My hubby has to leave for work very early in the morning. I have found that he is very touched if I get up while he is getting ready and make him a hot breakfast to start his day. I hated it at first but now I look forward to sitting with him at the table talking before the kids are awake.
Well that's opening a whole 'nother can of worms, about what one believes about the relationship between man and wife. Besides, my hubby brings home the only paycheck. My central heat and air and steady supplies of groceries makes me feel pretty darn special.
Our marriage isn't perfect by any means, but one thing that I love about us is that we LAUGH together... often. We both just love to crack each other up. We're not just husband and wife; we're true buddies and best friends. Flirting is a lot of fun too, and goes a long way in keeping things happy. As for something specific that I did recently... My guy was in desperate need of some new clothes, but being a single income family, we RARELY have money for clothes, and if we do, it's spent on the little ones. Anyway, I happened upon someone who was selling a whole lot of clothes in his size, and they were NICE things. She agreed to trade some of my hand-made wares for the clothes, and he basically got a whole new wardrobe. It was awesome!! The look on his face when the HUGE box of clothes arrived was priceless! He was so surprised and really touched Then, of course, there's the idea of being a willing and eager love-making partner... but I won't go into details there Something I need to work on? Keeping iced tea in the fridge and the ice cube trays filled for him. Could he do this himself? Of course, but he's always touched when I do it, and it's such a little thing. It takes so little time on my part, but it means a lot to him.
Little things matter very much!!! One year, we were planning on going to Florida over spring break to visit my parents. He decided that driving from Ohio to Florida with three small children wouldn't be much of a vacation for me. So he arranged a surprise weekend at a B&B in Amish Country. Arranged for a family in our church to take the kids for a weekend (which the kids LOVED!), and for someone to take my Sunday School class. It was SO sweet of him!!! He also tries to take the kids one day during Spring Break for the whole day, though the one year I really needed it, the kids got head lice and so the whole week was spent dealing with that (!!!). But the intent was there all the same, and he was a big help to me dealing with the lice. And now that our church meets on Saturday evenings, leaving our Sundays free, I usually sleep in and he often brings me brunch in bed, with Phillip's help. Phillip is going to be a wonderful, caring hubby someday with Carl's fine example. Oh, and either he or Phillip opens the car door for me ALWAYS. He started doing that on our first anniversary, though I will tell him I'm letting myself out if it's raining or something.
My husband does a lot for me. Of course, some of it I've had to tell him how much it would mean to me but then he has made the effort to make it a habit! He puts the kids to bed most nights, he is always willing for me to go out for an evening without the family and is takes the kids on little errands with him. When I come home from an evening out, he'll have the house picked up because he knows I hate coming home to a messy house. He comes up to bed each night and tucks me in and we'll have a few minutes to ourselves to talk and reconnect. He works just as hard as I do at keeping our marriage strong!
Practical things..... when he'd come home from work, I'd give him a few moments to decompress. Then I would ask him about his day and ask lots of questions to keep him talking. Giving him my FULL attention. Um, try to be spontanious in the bedroom.... Share good jokes or laughs. I really dont enjoy football...but I know it's important to him, so I find ways to recognize that. Big munchie trays for the game, etc. The two things I think are most important? Praying for him and NOT keeping a scorecard. Just my opinion.
Well, let me comment on that scorecard thing. Don't keep a scorecard of everything he did wrong, but DO keep one of all the good in him!
I see it as the same thing. It was Joy Beyhar's show I was watching awhile back, and the Tiger Woods mess came up. Somehow it came up how pretty his wife was, etc, and why would he go looking elsewhere. JB brought up why does it always fall to the wife to keep things happy, when wives/mothers already have so many responsibilities upon them. That's normally how it goes, sadly.
I got that made in the shade.......of course him and his mother are like "bonded" if you KWIM...lol I try to do little things but i admit there are times when I don't. I have a full plate and to be honest I am just way to tired or stressed to do anything i guess.. don't get me wrong...I do things for my hubby but probably not like I should. I am always grumpy it seems like. I get irritated and grumpy very easily and let it run my day and It shouldn't... Its nobody's fault (usually) Im happy with my husband and kids but i need to learn to adjust my behavior. I have a friend that just rolls everything off her back and I so wish I could be that way...... I'm sorry I took over the question part and started a sob story....... Thtat wasn't my intention.
This is me too! We get up a 3:30 to get him on the road before traffic hits. He likes it when I pack his lunch and leave little notes for him. I like to sit in the bathroom and talk to him while he showers. LOL I do not usually make him breakfast. Once in a while he wants hot cereal or waffles but usually he takes breakfast with him and eats in the trailer once he gets the men going. I enjoy this time with him.
My husband has been trying since he came home. Honestly, the best thing for our marriage was the year he spent in Iraq. I went from my parent's home to our home and had never lived alone. The experience allowed me to "grow up" in ways I never dreamed. Also, we did a lot of IM's and emailing, and we worked through a lot of issues that were often too "hot" for us to handle in person. We couldn't yell, and we had to think about what we wrote. Don't get me wrong, I don't want him to go back, but it did help us. The only thing I regret was I didn't write much because we emailed and IM'd most every day. Next time, I am going to write more. Don't get me wrong, we still have our issues, but we are getting there. And for me, the best thing my husband can do is give me a hug. He read "the five languages of love" while he was gone (I'd been asking him too for about 6 years) and realized my love language is physical touch. His is acts of service. We both gave eachother ideas on how to fulfill those needs. Anyways, for those who feel that their husband's don't care, believe me, I've been there. Prior to him leaving, we were very much there. Just keep trying. I know it's hard, but as I have seen the last couple of days in a few different ways, God can do anything!
I love all of the great stories! When I first posted this I was feeling a little disconnected from my husband. It seemed like he was trying to make up reasons to be angry with me and he was telling me he felt trapped.... which is way off base, because he works from home and I love for him to get out of the house and give me a break sometimes, lol. I kept telling him he was free to go, get out of the house and do whatever he needs to do. That seemed to make him angrier. So, the night I posted this, I told him I was feeling disconnected and like he was mad at me, but I couldn't figure out why. So, he started listing all of the things I was doing that was making him mad (things that normally wouldn't bother him). So, it didn't go so well that night, but the next morning he told me the truth. He said that when his divorced friend that only gets his kids every other weekend came to visit, he felt old. We're living in a new town where we don't know anyone so he doesn't have any friends to call to go out with, and he feels guilty leaving me at home with the kids if he wants to get out of the house. I told him to please not feel guilty and that I love hanging out with the girls and doing girly things while he's gone. I told him that I wanted a happy husband, so I support him in doing (almost, lol) whatever he needs to do to make that happen. That afternoon he bought me flowers. He's good at that. When I make him happy, he goes out of his way to make me happy. I think most guys are like that. I think that's probably why people suggest women take the first step. For example, the first day we moved into our new home there was a pink piece of paper taped to the garage telling us to cut our grass. Well, my husband was asleep in bed, and the paper was sitting on my desk. I was feeling really great, so I turned the paper over and cut out an I a heart and the letter U and put it on his desk. He was really happy. The next day he put them back on my desk with a note telling me how much he loved me and that he wanted the letters back. Then he bought me flowers 3 times that week... which is more than he had bought me in the previous year. I really appreciate all of your stories!
I asked my husband about Tiger too. I asked him why Tiger would have gotten married. If he wanted to play the field, he could have easily done that without getting married. He said that Tiger probably had a lot of fun with his wife before they had children. He said that he probably felt a little jealous of the time his wife spent with their kids. I asked him if he had felt that way and he said he had. A few weeks later, we were watching a show about little people that were having a baby. The husband on the show expressed the same thing... jealousy over the time his wife was spending with the new baby. I wonder if a lot of guys go through that.
I have a friend that said the same thing. Her dh had to go to Texas for a year, and the whole time he was gone there were e-mails and IM's. She said it made SUCH a difference in their relationship, because he could express himself so much better that way! Face to face he would kind of shut down.
That's something discussed about in the "Now that your Pregnant" type books, so it must be fairly common. I guess it's especially true if the mom is nursing. Also, it's more common when there's a special needs child, because the child demands so much more time. Dads feel stressed and helpless, so they stay at work more, making Mom feel neglected. To make up for the neglect, she invests more into the special child, which makes Dad feel all the more neglected and helpless, and it's a big cycle.
See, I don't get that jealous over the kid thing. It's HIS kid! To me, it's juvenile for a father to get jealous over his child! I'd apply the same to a mom jealous of her daughter. To me, it's incomprehensible that a parent would get jealous over a child.
