Brenda I have never been in that situation, so I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you that I am praying for all of you. I remember being that age, and even thought I am a female, I am sure it's not any easier on a male. Good luck and go with God!
And the pressures now are way different (and far more complex) than what they were when I was growing up. My gutt said to bring him home BUT I also know that Tracy needs to cool down too and bringing him home today wasn't necessarily the right thing to do. This is not an easy thing to be dealing with... only by the Grace of God...
Brenda, I've got some similar issues with Kevin and house rules. I hope it all quiets down for you soon.
Becky, I thought of you as I was posting my question in the OC section... remembering back to some of the trials you used to speak of, wondering how on earth you ever survived them. And just think... two more boys to go through this with (although, I hope and pray that we'll have learned something by then).
Brenda, I am so sorry to hear about Christian. I will pray for you and your family. Every situation is different, I was kicked out when I was 16. Looking back on it, I should have asked for help, I made a lot of unwise choices. I will keep you all in our prayers. Kellie
So glad to hear Christian is safe. I know you must be totally stressed trying to figure out what to do next. I will be praying for you as you and your family deal with it all. Beth
Remember, Brenda, that Kevin is 21. It's much harder to keep control of them when they're of legal age. I've actually given him a year to move out. He was robbed recently. He was out on the street at 12:30 am, and got robbed of 50.00. He had been told to stay in the house after I go to bed, and he chose to ignore me. As a result, he found himself in a situation that could have cost more than 50.00, if you get my drift. I found out after a state cop called for more information from Kevin. I've had my fill. Kevin doesn't want to listen. Dean takes Kevin's side because he was allowed to run the streets at that age. It's a losing battle I'm tired of fighting. It's a daily frustration on top of all the things I already have to handle, and I'm tired. Yeah.. think of me when times get stressful. Been there, am there, have all the t-shirts...
Having been a teenager not all that long ago, I'd have to agree with those who expressed concern over his being allowed to stay at his friends. I understand Tracy's need to cool off, but Christian just got exactly what he wanted. Of course, I'm not his mom, so I really have little insight into the situation... it's just my two cents
One of my best friend's husband decided when he was 17 or 18 he was going to move in with his current girlfriend because his parents would let her stay overnight, or something to that effect. So, he packed his stuff and left. A few days later, he called home. Chris: Hi Dad. How's mom. Mike: Fine. and you. Chris: Doing good. Things okay, there. Mike: Yes, things are good. We miss you. Chris: You miss me? Mike: Very much. Chris: I can come home? Mike: Of course, whenever you want? Chris: And the rules? Mike: The rules have not changed. There will be no compromise on sin. You can come home, but the rules will not change. Chris said at that moment he realized how important he was to his father. Mike told me later it was the hardest thing he had ever had to say because he knew that one of Chris's choices could have been to stay gone. I've worked with a lot of "at risk" teenagers (not saying Christian is, I don't know anything about the situation beyond this thread), and they deperately wanted boundaries, even though they constantly tried to push them. I pray that God gives you the wisdom and strength you need to show Christian that you love and care for him, and that he will begin to be drawn closer to the Father. I often wonder when kids this age rebel like this if they are not beginning to sense that they are being drawn into a deeper relationship with God, and they are fighting. In a sense, it is not a physical or emotional battle we have with them, but a spiritual one.
Brenda, I just got on and read this... I am so sad for you and your family... I hope and pray all things work out for you all soon. keep us posted..
I just got on, too. I'm noticing the number of us moms who "have been there" or "are there." There is a Christian-based, live-in, work-study place in Arkansas which has men mentoring younger men in their daily walk. Teenage boys are required to go to a near-by christian school, I believe. The name used to be "Reto." Their phone number used to be (501) 888-5869. I know. Because we sent our beloved older son there for part of one summer when it seemed we could go on no longer. The young men work on rebuilding/salvaging cars, learning everything from engine repair and rewiring to putting in radios. They learn a trade and somewhat pay their own way. Donations are welcome also, but it's not based on ability to pay. I hope none of you dear friends feel as desperate as we did, but here's the info in case you need a break and want to know that your son is being taken good care of. By the way, the very capable leader of this group is a fine young man whom I tutored when he was an "MK" in Mexico! If this phone no. doesn't work, let me know, and I'll do some research. Blessings everyone--especially you, Brenda, and Tracy and Christian.
did we ever. i was one of those teenagers, having run away from home at 13 and then spent the next few years as a "ward of the province" in and out of foster homes and group homes and other less-pleasant situations. brenda, i'm sorry you've got this to deal with - though i'm glad to hear that you found him safe. i'm wondering... is there any type of organisation near you that works with teenagers who have problems at home? (which aren't necessarily AT home - i should prolly phrase that more like "have problems in life" ) ....that social worker that you spoke with, could she perhaps be a source for some info on anything like that?
I tried to call our youth pastor to meet with Christian who wants someone to talk to - he was out yesterday and then starts his last week of vacation on Monday... none the less, I plan to keep trying. I believe that Christian needs to have a solid relationship with Jesus (the same that the rest of us do) and when he can sort that out, we'll all come out of this ahead. Christian is aware that there are rules in this home... we will make some comprimises that allow him more time with his friends BUT he still has to follow the basics... I want to know where he is, when he is there, if he changes his plans, I want to know amongst other things... some things I will comprimise about - others (like teenage sex or the dating issue) I will NOT budge on and he knows why.
Christian himself has to come to the realization that he needs a relationship with Jesus. You can push all you want- like I did with Kevin- but until he wakes up you're wasting your breath. Our house was a trip on Sundays, with me trying to force Kevin into church. If he did go along, he'd disappear minutes after we got there. He stopped that after I threatened to come into the men's room and get him, butthe weekly melee kept on. God is faithful- He will bring Kevin back in one day, and He will straighten yours out, too.
I agree with Becky, pushing it down his throat will do nothing but drive him away further. I will pray for all of you!!!
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Brenda. I am just now catching up with everything. I hope that things will work itself out, and I am sure everything will in the end. On a side note, I also agree about the pushing...Becky brings up a really good point, but I do think us as parents still need to encourage that relationship...I think that's our duty. I think it's all in the approach, personally. Just be encouraging and be there for him, and pray pray pray! I think praying in itself will do wonders.
Becky, You are so right. I took Matthew to church every Sunday and Wednesday. He went to VBS and even went to scouts at our church. He never would make a decision for the Lord and I just didn't know what else to say or do. He had been sick with Crohn's disease since he was 11 and never felt healthy enough to be a wild child or anything, he just didn't seem to feel the need. One Sunday morning I got up with a horrible headache and planned on staying home. Matthew was 17 at the time. He came downstairs dressed for church and I asked him to take his sisters with him to church because I was sick. He said he really wanted me to come too. I was so sick it didn't hit me what he meant. Finally he had to come right out and tell me he had made his decision for Christ and wanted to make it public that day. I laughed, I cried, I danced, I praised God. I got ready for Church and I don't even remember the headache at all. It was worth all the waiting and worry he put me through and made me realize, it happens in God's time, not mine. It was the biggest moment of Matthew's life for me. Never stop praying or give up hope. Beth
