tube tops, spaghetti straps, bikinis, up the hiney shorts, tons of make up, and shorts with "juicy" printed across the rear--all in my girls closest right now. I AM SOOOOOO KIDDING!!!!! I just wanted to shock someone. I did actually see the previously describes shorts on a curvy 16 yr old girl. I just wanted to cry.
I heard dd singing one of Hanna's songs the other day and it was very sweet and positive. I really do not have a prob with Hanna- just those poor little girls that their parents let them out of the house like that. I mean really, they could have been really cute and in style with out looking like mini street walkers! Ohhhh~ a town 30 minutes away just outlawed baggt "i see your underwear" pants!!! YAY!!!! It is a shame that some parents do not have the sense or dicipline to not let their kids dress that way!!
I've always told my husband if we ever have a girl, she's wearing boy pants. It bothers me so much every time we go to a friends house you can see the 5 and 3 year olds bum hanging out of their pants. The Mom just giggles and says it's so cute. I just want to say, "yeah, so cute if something bad happens.":cry:
The more I read this topic the more I think you all have a lower faith in humanity than I do, which is saying something as I regard myself as a misanthrope.
I'm sorry to say I don't have much faith in humanity as a whole. I'd like to but I don't. I'm probably more liberal than most people posting on this topic of modesty. My daughter probably wears shorter skirts and shorts than most, she wears bikinis, she does wear light lipstick, she does polish her nails, she does listen to all types of music, etc, etc... I do not want her to dress like a whore but she doesn't even think like that. It isn't an issue in our house because we don't harp on it. We are strict on some things like respect for yourself and others BUT sometimes I think if you make something an issue it will become an issue where none exsisted in the first place. Does that make sense? I also don't believe (and here come the tomatoes!) that it is my responsibility to keep a man from looking at me. I'm not talking about my daughter here but on the issue of modest dress. I'm also not saying I walk around with my "stuff" hanging out. I wear above the knee skirts and spaghetti strap shirts, bikinis and tight jeans, high heels, whatever. I have heard so much about not making our brother's in christ stumble. Well I'm sorry but if I have on a pair of jeans and a tank top and a man can't keep his eyes from wandering then he has more problems to deal with. Sorry I got off topic a bit. I will quit rambling now.
Honestly, I thought I was pretty strict about clothing until I read this thread. I don't allow trashy slogans or rude comments, because simply, they are rude. I do allow tank tops and spaghetti straps because in the south it's HOT in the summer. No private parts are showing. I go for mid-length shorts. I certainly don't want hineys hanging out, but above the knee is fine. I do prefer skirts with shorts under them just because my dds will cartwheel across the yard without thinking twice about it. I will allow 2 piece bathing suits (not bikinis) because as previously mentioned... it's easier to go potty. I do not allow slogans on the back of shorts/pants, because I think it's an open invitation for folks to stare at your rear end. I allow nail polish, and I will probably allow a little make-up at 13. (That's when I was allowed to wear it.) Since all my girls already have pierced ears, I guess I blew that one! I think you can be trendy and still be modest, because modesty must be in the heart as well as the dress.
Pam I think the only difference in how we allow our children to dress would be for the bikini. Tankinis are so cute though and Samantha does have one or two. She has some athletic type shorts that are short and she wears those to gymnastics but most of the rest are mid thigh I would say. Nothing in our house is short enough for any hineys to be seen. Samantha also got her ears pierced several years ago. Grace does not want hers pierced.
My dd does have some shorter shorts. She also is allowed to wear lip gloss. My dh has a thing about nail polish so he gets his way there. lol. Oddly though my dd is more modest than I am...lol. There were some tank tops I thought were cute but she thought showed too much skin. lol. There is a line, of course, between tanks and looking like a street walker. A tank top and a short pair of jean shorts, IMO, is just fine. However, a girl with her butt cheeks hanging out and practically a neon sign that says "sex toy" is what I am trying to avoid. I want my dd to demand respect for herself, be modest, and respect others. I don't want her clothes telling the world that she is availble or a pre-slut. lol. I do think, Tiffany is right about making a big deal out of something where there was nothing to begin with. I think the more respect we teach our girls to have for themselves the more they will want to convey that message. I am not very liberal but clothes just have to cover the skin, ya know? I have no problem with some two piece bathing suits or tanks, some short shorts but not too short. I just don't think clothing has anything to do with one's spirituality. I think that if the our dd's have the holy spirit inside them and want to praise the Lord they will naturally decide on respectful attire. I realize that my be interpreted differently by some...but man judges on the outside...so we can't put too much into that. lol. I know a few girls at church who dress very similar...short shorts and tanks on hot nights. Oddly, one comes accross as "loose" and the other does not. They can wear the same clothes. It is something else about them...possibly how their sprituality is conveyed....does that make sense? Maybe it does not. lol. Now, I will have to say that I think women do have a little responsibility in causes their brothers in christ to fall by what they wear. I say a little because you can never tell what will get a guy going. However, we do need to take care of the obvious....like...daisy dukes and a halter top. lol. I also don't care for words on the butt of shorts. Honestly, I think it is cute...but it does draw attention in the wrong place..IMO. However..I do see Tiffany's point on it not being her responsibility. I simply say that we need to take care of the obvious and not dress like hookers or strippers. However, we can't be too obessessed with that because like I said who knows what will get a guy going. I refuse to wear a paper bag. lol.
rashies is close to what we call them too, or board shirts? uhm, just to add a thought, I don't have any faith in humanity, I have faith in God though!
I think that we are to be careful that what we wear does not give out false impressions, and I do think that some clothing definitely screams "look at me and what I've got." Dressing to deliberately cause others to look at you in a s*xual way is definitely wrong (unless maybe it's for your spouse only ). However, I do not think that being covered from neck to ankle (or knee) is required for modesty's sake. As Ava said, 2 people dressing alike with completely different attitudes are seen in completely different ways. That's what I mean by mosdesty being in the heart as well as the dress. I don't want you girls to think I'm saying we aren't accountable for the way we dress. My clothing views just seem to be a little more open than some of yours.
That's what I was trying to say. You say it better. And yes I agree to a point we do have a responsibility to our brothers in Christ. For instance if I wore a shinny tube top that showed my belly with boobs hanging out and dasie dukes with my butt hanging out obviously men are going to look. I would wear something like that. But if I have on a nice tank top (by the way I have no cleavage to spill out ) and shorts or tight jeans then the guy needs to just control himself. Of course some people and churchs have totally different opinions on what is modest. Whatever Ava says! I agree with that!
I think a lot of it is how we mirror our selves too as moms, because if we are dressing nice, stylish but discrete and modest our dds will too. If we enjoy how we dress in other words, yet at the same time dont get fleshly in it. My dh and I were shopping and the discusion came up about things being how akid is raised, what they think is nasty or what they think is pure. My mind set growing up was the bikinis were just what you wore to swim in and sun bathe. I was very naive and did not think any boy would want to look at me in any bad way. So now as a grown up I make my dd wear more discrete clothes and all that, but its really hard for me for some fashions look nice and cute, but really show too much of the body off skinwise. So I see that now I am not in the same mindset as I was as a kid. teen etc. I was raised to think it was okay to show skin, but the Lord taught me differently in the Word!
My daughters are not allowed to wear short clothing either. Definatly NO belly showing. If my daughter wears a skirt that doesn't have shorts made with it she has to have a pair of shorts on under it. As far as make up goes. My mom let me wear mascara ONLY when I was 12. She always told me that the secret to wearing makeup is to make it look like you don't have any on. Make it look natural. And I've stuck with that to this very day. I have passed that philosophy down to my oldest daughter(almost 7) and plan to tell my youngest when she is old enough to understand. Angela
Before this conversation started, we took our kids to a science museum for kids. While there, a friend's DD was walking around, who freaked me out. Background: I am a former victim of child porn who was rescued. Things burn in your brain. And this girl looked like she was about to have her "Shots" taken. She was dressed in a tank with the word "CUTE" written in shinny letters. He belly is showing and she is wearing a low-riding skirt that is showing her panties. She has long flowing natural hair, which is considered by many in "that world" to be a bonus. I was angry that in a way, she is not allowed to be so beautiful because of the pervs who will make it something it is not. I know there is an irony to me taking the photo. But the truth is, in public, people are taking photos of you and your children all the time. Or I should say, you would be suprised at how often you and yours end up on someones computer. And with my past I just knew I was not the only one. I took this and showed it to a friend who NEEDED to see what her daughter was doing. Anyway, your opinion...
I haven't read through the entire conversation. BUT this past weekend, I attended our homeschool conference, and a woman presented a talk on modesty. She mentioned a web site you might want to check out. It's www.purefreedom.org The originator of it has written several books for girls AND moms on modesty, and I guess they go around the country doing talks and having modest fashion shows. Anyway, if you go here: http://purefreedom.org/downloads/SKLockerPoster.pdf she has a download about "tests" to see if something is modest or not. She also suggests (as someone here suggested) to wear longer tanks under shorter tops, and that tanks from the men's department are longer than woman's. Rachael is very concientious about what she wears, but she's always telling her sister that "That top's too short! Your tummy is sticking out when you raise your arms!" While I am pleased that she is concerned about her OWN modesty, I wish she would let ME worry about her sister!
My dd's don't have shirts that show their bellies when standing normally, but I never even thought about making them raise their hands. A couple of weeks ago after VBS, my dd8 was doing cartwheels in the church yard. She had on a long shirt but when she flipped over, her shirt went up to her neck. She hadn't put on a bra (something she is beginning to need, but is not fully convinced of), so everyone around her could see her. I was much more embarrased than her, as she's too innocent to know anything was wrong. Luckily there were only a few teenage girls around. It could have been worse. Now I make her tuck her shirt in if she's flipping in public. Jen, I think that outfit falls in to the "look what I've got ..." category, and my girls would not be allowed to wear that shirt. (but I think the skirt & flip flops are cute- just needs a different shirt!!)
Jen If the shirt was longer, and a bit looser, then I wouldn't have a problem. But, having the past experience that you have had, I can understand why it sent off warning bells to you.
