Have any of you done the Love Dare that goes along with The movie Fireproof? Dh and I were recently talking about getting the book and going through it. It's very easy to allow ourselves to become consumed with all that goes on in our lives and put our husbands on the back burner. We have to make the effort to keep our marriages going strong.
Becky, we all know most guys aren't as mature as we are, lol! Mandiana, WATCH THE MOVIE!!! (The Love Dare is based on the movie. His wife is filing for divorce, he's trying to "woo" her back. At first it's a "chore", something he'd promised his dad he'd "try", but as he learns to put his heart into it, he falls in love with his wife all over again.
Funny, I was just thinking about that movie with all this marriage talk. It's a great movie, so if you haven't seen it, definitely do! The love dare is basically a list of sweet things you do for your spouse without a word and without expecting anything in return.
I think the whole "without expecting anything in return" thing is key. If you are doing something nice for someone expecting something in return, they'll sense it and what you've done for them won't matter.
Love Dare...done! We weren't (& aren't) having any issues...just loved the movie and thought it was a great concept to get back in touch with the "little" things, we've forgotten.
That's why dh and I are considering it. Maybe some of us could go through it together... just as an accountability thing??
Sounds great! I would love to! I did a little research and see that it's a book. Can you find the dares online somewhere or do you need to buy the book?
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/The-Love-Dare/Stephen-Kendrick/e/9780805454659 I found the book as a digital download for $10 which I think I can swing, so if the list isn't available somewhere it's no biggie.
maybe he does more than you think? I gotta say, in my experience women don't understand how much you're doing for them. I mean i am only 19... but i've been with a girl for 2 1/2 years and i have hsad to put up with a lot of her saying why is SHE always the one doing things for the relationship. I never see my friends anymore because she wants to spend all our time alone b/c i work and go to college and don't have much time, barely see my mom at all (& I'm a momma's boy), passed up doing things that i've been wanting to do my entire life... and got no thanks because they were 'stupid anyways', gave in to a lot of her ways of doing things that i don't like because she doesn't like the ways i do a lot of things, don't talk to girls, comfort her for most of her bad tempers and when she gets sad... but what does she see? sometimes i don't comfort her through her bad tempers (nevermind that they are unreasonable and get really annoying when they flare up over nothing, don't always know how to handle her bad moods (like I'm some sort of psychic or something), got a job with hours she doesn't like (nevermind that i wouldnt be getting any sleep due to college if i got a job with hours she likes), took an extra college class when i would have not taken it till next year if i was to do muay thai/brazilian jiu jitsu (and the only reason i would have moved the class was so that i had more time with her every day if i did the mma stuff, which has been my #1 dream since i was 4 years old. whether you think its stupid or not it is something i love to do, especially the jiu jiitsu. i absolutely LOVE the strategy in brazilian jiu jitsu), i don't spend enough time with her (i spend every spare second with her...). So maybe your hubby does more for you than you realize. and I'm also sure that doing the dishes wouldn't kill him =p and sex shouldn't be on your list. if it is then you are acting like it's a chore and its just something that he likes and you don't. not to judge, but that really is insulting. And to answer the question on this thread, I would LOVE it if she would take an interest in something that i like. I don't care if its just an hour a week, that would still rock! way better than not taking any interest at all. Hell, take some of my money and surprise me with a salsa lesson instead of spending it on more clothes. i know she loves to dance, anyways edit: & thanks for the note idea. more or less i write the notes in college and just GIVE them to her
Your lady friend sounds like a song from back in the day called It's just A Girl Thing. And yes, sex does go on the list, young friend, because it's expected. Just like dinner on time, laundry done, and the house clean.:roll:
If you guys are doing it...I will do it AGAIN! I really loved doing it....I get so busy with everything, and so it's nice to throw that little "extra" something into the day. If you don't want to buy it, I can just put it on here the night before for you....whatever works!
well it should be a chore, it should be something to do that is fun and relaxing. I was told one time by a wonderful doctor I work with it, if it becomes a chore then something is wrong with the marriage.
Well it certianly isn't a chore for me! :lol: I love my time with my husband and I agree with Kris. In any marriage if having sex is something either person dreads doing then something somewhere is wrong. Ok now I gotta do this love dare thing. But I gotta wait until my mother leaves.:roll:
It really is the little things that help a marriage last. Sometimes we take each other for granted until its ALMOST too late. I know my dh won't write me little love notes or bring me flowers BUT I do know that he will start my car for me on a cold evening when I need to get to yoga class , get my car washed for me and fill the gas tank up too, say its OK to get fast food for dinner on a night he knows we are all going to be too busy to cook or , now this a BIG...put his clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor next to the bed! Those are the things he does that shows he cares. I do little things for him too and it goes a long way. Get his glass of ice tea ready for him when he comes through the door from work, when he is doing his schoolwork over the weekend I make a plate of snack foods for him (without being asked), have the coffee pot ready to go on weekend mornings ( he gets up before I do) ,I leave a new book or magazine for him in his 'throne" room...little things. Sex is a big part of it too. Even if I really don't want to do it , I do anyway and I'm glad I did because I did have fun and it was relaxing. Also doing something he wants to do and me being the one to go after him ( men LOVE this!!) helps a BUNCH. In Dec we noticed that its been a year since we really have gone on a date night alone. So now once a month we schedule an all out date night..fancy restaurant, movie or concert and drinks somewhere afterwards. My neighbors took both my girls for a night ( their BFF's with them anyways) and my dh surprised me with a overnight hotel stay , just us! On every other wednesday ,when both dd's are at church, we have dinner together , it may be at home with the meal I cooked or we get take out but that is our time alone for 2 hours. He has even surprised me with concert tickets!! In May ,for our 15 year anniversary ,we have a 10 day trip palnned for just us. The dd's will be at the grandparents house and my dh and I will be in a nice cabin for 10 days!! Getting away ALONE is a must for every couple, even if its camping or at home alone while all the kids are at sleepovers or at a relatives house. Yes usually it is us women that have to do the work but we are just wired that way ( IMHO). I am grateful everyday for my life that dh has provide for us and I sometimes let that slide but I'm working on that and so is he. This thread has reminded me that I need to do more and in turn he will do more.
Lest anyone misconstrue-- I don't think sex is a chore, either, but some women do. There again, it's all in how the man conducts himself. Don't any of you read Annie's Mailbox??!
I have to say I absolutely loved reading all of this.... I have been offline again since Friday, there was a short in our phoneline GRRRR and it just took me forever to read all of this, but I made it through (usually I just skim stuff when I haven't been here in a while) Anyway, what do I do to make hubby feel special... I tell him a million times a day that I love him, ok maybe not that many, but quite often. We will be sitting together watching tv or making dinner and I will just blurt it out, usually because the love I feel for him is usually bursting at the seams. I get up with him every morning, even when I dont' want to and pack his lunch, make sure he has his coat handy and has his meds laid out for him and something to eat and drink for breakfast (usually this is just something he can eat once he gets to work). I always make sure to give him a kiss before he leaves and tell him to be careful. I send him text messages at his breaks (9 and 1:30) and he calls me every day at lunch (11:30). When he gets home at 3:15, I try to be near the door to greet him with another kiss and an update on what the kids are up to (he also loves it when the kids meet him at the door with hugs and ride his legs into the diningroom..lol), sometimes at this time of day I'm just plain busy making dinner, I try to have it ready for him by about 3:30 or 4 most days. We spend lots of time just cuddling, we have started having date nights about 2 times a month, we cook together when we can, we play with the kids together, we exercise together, and we spend almost every available moment together. He's my best friend and the one person in the world who I can tell anything to and not get judged for it. I would rather do everything with him than with anyone else, we genuinely have fun together. By the way, though there are many things we disagree on, we have only ever had 1 fight (you know the screaming at the top of our lungs kind of thing), and it was back when Reagan was a baby and I was on birthcontrol pills that really had my hormones out of whack and almost put me in the hospital for a breakdown, so we don't even count that one outbreak. Oh and to satisfy my good friend Becky.. I'm a spoiled woman, hubby is always doing things for me. I get flowers and candy quite often. He mops the floor every week on his hands and knees, he runs the vacuum and helps with most of the other household chores.
Sex is a chore-I am speaking in general here. I think it needs to be pointed out that alot of us who stay at home are just plain worn out at the end of the day! I have physical issues which make sex uncomfortable sometimes and that is a real turn off. But most of the time if I dont want to do it, its just because I have spent the entire day cleaning up mess after mess, diffusing sibling arguments, cooking, changing diapers and so on. Not that I dont love doing those things, I do, but seriously when DH comes home and starts making comments about wanting sex it is the hardest thing in the world for me not to turn around and tell him just how "sexy" I dont feel at the moment. The truth is I find my intimacy in other ways. A nice talk, a non-committed to sex cuddle, quiet time together, carressing. Not that DH and I dont have sex, just that I dont really need it as often as he does and therefore sex is sometimes a "chore". I do it because I love him and I know he needs that, but let me promise you that there is nothing wrong with our marriage. I think most women, if they were truthful could do without sex more than a man can. Men are physical, women are emotional. Just like its a "chore" for alot of men to sit down and have a long meaningful talk, it is sometimes a "chore" for women(g) to have sex. We are just built different.
