I am not trying to be unfair or point any fingers at anyone! Brenda I want you to know that. I am speaking from experience. Not as a parent of a troubled teen although I do have a step son behaving this way - I am speaking from experience as the troubled teen. I was horrible! I did everything I knew I wasn't supposed to just to see how far I could push my parents. My parents let me do whatever I wanted. Even if they didn't want me to do something they let me anyway just because it was easier than fighting with me. That right there is my point! I only wish they would have faught for me! Someone said before that kids want boundaries and that was so true in my case! I was sexually active, drank and did some drugs, was out as late as I wanted and did whatever I wanted and my parents didn't do anything about it. Oh and I denied doing drugs or drinking or having sex. I felt so unloved and unwanted. I acted so tough when inside what I really wanted was my parents to grab me, shake me and tell me no I wasn't going to do that anymore because they care too much even if they had to gaurd my door or call the cops. But they didn't do anything so I continued down a bad road. I had to figure it out for myself and it took a long time. I'm sorry this is long I just wanted everyone to know I am not trying to tell Brenda what to do but my question "Why did you let him leave?" was ligit! I only wish my parents wouldn't have let me leave. It isn't easy and yes it will take time but I wasn't so tough as what they though and I bet Brenda's so isn't either.
Oh gosh Becky... right now I could kick the police from here to Timbucktoo! I was in contact with the original social worker first thing this morning. I told her I want him home, etc. She had to speak to her supervisor and then called me back to say, call the police, have them accompany me to the home where he is staying, tell the mother that she is not allowed to keep him there, that he's coming home with me and that she can be charged with harboring a run away. I called the police almost 2 hours ago and haven't heard a word from them yet!! My nerves are totally blown, my stomach is acting up in good style and I don't know how much more of this I can handle this. When I spoke to the social worker this morning, I told her the police wouldn't take him out of the home... but what would have happened if he were trouble with the law... they would have brought him home to me then?!?!?! This is all so mind boggling! Please be praying that the police will back me on this and TAKE ME SERIOUS! And that Christian won't buck this too much more... he needs help - I can see this and I want to help him (and everyone else in this house) but he needs to be home.
Maybe you and the social worker need to go talk with the police together. After all, you're "just" his mom! And SHE is a big, important Social Worker, who knows what's BEST for every child alive, so maybe the police will actually listen to her.... (Of course, I'm being sarcastic, but it may be that she might carry more weight with them!)
I TRIED to act outside of the boundaries my mother set, but I didn't get far LOL. I was allowed to have a boyfriend, but I could only see him on the weekends and had to be home by 11pm. I wasn't even allowed to talk to him on the phone during the week (he lived 30 miles away). I had friends that I could hang out with after school, but that was AFTER I had done my homework....then I had to be back for dinner, and then could leave again, but my mother knew where I was at all times, and I had to be home by dark. Oh and I wasn't allowed to go out of town. My mother found out one time that I had left town during lunch break (don't ask me how she knew that one!) and she had a major cow. I was grounded for two weeks, no phone, no friends, no boyfriend...life was over. I was allowed to go to parties on the weekends with my boyfriend, because my mother knew where I was....but I also knew that she could show up at any minute (small town) or any of my family could show up at any minute (older cousins, etc) so I'd better not have anything in my hand except a soda! LOL I tried to push the boundaries, she just shoved me back in my place. Oh now once I turned 18 she couldn't legally make me come home for the weekends and I didn't. I left Friday after homework and didn't see her again until Sunday night. She couldn't tell me where I could go during the week, etc., but I did continue to get good grades in high school and didn't drink, smoke, do drugs....I think I was basically a pretty good kid. Oh and this wasn't THAT long ago....less than 20 years lest anyone think I was a teen in the dark ages LOL
I am glad to hear of such a positive step, Brenda! You have been in my thoughts for days and I will continue to pray for all of you!!
I'm a little baffled by that one, too. Please let us know if they actually bothered to do their job today.
Well, if all of this has been a test of patience I think I must have failed. After 2 1/2 hours of waiting for the police to phone me, I got fed up and went to them (so they couldn't stone wall me anymore). I was in tears to say the least. "He's an adolescent and we can't force him to go anywhere" :shock: :shock: They passed the buck to the town police (because he was staying in town). I met the officer at the station and she followed me to the house. This is one woman I wouldn't want to mess with - when she speaks, she means business! She beat on the door, Christian answered and she told him to get his things together, he was coming home and NOW! (she asked me about the attitude that he has - that's what we've been living with for the past couple months). He goofed around a bit and she called in for him a couple times when he finally came out (attitude and all). Before we left, she spoke to him on the front lawn (while his tapped his toe and looked to the ground). She growled at him for his ignorance and told him that when I want him home, he's to go home IMMEDIATELY and if he ran again he would be in serious trouble especially if the police have to intervene again! He was madder than a wet hen with me and stomped off to his room when he came home. I gave him a couple minutes and then went down to talk to him... came back upstairs frustrated with him and then Tracy tried with the same results. I had been talking to his friends mother who had been advised by social workers that she could be charged with harboring a run away (so she won't allow him to stay there anymore if he runs and she gave the same message to other friends' parents so they wouldn't try to keep him there). After a couple minutes of talking to her, I went back down to his room to talk to him - making some reasonable comprimises (allowing more time on MSN - as long as it isn't to plot a date or something like that - if he does, I will start tracking his conversations again). I told him he looked like he was falling apart when he started to wipe his eyes. I told him it was ok to cry and how much I love him, he sat up, bear hugged me and cried like a baby. :cry: He is out with some friends for a couple hours and then Tracy will go to get him. After I went down stairs the first time, I called the social worker back to let her know he was home and that at that point, I felt as though he was a risk for flight again and if he did, what do I do... if he does again, I have to go to the police again (UGH) we also came up with a plan to get him the counselling that he needs. This has been a weekend right straight from the pits of hell and I look forward to calmer days. Somewhere's else in another thread, I had spoken of my doctor questionning a mood disorder with me... I have it all figured out... I dont think it's a mood disorder... I think it's from the EXTREME adrenalin rushes for extended periods and then when things calm down, I crash. Thank you all for your continued prayers - we're not out of the woods yet, but we're getting there one step at a time.
Praying here and thanking the Lord that he came home. By the sounds of things, he does want to have boundaries. Stay firm, tough love. We love you here Brenda, we hurt when you hurt.
AMEN SISTER! Christian asked me tonight why the town police are so 'moody' (thats not the word he chose to use) :lol: I told him it ties up their time when they could possibly be responding to an emergency - all because he doesn't like the rules...
He probably figured she was PMS'ing, lol! This guy that comes and talks at our conference is a hs'ing dad and an officer. He says that Ohio law states that a minor is to obey any "resonable request" given them by a parent. He says that "Clean your room" and "Be home by 10:00" are resonable requests, and a kid is actually breaking the law when they disobey (!!!) This is what he tells the kids that come in with an attitude.
Brenda, I hope things keep going up the right path... I still wish we were closer you sound like you need a cup of tea and hot bath....thinking of you girl...
Yaaay for that officer! I can't believe the others wouldn't do anything! I'm so glad he came home, and he NEEDED to hear "the riot act"! I hope things continue on the "upward" path for you and your family now! Baby steps are great, as long as things keep moving forward! Even some setbacks are okay, as long as he and you are able to work forward through them! The "out with friends" would scare me so soon after him getting back! But these are good, positive friends, I hope? I've heard that at times like this, when they've caused so much distress and problems by their actions, that it would be good for the parents to go back to NO priveleges for awhile, and as they move forward, they can slowly work their way back up to more priveleges. It's like a funnel---the bottom part is small, and it gets larger as it goes up. That's how priveleges should be. That's just what I've heard, so thought I'd say it. you know him and what's happening way more than I do obviously though, so I'll just keep praying for things to work out for you: For him to settle down more, for you and your dh to have wisdom in parenting him! (((((HUGS!)))))
Well, he asked me why the "town police are so pissy". This lady meant business. She's the type of person when she says move, you say how high and how fast. He's out again supposed to be at a soccer practice but the school knows nothing about it nor the civic center... SIGH! I don't think this is over by a long shot and we still need your prayers. Deena, I would love to go back to NO priveleges but in truth I'm walking on egg shells right now, scared that he will run again (this time, he has no where to go which would put him out on the street). I have to be delicate about how I handle this right now... but I am going to talk to him as soon as he gets back home. Anyway, I am absolutely exhausted right now and am going to crawl into a HOT bubble bath to relax.
