When Rachael was three, my BIL gave her this humogous box for her birthday. I had NO IDEA what was in it, but my MIL kept shaking her head, and saying, "It's not for a girl...." Well, when she opened it, she was thrilled, and so was I. It was one of those Fisher Price (or Play Skool...?) basketball hoops that "grows" from about 3 feet to 6 feet. But my mil kept shaking her head over it. I told my mil that when Rachael went to college on a basketball scholarship, I would remind her of the occassion, lol!
My friend's grandson wanted a doll house but his dad wouldn't let him have one. So she bought one and kept it at her house for him. He was only 3 years old. She bought the big three story wooden house with a mom, dad, kids and furniture. I think it was great! He could use the people to act out real family situations.
My friend's dh was bothered when his son would play with his (much bigger) sister's doll. He would actually stick it under his shirt to nurse it (bet you can guess where this friend stood on "prolonged" nursing, lol!). Anyway, the dad was bothered by it, until one day Sean came in the room cuddling the doll, and then told his father, "See? I'm a GOOD DADDY!!!" So why do we encourage girls to play at being Mommy, but discourage the boys from playing at being a Daddy?
1) No way, would I raise my kids like that. That is a big part of the reason that there are so many rude, disrespectful, spoiled brats. I believe in treating my kids with respect, and I don't just bark orders at them. They are given independence & responsibility as they grow & mature. However, I am the parent. It's my job to teach them how to be responsible adults. I can't do that if I let them run the house. 2) I have a boy & a girl. They regularly play with each other's toys. That's fine. I'm not going to freak out if I see ds playing with a doll or dd playing with cars. However, ds is a boy & will dress like a boy. Boys don't wear dresses. I don't let either of them wear my heels. 3) AP is not for me. I couldn't breastfeed for more than a few months (4 with dd, 2 1/2 with ds). My skin is quite sensitive & would crack and bleed. I can't do the co-sleeping thing, either. My kids squirm too much (even as babies) and my back is in pain for days after one night in the same bed as them. Plus, I enjoy my sex life & kids in the bed would hamper it. They come crawl into our bed when they're sick, otherwise they sleep in their own bed. I never wore my kids, either. It didn't hurt them to sit on the floor playing, while I washed dishes or did other daily tasks. They got plenty of cuddle time & were not starved for attention. As long as it's not done to an extreme, I don't really see anything wrong with AP. It's simply not for me, though.
This is my opinion too. NEVER got a good night's sleep with a baby in my bed. I did nurse till 1 year and I was so ready to have my space!
I think reading over the replies, my parenting style is most like Meg in Canada and I feel pretty much the same about how others parent as well. #1: For us I do not feel like my dc and I are equals. I am the parent and not the friend. Do we have fun, tease, joke with each other, play games and have tons of great times, sure we do. But you will never see my kids as one of those throwing a tantrum at the grocery store because I won't buy them something. I do not tolerate behavior like that and they know I would leave the store immediately and they'd not set foot in it again. (I've never had to do this, but they do believe I would ). #2: We have one ds and he plays with whatever and the girls play with whatever also. I think for little boys to be limited and not have access to things like baby dolls is a mistake (or would be for our family anyway). #3: I am a huge attachment parenting kind of girl. That said. No I have never nursed a 4 year old. But I let my dc wean in their own time. I never stop or would stop before a year though. I am presently nursing my 10 month old, she does not have solids. My older girls seemed to wean before 2, my son the same. We'll see how our little one does when she is ready. I use cloth diapers, I do baby wear. I wish I would have discovered and took the plunge on both of those before my 3rd child because both are fantastic. I adore baby wearing. I've not done it with a 2 year old but I'm not opposed to it. I do co-sleep and have done so with all my babies. No way on earth I've ever not been aware of my child while sleeping. It's funny because I never intended on breast feeding but as soon as I had my first daughter, it looked so simple to just put her to the breast and well I never looked back and gave it another thought of not doing it. Never tried a bottle for any of my kids. I never intended on co-sleeping either but after my first dd, the only rest I got was when she was cuddled in my arms. So that began that journey and just worked well with all the kids. 2 out of 4 of my kids have preferred to sleep alone starting about 7 months for one dd and 10 months for my other. I don't force them to sleep with me. And they each have had their own bed in our room where they nap and sleep during the night. As for alone time with dh. We are just super creative and we have a guest room as well. We joke and call it our "sleazy motel room" You all might think I'm radical as I had my first homebirth at age 36 after 3 hospital births using an epidural . It hurt like the dickens but if dh and I were to have more babies, they too would be born at home. I also do not vaccinate after my older dd had a vaccine related injury which almost killed her, requiring her to receive a liver transplant at age 2. Oh and let's see what else might be radical about me, I don't use anything with cancer causing or toxic ingredients in them. Anything we use on our hair/body is checked via the cosmeticdatabase for safety. And I make my own detergent and cleaners. Oh and I don't do baby food. I did with my first two but with my 3rd, he ate table food and I'll do the same with my dd once she hits a year. I love my dc and I hope that all I do is what is best for them. I guess that's all any parent hopes for
heh. I have an issue with thinking I have to sneak around to fool around. That was fun when I was in highschool and didn't want to get caught by my mommy. We have a very active life in the bedroom... and if the kids aren't home other places too.... but if my kids are home everything occurs behind my locked bedroom door. By the way, I do have major issues with cosleeping, I have a friend who suffocated her baby while they were cosleeping. You can call it SIDS and say it's a natural act all you want, but if you pay attention 99% of the babies who die of SIDS was put to bed with something or somehow that they never should have been. I have never had a problem nursing at night, sitting up in my bed, reaching over to put the baby back in his/her own bed and going back to sleep myself. Once the baby is moved away from my bed then hubby is great about getting up to grab baby and bring him/her to me. And I forget who.. but I agree with one of the responses on here.. family 1 seemed more like uninvolved parents.. they definately were what I consider unparents.
I'm sorry about your friend. This issue must hit close to home with you. Scientific evidence shows that co-sleeping is safer. See here. I would think the fact that 90-95% of the world co-sleeps would make it a natural act.
I only read some of the responses...and I did not see the show you are talking about. I do have to say that I don't give a hoot for the most part what other people do. But this is my opinion on these matters: 1. Parents sound like they both had major issues growing up. That is NOT a proper model of parenting or in my home...a proper model of man's relationship with God. Kids need parents to be parents. I can't say enough how stupid and short sighted...and possibly selfish..I see this. 2. NOT for me. Sorry. BUT..there is a double standard in my home..yes I know..bash me if you want. I would NEVER allow my son to wear girl clothes or anything like that. He did play Barbies with his sister...but even then he threw them around and took their heads off. lol. Yet, he is very sweet with his baby sister and plays girl stuff with her. But that is him being a good brother NOT because of his desire. If it were, yes..hate me..I'd snuff it out. I have allowed my girls to play with boy things and like boys. However...I do put limits to instill a sense of femininity and ladylike behavior. but then again, I do not consider sports, hot wheels, and Legos to be a boy thing anyway. 3. I am not opposed to Attachment parenting. I don't think it's a big deal. I also think people should just let others be. I would never breastfeed that long but that's me. I would never wear my kid that long because I'm weak...but I don't think wearing a toddler is a big deal. I'd wear my 19 month old if she'd let me just to keep her near. Personally, I was into attachment parenting the first year and after that I slowly allowed for independence. I hate pacifiers so my kids never used them. However, my 19 month old still has a blankie. I know someone who thought I was crazy for allowing that. So, to each his own. Attachment parenting is not harmful so why care? Sleeping with a baby? I see nothing wrong with a family bed. I do NOT want one. I just don't care if others have one. I would be concerned with the dangers...but they have a bassinet thingy that opens next to the bed for safety. I would have done one of those. I LOVE to sleep with a baby. I just don't want to do it every night and I worry about the danger. However, I totally understand why parents love a family bed. I just don't want one. lol. I like sex too much for it anyway. LOL.
As far as co-sleeping goes. I have been one to put my nursing baby on a schedule. I did that with all three, and they were all three sleeping through the night at an early age. I'm thinking the youngest was at three weeks. (By sleeping through I mean 6+hours). I had an Amish cradle my parents got for me, and I had it in my room at first. But I got them out of there ASAP. For ME, I felt that it helped the baby sleep through. If the baby started fussing just a little, my subconscious would hear it and it would get my milk going. Then the baby would sense that, and wake up more. But if she were in the other room, I wouldn't notice as much, my milk wouldn't start up, and she'd whine for a minute or two in her sleep and would be right back out. Again, to each their own. My neighbor once said, "Well, I know you think we're wrong...." I interrupted her SO FAST!!! Just because *I* didn't do it that way, didn't mean I felt she was WRONG! It worked for her; she has happy, healthy obedient (mostly!) kids, so who am I to criticize?
Ava - Gracie and Samantha both have blankies and they are 7 and almost 14! They call them cubbies. Honestly I have a blankie myself. I take it everywhere I go if I will be spending the night - camping, my mom's house, anywhere! And I'm 34!
I fell the same way and did things the same way. My two were always on a feedin and sleeping schedule and by 6 weeks old they both slept though the night - about 8 hours.
Well...I have a blankie also...LOL. Even Alyssa at 4 almost 5 has a few blankets she prefers. Yeah, Jackie...I say to each his own. As long as a parent is not harming a child, who am I to judge?
You know, I always fed on demand and the babies tended to schedule themselves...and pretty quickly. I had a few good sleepers and a few iffy sleepers. What funny is that NONE of my kids were iffy sleepers until about 8-12 months...or even at 2. It was minor and ended quickly. Oh except for Kara...she was a tough one. She didn't sleep through the night on a regular basis until 9 months! I struggled with it. My others just adjusted to sleeping all night fairly early. Alyssa was a bit rough but it took 3 nights and no turning back. The first two did awesome. Gee...maybe my parenting skills get worse instead of better! LOL.
Ohh... another homebirther here! And we also used cloth diapers. I got a diaper service as a baby present from my mother - every week they brought the diapers and took the dirty ones away. Easier than plastic, actually. We delayed vaccination, but ultimately we ended up doing it. I made that choice after going to an anti-vac meeting where 200 people showed up. It's one thing if you're never going to run into Polio because everyone else is vaccinated, but it gets a little trickier when lots of people stop vaccinating for it. My son got his last series when he was 11, because we forgot to get it done earlier. Here's a short story: When my daughter was very small, a woman said to me, "I can always tell which toddlers are breastfed. They have the most beautiful hair!" I looked at my daughter's thin scraggly locks and said, "Actually, I'm still nursing this one." The woman blinked. "Oh well, I'm sure she's very healthy. Breastfed babies never get ear infections!" "She's had four in the last six months," I said, trying to stuff my runny nosed child back into her coat. "She was in the emergency room on Christmas Eve because she was bleeding from both ears." "But you have a very close bond!" said the woman, desperately. At which point my daughter decided I was oppressing her by making her wear a coat. She flung herself on the floor and started screaming. "I suppose we do," I said, as I picked up my obnoxious child by the seat of her pants, and tucked her under my arm. The point being, of course, that our children will be whatever they will be. We try to do what we believe is right, but there's no way to guarantee the outcome. Whenever I find myself getting smug about my own good fortune, or judgmental about the choices of others, I remind myself that I'm not living in their shoes. It's not my place to judge.
Yep, my house has 3 bedrooms, and soon to be a 4th... but those are my children's rooms, I find it rude and disrespectful and just plain wrong to use them for mine and hubby's fun time. :roll:
Meg, you are so right. You know, I quit nursing at 5 months with Rylee because the dr feared for my health and safety as I got pregnant again 3 months out from a c-section, I quit nursing Reagan at 6 months because he self weaned, Cameron is a booby baby still at 10 months... and I am very close to all 3 of them. None of them co slept other than being in the bassinett side cared up to my bed, none of them have been worn around the house... but still I have a good bond with all 3 of them. (Garrett is another story and we won't even go there.)
LOL..Meg..that was hysterical! I breastfed my first for 15 months and my second for only 6 weeks...long story. Anyway..my oldest was ALWAYS sick, had ear infections and allergies. My second hardly ever gets sick and had only 2 ear infections. LOL.
