I was warned that I would never get the child to go to his own bed if I co-slept. Not true. All of my kids were in their own rooms by age 2 at least part-time. After weaning it is usually dh or I going to their bed to get them back to sleep anyway.
When Rachael was three, dh and I were getting up early in the morning to go bike riding. We felt comfortable leaving her home, because her 15yo step-brother was in the house (still asleep). Rachael was told that she had to stay in her room until Mommy and Daddy got home, and to wake Jason up if there was an emergency. The first day, we got home to find a blurry-eyed Jason up with a wide-awake active preschooler. She looked out her bedroom window and saw the dog pull the beach towel off of the clothes line, and promptly ran to wake her brother up over this "emergency" situation!
Oh, about boys and dresses. There's a difference between dressing a boy in dresses, and letting him wear them while playing dress-up. When kids are doing make-believe, I have no problem with a boy putting on a dress for a part. But I also wouldn't let him wear his sister's girl clothes outside to play in, or even around the house.
I do have a lock on my door and can't imagine NOT having one. We don't lock our door though unless we are doing "things". lol! The kids also know that my bedroom is totally off limits without the permission of me or daddy. Now if I am in there getting dressed or whatever they are welcome to come it. I mean they can't just go in my room for no good reason. Both bathrooms have locks and so does Sam's room. She is a teen girl and I think she needs some privacy. She usualy only locks in when she is dressing. She is very modest and doesn't want to take the chance of anyone walking in. While I don't co-sleep and never have the girls and I do have slumber parties together. If daddy is gone they will sleep with me and sometimes on weekends I will either sleep in Sam or Grace's room with her and watch movies and eat junk food. It is mommy/daughter special time.
My neighbor's boy came over one day, he's 2 at the time. He had his nails painted, and I asked his sister why they were painted. Oh, she said, he won't go to bed at night unless his nails are painted. Okaaaay. that is strange. really strange to me. ?
oh that reminds me of my other neighbor, his son is 13? I think. He came over a couple weeks ago with his nails painted black. how weird. Is that normal nowadays? I hope not.
WOW..the nail polish industry is busy in your town! LOL. Sadly, black nail polish is pretty mainstream now. I've seen a ton of boys with it also. When I was in school it was goth but now I've been told that black nail polish and skulls are mainstream.
This has been a great post to read through. Kudos to everyone for not getting angry at all the different points of view. I don't consider myself any specific kind of parents. I suppose most people would consider me radical because I homebirth, homeschool, breastfeed, ect. But I don't do anything because I'm "this kind of parent." #1 don't even need to say anything, you all covered that nicely. #2 I think it's totally unfair to allow your girls to play with any toys they want and forbid your boys from playing with half of all the toys. It seems silly to me to make a big deal out of a boy playing with dolls or trying on a dress-up outfit. Moms and Dads model gender behavior for their children. #3 I do what works for me. I do breastfeed for as long as my kids want, they have both weaned right around the year mark. I don't know if I would be comfortable with breastfeeding much past 18 months but I don't mind at all if other mothers do. I don't co-sleep but it's not because I think it's wrong or bad, it's because I literally can not sleep if the baby's in bed with me, I'm too much of a light sleeper. So baby is in a bassinet right next to my bed for first 3-6 months and then moved to a crib in her room when she's sleeping through the night (10+ hours) consistently. I don't believe in the "family bed" for our family because I really believe that parent's need a place that is just for them and their relationship. You never stop loving your kids, that love comes pre-programmed and is biological. But it is possible to stop loving your spouse and I want to make sure that I am making time and space to nurture that relationship. Just my opinion, I don't mind what anyone does in their home if it works for them. I just discovered baby wearing with my 4th baby and I love it! She spends a lot of time on the floor playing, but where I would have put her in the swing or bouncer with my other kids I just put her in my wrap. I love the warm cuddling time and I get so much more done than I used to! Also I love it when we're out because we don't have to haul around the heavy carseat anymore. Yea for homebirths! I just had my first one 3 months ago and I can't wait to have another. If you want to read the story here's the link to my blog. http://drorbaughfamily.blogspot.com/2009/12/introducing.html Final conclusion...love your babies and do what you think is best.
That is a good point. I still say I would not buy my son a pink fairy costume or a barbie doll. However, I never prevented him from playing with his sister's things. You know, it's just never been an issue in my house. I have strong feelings about allowing your children to cross gender...but that is a totally different issue then what we are talking about. Good point Amylynn...that is a more real look at it.
I agree that buying a boy girl's things is a different issue. My kids just play with everything together. I think it's only an issue if you make it an issue. It is funny to consider that no one thinks if a girl plays with a football or toy gun she'll turn out a lesbian. But if a boy plays with a doll or kitchen items it might make him gay. I think feminism has somehow convinced us that to be equal we (women) must be more like men, so we like it when our girls are a little tom-boyish. Interesting to think about. My husband is great with the babies and kids, loves to cook, and is great at cleaning. Now that's my kind of man.
Another good point. Then again, I wouldn't buy my girls boy clothes either. I also don't consider a lot of boy things to be boy things. I think sports are neutral. Ah...it's all nick picky...lol...I think you are so right to say it's the parents that model gender roles ultimately. I also agree it's not an issue if unless you make it one. Only the extreme in this issue is really harmful. The parents who try to push the child to be the opposite gender or allow them to dress like the opposite sex to school....that type of thing. Boys playing with their sister's Barbies or kitchen stuff are just fine. My husband cooks and cleans also. He changes diapers even! LOL. Oh and he likes to buy clothes...lol. My son loves new athletic shoes and loves to cook also. He is also great with his little sister. Balance is best...confidence is key. Gender is not defined by your favorite color or the toy you played with at 4 years old.
Rachael has some guys shorts, especially when it comes to soccer shorts. Why, we were at Walmart the other day, and this girl of about 9 or 10 was looking for some shorts for sports, and was told to check out the guys' department. Rachael likes the way the guys' shorts fit better. But if you were to see her in the formal she's wearing to the Celtic Ball Saturday, you'd have no doubt as to her ability to be a young lady (though no pink, lol!) if she wants to!
You what's funny...as I clicked off of that post I realized I have purchased boy clothes for Olivia! LOL. I should say that I would not allow my girl to dress like a girl in my neighborhood. You would NEVER know she was a girl. In fact, other kids thought she was a boy. She wears exclusively boy clothes...very boyish clothing and has her hair cut exactly like a boy. She even wears boy shoes. I'm not talking about a girl who wears some guy things. I am talking about a cross dresser. I remember this girl from years before and she was a tomboy but looked like a girl. When I saw her last summer, I thought Olivia was joking when she told me who it was. Okay..so that is what I am talking about. again, I am talking in more extreme cases....so my line of thinking was probably not completely relevant.
Well I guess I will be the first to say that when I had only a boy in my house, I bought him "girly" toys. For his 2nd Christmas I bought him a kitchen set. He LOVED it! In the same breath I will say that I would never encourage him to wear a dress around the house. Wearing girls clothes while playing dress up is one thing (come on, what boy hasn't walked around the house in his mom's shoes? Most have even experimented with putting on mom's make-up, I know Reagan has worn (clear!!) nail polish MANY times because Ry and I were doing our nails), but encouraging your boy to wear a dress around the house is a totally different issue.
Yeah...that's what I mean, Sommer...encouraging that type of behavior. ya know, I think a kitchen set is active play and not a girl thing. My friend had a neighbor that used to buy her son princess disney movies, kitchen sets, and dress up clothes...things like that. Isn't that hysterical? What is the point in that? Oh and I will be the first to say that while I am not for encouraging a child to look, act, or become the opposite sex...I do NOT think playing with items that are considered for the opposite sex will make you gay. I don't think it's that simple. If it were, we all would be gay. lol. My son at 15 months used to get a purse and walk around because his sister and all my daycare kids were girls and used to play tea party and dress up. They dressed him up, had tea with him and he loved walking around with a purse. LOL. One day before leaving the house, I grabbed my purse, Olivia grabbed a play purse and where walks Aaron with a little play purse. LOL. My husband looked at him and said, "Do you see daddy with a purse?" Aaron put it down and left happily.
I agree Ava because if that was the case I'd be a lesbian! lol! I was such a tomboy and played with all boy toys. I LOVED my G.I. Joes back in the day!
I used to subsitute at a preschool in the 2-3 year old room. There were 7 boys and no girls. Guess what they were fighting over each day? Yep. The two dresses, 5 purses, and one pair of heels in the dress-up bin! :lol: Then they would turn around and use the chicken thigh from the kitchen set as a gun. :roll: Gotta love kids!
Oh that's funny! My son loved - and I mean LOVED - his toy vacuum. In fact, he was quite attached to the real one for a few years too. He also had a cooking set and for Christmas I just purchased a play-dough cooking set for my ex's little kids. He never said anything about it and the boys loved it. And every boy with an older sister was dressed up in heels and lipstick at one point in their childhood!
I was the girl who hated dolls, never owned a Barbie in my life, only wanted to play with Matchbox cars and thought dresses with frills were for prisses. I was the girl who could turn a wrench better than most boys my age and managed to keep an old delapidated pick up on the road most of the way through college. My dad treated me sort of like the son he wished he had because I wasn't afraid to tackle the nasty "boy" jobs and he was disabled.(even if this bugged my mom to no end!) Know what, it didn't hurt me in the least. I know exactly what "gender" I am. And I'm married to a wonderful guy who thinks his wife is amazing! (He's sitting right here and I just asked him.) I don't have any problems with being the lady of the house who happens to be able to change to car oil when needed!:wink: Marty
Marty, I believe that every girl needs to be able to handle certain "man" jobs, such as change a tire or oil. I wouldn't want my daughter stranded on a road somewhere with a flat and not be able to handle the situation! Also certain household repairs. And I want my son to be able to make a bed, run a sweeper, and cook a meal! To me, all those things are simply "life skills", and should be for both genders. I use to glance through my American Girl magazine and be done in 15 minutes. But I read EVERY WORD of my little brother's Boy's Life! I gave up being a boring Girl Scout for the much-more-exciting Boy Scouts (albeit Explorers, which is co-ed; that's where I met my dh, btw!) To this day, he is amazed with my ability to build a fire and cook over it!
