. However Handsome didn't care for them in the beginning. He knew that I wanted to see Cats for ages. Finally, one birthday he busted down and bought two tickets. Of course I started crying. Anyways, he learned to love it! LOL Now he is the one buying seasonal tickets to different shows. Now it is a family affair. Ems enjoys going as well and I also count it as a fieldtrip.
For my birthday, hubby got us dance lessons. We've enjoyed them so much it has become a weekly thing for us. We have a regular babysitter that does she comes to us Monday nights. By the time she arrives, the kids are in bed so she does homework or plays on the internet. We don't have to pay her much because she really doesn't do anything. We got and have fun at our dance lessons! We also have Wednesday nights when the kids are in Awanas. We normally run errands or have a bit of a Bible study. We really look forward to our time together to just be friends!
DH and I teach our students together, and since I can't drive anymore (cataracts - I can't get surgery just now), he has to take me everywhere I go. We pretty much do everything together. He still opens doors for me, and does the yucky jobs around the house like taking out the garbage... Since his car accident ten years ago, things on the "more personal" level are ... less possible ... than previously, but we enjoy closeness and little jokes between us, flirting in the kitchen, pats on the hiney, holding hands when we walk (like from the car to the building, whatever building we're going to, church or the store or anyplace there's more than like ten feet to walk). We enjoy sharing things we've read, which is kinda funny because until we got married, he claimed, he'd never read a complete novel that wasn't assigned reading in high school. We each do our own Bible studies/quiet time, and other reading, so we each have something different to share with each other. Even though we're both right there in the school together all day, we always have different observations we've made about the kids. You wouldn't think we've been married more than 26 years, but we're still best friends. That's not to say that we're NEVER apart or don't have other buddies we spend time with, or that we don't have clashes (because we do!) but we were friends first before we started dating, so it seems easy to continue friendship even if we're having differences of opinion (at the tops of our voices sometimes!).
Lindina, we were good friends, too. He kept wanting to get serious, and I didn''t. After all, I was a good Baptist girl, and he was divorced with two kids! But it came down to marrying him, or losing his friendship forever, and I just couldn't imagine not having him there as a friend. I'm glad I decided to marry him; he's a great husband and dad, a super friend, and a great lover! What more can I want?
INDEED! A life partner that you can both LOVE and "be in love with" -- Seems we got two of "the good guys"!
I forget what talking head show I had on the other night, but this very subject came up. As expected, the overall tone was that the wife needs to make the husband feel special. Hold everything. Why can't it be the other way around? Even if a woman does not work outside the home, she is providing cooking, cleaning, child care, sex, teaching, if it's a hs family, and whatever else is heaped upon her. So why is the woman automatically expected to spice up the relationship? Hubby might work all day, but yeesh-how hard is it to write a short note and put it where she'll find it? I bet taking just one burden off the wife's back- say, putting away the dishes- could be a huge aphrodisiac. I wonder if mens' magazines carry articles about how to make the wife feel special??? Lol. The ones I've seen don't.
And just how many men's mags have you been looking through, Becky??? LOL!!! But yes, it would be nice! Carl subscribes to Todd Wilson's Family Man newsletter; it often gives ideas of how to let your wife know just how appreciated she is! Unfortunately, READING it and DOING it are not the same thing, lol! But I love and appreciate him anyway!!!
I will admit I looked at Maxim. One day, Kevin came home and said a teacher of his said he reads Maxim. I'm figuring it's maybe a men's health magazine, or maybe bodybuilding. NOT!!! I was so ticked at that teacher.:evil: What a dumb thing to tell your teenage student.:roll: When I was with my first husband, I read his EasyRider magazine, lol. DEFINITELY not a pro-female publication! Lol.
I know what she asked. I was wondering why it can't be the other way around. Going by some of the responses on this thread, it really is a one-way street with the women not getting much in return.
I love it when my hubby does things for me that take a load off. He doesn't realize how much I really appriciate the fact that he got the baby ready and down for bed tonight. Every day things that I do for my hubby are pretty typical. I keep the house clean, listen to him talk about work, and about his hobby (flying remote control helicopers ugh) and so on. But, if you want to know what specifically what I have done recently I have to tell you about the budiour pictures I had done for him for Valentines. He got to peek early because we picked out the photos together. It was fun for me and fun for him and has definitely added a few moments of "spice" in the last few weeks
Well, if I answer the question the other way around, I'm going to feel rather self-conscious - not knowing whether examples are good, bad, or ugly! In general, I'm extremely lucky that my wife is very patient, because I tend to work very long hours and used to travel the world way too much. Still, here's my example. A couple of years ago, my wife was desperate for a vacation. With six children (even though one had left home), we just couldn't afford to do something as a family - or as a couple because we don't have extended family available in this country to help babysit. In the end, I used frequent flier miles to fly my wife to St. Lucia and purchased a week-long resort package. It included all meals and all activities at the resort. Since she enjoys simply lying the beach (which, quite frankly, I hate!), it worked out really well. She took several day trips and an evening cruise on the pirate ship they used in 'Pirates of the Caribbean' and came home very relaxed. Yes, I would have liked to go as well, but it just wasn't possible on that occasion. OK - I'm now nervous about the reaction since I didn't go on the trip as well.
Steve, I am glad that you let your wife get away for a weekend.... but not all of us FEEL like we are getting the best deal with our marrage. (not me but you getthe meaning)..... My home has been stressed to the max! I feel like that most of the time, I can't do anything right some days, and my loving hubby has turned in to a grumpy person..... I try to make things nice but when you are just gripped at, just because you are the only person they can get it all out with, you just get nice and dont ruffle anything.... I do have a great hubby, we sit with and watch movies together, talk and we leave each other notes....
